Tom Bunyon > Tom Bunyon's Quotes

“6 Nah-Nah-Nah Boo-Boo Y’know how your teacher says you have to read a chapter in a book before you can have fun? And you really don’t want to? Well, read this chapter. Then go have fun! And tell your teacher nah-nah-nah boo-boo!”
― Dan Gutman, Mr. Sunny Is Funny!

“*It is a known fact that if you stand up on a chair, put your fingers in your ears, and announce “I love turnips,” people will think you’re weird.”
― Dan Gutman, Mr. Sunny Is Funny!

“1) The Titanic hit the iceberg in the North Atlantic, approximately 400 miles off the coast of Newfoundland. 2) The Titanic was considered unsinkable because she was built with huge watertight doors to contain any possible leaks. However, when the ship hit the iceberg, six watertight compartments quickly filled up with water, dooming the ship. 3) The signal SOS was chosen as an international distress call because of the simplicity of the three letters in Morse code: three dots, three dashes, and three dots. 4) No one knows for certain exactly how long the musicians played on the Titanic, but legend says they played until the ship went down, and their last song was the hymn “Nearer My God to Thee.” 5) More than 1,500 people perished in the Titanic disaster, while 705 people escaped in lifeboats and were eventually rescued by a ship named the Carpathia. 6) After the sinking of the Titanic, laws were changed so that every ship was required to have enough lifeboats to carryall its passengers. Also, the International Ice Patrol was formed, so that ships would have warning about ice conditions. 7) In 1985, a scientist named Dr. Robert Ballard discovered the undersea wreck of the Titanic.”
― Mary Pope Osborne, Tonight on the Titanic

“I am SAM, and this is my first mission. Wish me luck. Actually, don’t bother. I’m that good. I need to move fast, but I have to be careful too.This high-tech fortress disguised as a middle school has security systems like Hershey, Pennsylvania, has chocolate. My biggest concern (and archnemesis) is Jan I. Tor. He’s the half-human, half-cyborg “cleaning service” they use for “light security” around here. Yeah, right. Tor’s definition of “light security” is that he only kills you once if he finds you. So I wait in super-stealthy silence while Tor hovers past my hiding spot with his motion detectors running, laser cannons loaded, and a big dust mop attachment on his robotic arm. He’s cleaning that floor to within an inch of its life, but it could be me next. As soon as Tor’s out of range, I slip off my tungsten gripper shoes. Believe me, once he’s been through here, you do not want to leave footprints behind. That would be like leaving a business card in Sergeant Stricker’s in-box. Stricker is the big cheese who runs this place, and she’s all human, but just as scary as Tor. I don’t want to rumble with either one of those two. So I program the shoes to self-destruct and drop them in the trash. FWOOM! The coast is clear now, and I sneak back into action. I work my way up the corridor in my spy socks, quiet as a ghost walking on cotton balls. Very, very puffy cotton balls—I’m that quiet. What I need is the perfect place to leave the package I came here to deliver. That’s the mission, but I can’t just do it anywhere. I have to choose wisely. Bathroom? Nah. Too echoey. Library? Nah. Only one exit, and I can’t take that risk. Main lobby? Hmm… maybe so. In fact, I wish I’d thought of that on my way in. I could have saved myself one very expensive pair of tungsten gripper shoes. Once my radar-enabled Rolex watch tells me the main lobby is clear, I slide in there and get right to work. I enter the access code on my briefcase, confirm with my thumbprint, and then pop the case open. After that, it takes exactly seven seconds and one ordinary roll of masking tape to secure my package to the wall. That’s it. Package delivered. Mission accomplished. Catch you next time—because there’s no way you’ll ever catch me. SAM out!”
― James Patterson, Just My Rotten Luck

“I am SAM, and this is my latest mission. This one’s like a cross between a house of cards and a hand grenade with a missing pin. One wrong move, and—BOOM! The whole thing comes down. I’ve got to be in a dozen different places at just the right time, and in just the right order. Not only that, but this high-tech fortress disguised as a middle school is crawling with guards in the middle of the day. The trick is to act natural when anyone’s looking, and then move like the wind when they’re not. So I walk casually up the corridor, like I belong here. Deputy Marshal Stonecase passes me by and I give her a friendly (but not too friendly) nod. She has no idea I’m working undercover. That’s what the street clothes and prosthetics are for. As soon as I find myself alone, I swing into action. First I check my scanners, perfectly camouflaged inside an ordinary-looking backpack. Once they give me the all clear, I continue to the gymnasium. My first stop is the so-called equipment room. I know it’s a flimsy cover for Sergeant Stricker’s missile silo, but I can’t worry about that now. I work fast. I work carefully. I try not to think about the pair of fully armed heat-seeking missiles just under the floor. And the millisecond my package is delivered, I move on. This next maneuver is what you call a speed round. I cruise through the building like a ninja-tornado, dropping tiny subpackages of coded instructions in every empty corner I can locate. Once the inmates start finding them—and they will find them—they’ll know what to do. That’s it. Within twenty minutes, my mission is complete. The rest of this operation is out of my hands. So I go back to undercover mode and continue my day like none of this ever happened. In fact, none of it did. (You’ve got my back, right?) SAM out!”
― James Patterson, Just My Rotten Luck

“Dear Stanley, It was wonderful to hear from you Your letter made me feel like one of the other moms who can afford to send their kids to summer camp. I know it’s not the same, but I am very proud of you for trying to make the best of a bad situation. Who knows? Maybe something good will come of this. Your father thinks he is real close to a breakthrough on his sneaker project. I hope so. The landlord is threatening to evict us because of the odor. I feel sorry for the little old lady who lived in a shoe. It must have smelled awful!”
― Louis Sachar, Holes

“Onions! Fresh, hot, sweet onions,” Sam called as Mary Lou pulled the cart down Main Street. “Eight cents a dozen.” It was a beautiful spring morning. The sky was painted pale blue and pink—the same color as the lake and the peach trees along its shore. Mrs. Gladys Tennyson was wearing just her nightgown and robe as she came running down the street after Sam. Mrs. Tennyson was normally a very proper woman who never went out in public without dressing up in fine clothes and a hat. So it was quite surprising to the people of Green Lake to see her running past them. “Sam!” she shouted. “Whoa, Mary Lou,” said Sam, stopping his mule and cart. “G’morning, Mrs. Tennyson,” he said. “How’s little Becca doing?” Gladys Tennyson was all smiles. “I think she’s going to be all right. The fever broke about an hour ago. Thanks to you.” “I’m sure the good Lord and Doc Hawthorn deserve most of the credit.” “The Good Lord, yes,” agreed Mrs. Tennyson, “but not Dr. Hawthorn. That quack wanted to put leeches on her stomach! Leeches! My word! He said they would suck out the bad blood. Now you tell me. How would a leech know good blood from bad blood?” “I wouldn’t know,” said Sam. “It was your onion tonic,” said Mrs. Tennyson. “That’s what saved her.” Other townspeople made their way to the cart. “Good morning, Gladys,” said Hattie Parker. “Don’t you look lovely this morning.” Several people snickered. “Good morning, Hattie,” Mrs. Tennyson replied. “Does your husband know you’re parading about in your bed clothes?” Hattie asked. There were more snickers. “My husband knows exactly where I am and how I am dressed, thank you,” said Mrs. Tennyson. “We have both been up all night and half the morning with Rebecca. She almost died from stomach sickness. It seems she ate some bad meat.” Hattie’s face flushed. Her husband, Jim Parker, was the butcher. “It made my husband and me sick as well,” said Mrs. Tennyson, “but it nearly killed Becca, what with her being so young. Sam saved her life.” “It wasn’t me,” said Sam. “It was the onions.” “I’m glad Becca’s all right,” Hattie said contritely. “I keep telling Jim he needs to wash his knives,” said Mr. Pike, who owned the general store. Hattie Parker excused herself, then turned and quickly walked away. “Tell Becca that when she feels up to it to come by the store for a piece of candy,” said Mr. Pike. “Thank you, I’ll do that.” Before returning home, Mrs. Tennyson bought a dozen onions from Sam. She gave him a dime and told him to keep the change. “I don’t take charity,” Sam told her. “But if you want to buy a few extra onions for Mary Lou, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.” “All right then,” said Mrs. Tennyson, “give me my change in onions.” Sam gave Mrs. Tennyson an additional three onions, and she fed them one at a time to Mary Lou. She laughed as the old donkey ate them out of her hand.”
― Louis Sachar, Holes

“One afternoon, Sam, the onion man, and his donkey, Mary Lou, were returning to his boat, which was anchored just a little off shore. It was late in November and the peach trees had lost most of their leaves. “Sam!” someone called. He turned around to see three men running after him, waving their hats. He waited. “Afternoon, Walter. Bo, Jesse,” he greeted them, as they walked up, catching their breath. “Glad we caught you,” said Bo. “We’re going rattlesnake hunting in the morning.” “We want to get some of your lizard juice,” said Walter. “I ain’t a-scared of no rattlesnake,” said Jesse. “But I don’t want to come across one of those red-eyed monsters. I seen one once, and that was enough. I knew about the red eyes, of course. I hadn’t heard about the big black teeth.” “It’s the white tongues that get me,” said Bo. Sam gave each man two bottles of pure onion juice. He told them to drink one bottle before going to bed that night, then a half bottle in the morning, and then a half bottle around lunchtime. “You sure this stuff works?” asked Walter. “I tell you what,” said Sam. “If it doesn’t, you can come back next week and I’ll give you your money back.” Walter looked around unsure, as Bo and Jesse laughed. Then Sam laughed, too. Even Mary Lou let out a rare hee-haw. “Just remember,” Sam told the men before they left. “It’s very important you drink a bottle tonight. You got to get it into your bloodstream. The lizards don’t like onion blood.”
― Louis Sachar, Holes

“If only, if only, the moon speaks no reply; Reflecting the sun and all that’s gone by. Be strong my weary wolf, turn around boldly. Fly high, my baby bird, My angel, my only”
― Louis Sachar, Holes

“I thought you said the lasagna—”
― Donna Gephart, Death by Toilet Paper

“What is full of holes but can still hold water?   A sponge!”
― Riley Weber, Tongue Twisters for Kids

“Alan Shepard was the first and only interplanetary golfer,” Coke told his sister. “He was also the first and only interplanetary litterbug,” Moe said. “What he did was disgraceful.”
― Dan Gutman, License to Thrill

“ASSUME is to make an ASS of U and ME.”
― Dan Gutman, License to Thrill

“—swarmed by bats, abducted by aliens, sprayed with poison gas, had stuff dropped on our heads . . . ,” said Coke. “And all of these things actually happened?” asked Dr. McDonald. “You didn’t make any of it up?” “Yes, it all happened!” Pep shouted at him. “And a lot of other stuff, too. You could fill a—” “Book!” Dr. McDonald said, his eyes suddenly wide.”
― Dan Gutman, License to Thrill

“OM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM. "Get that carrot!" "Grab it!" But I managed to eat it before they took it from me.”
― Cube Kid, Diary of a Wimpy Villager #6

“OK, here’s the next exercise: transfer a photo from this digital camera to the PC and then upload it to the Internet,”
― David A. Karp, Windows 7 Annoyances: Tips, Secrets, and Solutions

“Ironically, the internal version number of Windows 7 is version 6.1,[1] which implies that Microsoft considers its newest operating system to be a (relatively) minor revision of Windows Vista (version 6.0).”
― David A. Karp, Windows 7 Annoyances: Tips, Secrets, and Solutions

“Go get yourself a nice cup of tea while Windows copies half a million files to your hard disk and reboots a few times.”
― David A. Karp, Windows 7 Annoyances: Tips, Secrets, and Solutions

“where you might expect to find a straightforward folder tree, resides Favorites (how does it know?) and Libraries. Microsoft really wants you to organize your stuff into these rigidly defined categories, although it’s often more efficient to organize files by project rather than data type.”
― David A. Karp, Windows 7 Annoyances: Tips, Secrets, and Solutions

“MYTH 280. | Spaghetti originated in Italy. Spaghetti originated in China. Magellan tasted it on his travels in Asian and brought”
― John Brown, 1000 Random Things You Always Believed That Are Not True

“MYTH 175. | George Washington was the first president of America. Peyton Randolph was the first American President but he was forgotten due to a technicality. When he was President, the United States was called The United Colonies of America.”
― John Brown, 1000 Random Things You Always Believed That Are Not True

“MYTH 141. | Amelia Earhart mysteriously vanished. The mystery behind her sudden disappearance was solved just four years after she went missing. Her plane was found to be crashed near an island in Kiribati and her skeletal remains were found close by as well. The skeleton matched her measurements. They also found her equipment near the wreckage.”
― John Brown, 1000 Random Things You Always Believed That Are Not True

“MYTH506. | There is an American flag on the Moon. According to Buzz Aldrin, one of the astronauts who was on the Moon, he and Neil Armstrong accidentally placed the original American flag too close to their spacecraft, and when they took off, the flag was blown away.”
― John Brown, 1000 Random Things You Always Believed That Are Not True

“MYTH373. | Paul Revere rode through the night to warn the colonists that, "the British are coming!" What really happened is that Revere rode in silence to avoid army patrols while spreading the word to key people. He also used the warning, "the regulars are coming out," as opposed to "the British" since many colonists were still loyal to the crown.”
― John Brown, 1000 Random Things You Always Believed That Are Not True