Laura > Laura's Quotes

“Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.”
― Lemony Snicket

“People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Grim Grotto

“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

“It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Grim Grotto

“Well-read people are less likely to be evil.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Slippery Slope

“It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

“The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.”
― Lemony Snicket

“If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.”
― Lemony Snicket

“If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

“Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Carnivorous Carnival

“Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.”
― Lemony Snicket

“The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Blank Book

“For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Austere Academy

“Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

“Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity.”
― Lemony Snicket

“Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.”
― Lemony Snicket, The End

“This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?”
― Lemony Snicket

“There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.”
― Lemony Snicket

“It is likely I will die next to a pile of things I was meaning to read.”
― Lemony Snicket

“I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters

“There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Grinning is something you do when you are entertained in some way, such as reading a good book or watching someone you don't care for spill orange soda all over themselves.”
― Lemony Snicket

“I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept, probably because I have been reading almost the entire time.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters

“everything happens for a reason.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning

“E!" Klaus cried. "E as in Exit!" The Baudelaires ran down E as in Exit, but when they reached the last
cabinet, the row was becoming F as in Falling File Cabinets, G as in Go the Other Way! and H as in How
in the World Are We Going to Escape?”
― Lemony Snicket, The Hostile Hospital

“Composer” is a word which here means “a person who sits in a room, muttering and humming and figuring out what notes the orchestra is going to play.” This is called composing. But last night, the Composer was not muttering. He was not humming. He was not moving, or even breathing.
This is called decomposing.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Composer Is Dead

“If you like books with happy endings then put this book down immediately.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Complete Wreck