The Complete Wreck Quotes

“If you like books with happy endings then put this book down immediately.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Complete Wreck

“Deciding on the right thing to do in a situation is a bit like deciding on the right thing to wear to a party. It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pair of large pillows, but deciding what is right is much trickier. It might seem right to wear a navy blue suit, for instance, but when you arrive there could be several other people wearing the same thing, and you could end up being handcuffed due to a case of mistaken identity. It might seem right to wear your favorite pair of shoes, but there could be a sudden flood at the party, and your shoes would be ruined. And it might seem right to wear a suit of armor to the party, but there could be several other people wearing the same thing, and you could end up being caught in a flood due to a case of mistaken identity, and find yourself drifting out to sea wishing that you were wearing deep-sea diving equipment after all. The truth is that you can never be sure if you have decided on the right thing until the party is over, and by then it is too late to go back and change your mind, which is why the world is filled with people doing terrible things and wearing ugly clothing, and so few volunteers who are able to stop them.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Just because something is typed—whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book—this does not mean that it is true.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“A letter may be coded, and a word may be coded. A theatrical performance may be coded, and a sonnet may be coded, and there are times when it seems the entire world is in code. Some believe that the world can be decoded by performing research in a library. Others believe that the world can be decoded by reading a newspaper.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Complete Wreck

“As I'm sure you know, to be in one's own room, in one's own bed, can often make a bleak situation a little better”
― Lemony Snicket, The Complete Wreck

“For sapphires we are held in here. Only you can end our fear.” Violet said. “Until dawn comes we cannot speak. No words can come from this sad beak.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“trivial as her hair. This morning she was thinking about how to construct”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Ô Mort, vieux capitaine, il est temps! levons l’ancre! Ce pays nous ennuie, ô Mort! Appareillons! Si le ciel et la mer sont noirs comme de l’encre, Nos coeurs que tu connais sont remplis de rayons!”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“white beans, cherry tomatoes, and fresh basil, all mixed together with lime juice, olive oil, and cayenne pepper,”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“couplet.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“take either forty-eight or eighty-four pages to”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Klaus had been writing down the details of the Baudelaires’ situation in this dark blue notebook, including the fact that it was the Baudelaires, not Olaf, who had burned down the Hotel Denouement. V.F.D. was a secret organization that the Baudelaires had heard about during their travels, and as far as the middle Baudelaire knew it had not been destroyed—not quite—although quite a few V.F.D. agents had been in the hotel when it caught fire. At the moment, Klaus was examining his notes on V.F.D. and the schism, which was an enormous fight involving all of its members and had something to do with a sugar bowl. The middle Baudelaire did not know what the sugar bowl contained, nor did he know the precise whereabouts of one of the organization’s bravest agents, a woman named Kit Snicket. The children had met Kit only once before she headed out to sea herself, planning to meet up with the Quagmire triplets, three friends the Baudelaires had not seen in quite some time who were traveling in a self-sustaining hot air mobile home. Klaus was hoping the notes in his commonplace book would help him figure out exactly where they might be, if he studied them long enough. “And the Baudelaire fortune is finally mine!” Olaf cackled. “Finally, I am a very wealthy man, which means everybody must do what I say!” “Beans,” Sunny said. The youngest Baudelaire was no longer a baby, but she still talked in a somewhat unusual way, and by “beans” she meant something like, “Count Olaf is spouting pure nonsense,” as the Baudelaire fortune was not to be found in the large, wooden boat, and so could not be said to belong to anyone. But when Sunny said “beans,” she also meant “beans.” One of the few things the children had found on board the boat was a large clay jar with a rubber seal, which had been wedged underneath one of the boat’s wooden benches. The jar was quite dusty and looked very old, but the seal was intact, a word which here means “not broken, so the food stored inside was still edible.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“It almost would have been peaceful to sit in a drifting boat and think about their lives, had it not been for the Baudelaires’ unpleasant companion. Their companion’s name was Count Olaf, and it had been the Baudelaire orphans’ misfortune to be in this dreadful man’s company since they had become orphans and he had become their guardian. Olaf had hatched scheme after scheme in an attempt to get his filthy hands on the enormous fortune the Baudelaire parents had left behind, and although each scheme had failed, it appeared as if some of the villain’s wickedness had rubbed off on the children, and now Olaf and the Baudelaires were all in the same boat. Both the children and the count were responsible for a number of treacherous crimes, although at least the Baudelaire orphans had the decency to feel terrible about this, whereas all Count Olaf had been doing for the past few days was bragging about it. “I’ve triumphed!” Count Olaf reiterated, a word which here means “announced for the umpteenth time.” He stood proudly at the front of the boat, leaning against a carving of an octopus attacking a man in a diving suit that served as the boat’s figurehead. “You orphans thought you could escape me, but at last you’re in my clutches!” “Yes, Olaf,” Violet agreed wearily. The eldest Baudelaire did not bother to point out that as they were all alone in the middle of the ocean, it was just as accurate to say that Olaf was in the Baudelaires’ clutches as it was to say they were in his. Sighing, she gazed up at the tall mast of the boat, where a tattered sail drooped limply in the still air. For some time, Violet had been trying to invent a way for the boat to move even when there wasn’t any wind, but the only mechanical materials on board were a pair of enormous spatulas from the Hotel Denouement’s rooftop sunbathing salon. The children had been using these spatulas as oars, but rowing a boat is very hard work, particularly if one’s traveling companions are too busy bragging to help out, and Violet was trying to think of a way they might move the boat faster. “I’ve burned down the Hotel Denouement,” Olaf cried, gesturing dramatically, “and destroyed V.F.D. once and for all!”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Perhaps Mr. Lesko is now your neighbor, or Mrs. Morrow is now your sister, or your mother, or your aunt or wife or even your husband.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“It’s working,” he said, and ran his tongue over his filthy teeth. “The sugar bowl is so close I can taste it!” Klaus took his commonplace book from his pocket, and read his notes intently for a moment. Then he turned to Justice Strauss. “Give me that book, please,” he said, pointing to Jerome Squalor’s book. “The third phrase is the famous unfathomable question in the best-known novel by Richard Wright. Richard Wright was an American novelist of the realist school whose writings illuminated the disparities in race relations. It is likely his work is quoted in a comprehensive history of injustice.” “You can’t read that entire book!” Count Olaf said. “The crowd will find us before you finish the first chapter!” “I’ll look in the index,” Klaus said, “just like I did at Aunt Josephine’s, when we decoded her note and found her hiding place.” “I always wondered how you did that,” Olaf said, sounding almost as if he admired the middle Baudelaire’s research skills. Klaus paged to the back of the book, where the index can usually be found. An index, as I’m sure you know, is a list of everything a book contains, and where each item can be found.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Justice Strauss leaned against an ornamental vase, and her eyes filled with tears. “I’ve failed you again, Baudelaires,” she said. “No matter how I’ve tried to help you, I’ve only put you in more danger. I thought justice would be served if you told the High Court your story, but—” “No one’s interested in their story,” Count Olaf said scornfully. “Even if you wrote down every last detail, no one would read such a dreadful thing. I’ve triumphed over the orphans and over any other person foolish or noble enough to stand in my way. It’s the unraveling of my story, or, as the French say, the noblesse oblige.” “Denouement,” Sunny corrected, but Olaf acted as though he had not heard, and turned his attention to the lock on the door. “That idiot sub-sub said the first phrase is a description of a medical condition that all three Baudelaire children share,” he muttered, and turned to Justice Strauss. “Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon.” “Never,” Justice Strauss said. “I may have failed these children, but I won’t fail V.F.D. You’ll never get the sugar bowl, no matter what terrible threats you make.” “I’ll tell you what the first phrase is,” Klaus said calmly, and his siblings looked at him in astonishment. Justice Strauss looked at him in amazement. Even Count Olaf seemed a little puzzled. “You will?” he asked. “Certainly,” Klaus said.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“They’ve experienced villainy before!” “I don’t!” Sir announced. The children could not tell if he was wearing a blindfold underneath the cloud of smoke that still hung over his head. “They’re nothing but trouble!” “They’re telling the truth!” cried Frank, probably, unless it was Ernest. “They’re lying!” cried Ernest, most likely, although I suppose it could have been Frank. “They’re good students!” said Mr. Remora. “They’re lousy administrative assistants!” said Vice Principal Nero. “They’re bank robbers!” said Mrs. Bass, whose blindfold was covering her small, narrow mask. “Bank robbers?” Mr. Poe asked. “Egad! Who said that?” “They’re guilty!” cried the man with a beard but no hair, although the High Court wasn’t supposed to reach a verdict until all the evidence had been examined. “They’re innocent!” cried Hal. “They’re freaks!” screamed Hugo. “They’re twisted!” shrieked Colette. “They’re right-handed!” yelled Kevin. “They’re headlines!” screeched Geraldine Julienne. “They’re escaping!” said the woman with hair but no beard, and this, at least, was a true statement. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny realized that the crowd was going to do nothing that would stop Count Olaf from dragging Justice Strauss away from the trial, and that the people in the lobby would fail them, as so many noble people had failed them before.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny, who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Fiona, a young woman who had broken Klaus’s heart. And”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“The water cycle consists of three phenomena: evaporation, precipitation, and collection,”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Out of all the words in the English language, the word “set” has the most definitions, and if you open a good dictionary and read the word’s long, long entry, you will begin to think that “set” is scarcely a word at all, only a sound that means something different depending on who is saying it.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“readers.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Cynthia Vane,”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“CHAPTER Five”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“CHAPTER Three”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Officer Luciana.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Crows”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“Gunther had used the initials V.F.D. on the box to mislead the Baudelaires into thinking that their friends were trapped inside, and I’m sorry to tell you that the Baudelaires did not realize it was a red herring until they looked around the stage and saw what the box contained.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material

“disconcerting.”
― Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events Complete Collection: Books 1-13: With Bonus Material