The Wide Window Quotes

“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it would be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Just because something is typed-whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book-this does not mean that it is true.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows, they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Grammar is the greatest joy in life, don't you find?”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“It dawned on them that unlike Aunt Josephine, who had lived up in that house, sad and alone, the three children had one another for comfort and support over the course of their miserable lives. And while this did not make them feel entirely safe, or entirely happy, it made them feel appreciative.

They leaned up against one another appreciatively, and small smiles appeared on their damp and anxious faces. They had each other. I'm not sure that "The Beaudelaires had each other" is the moral of this story, but to the three siblings it was enough. To have each other in the midst of their unfortunate lives felt like having a sailboat in the middle of a hurricane, and to the Beaudelaire orphans this felt very fortunate indeed.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“...she was so afraid of everything that she made it impossible to really enjoy anything at all.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated. Frustrated babies tend to throw food and make a mess. Frustrated citizens tend to execute kings and queens and make a democracy. And frustrated moths tend to bang up against lightbulbs and make light fixtures all dusty.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“If you were upset about an ugly pimple on the end of your nose, you might try to feel better by keeping your pimple in perspective. You might compare your pimple situation to that of someone who was being eaten by a bear, and when you looked in the mirror at your ugly pimple, you could say to yourself, 'Well, at least I'm not being eaten by a bear.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“The only thing he cares about.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Business cards, of course, are not proof of anything. Anyone can go to a print shop and have cards made that say anything they like. The king of Denmark can order business cards that say he sells golf balls. Your dentist can order business cards that say she is your grandmother. In order to escape from the castle of an enemy of mine, I once had cards printed that said I was an admiral in the French navy. Just because something is typed - whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book - this does not mean it is true.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“There are two kinds of fears; rational and irrational - or, in simple terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. For instance, the Baudelaire orphans have a fear of Count Olaf, which makes perfect sense, because he is an evil man who wants to destroy them. But if they were afraid of lemon meringue pie, this would be an irrational fear, because lemon meringue pie is delicious and has never hurt a soul. Being afraid of a monster under the bed is perfectly rational, because there may in fact be a monster under your bed at any time, ready to eat you all up, but a fear of realtors is an irrational fear. Realtors, as I'm sure you know, are people who assist in the buying and selling of houses. Besides occasionally wearing an ugly yellow coat, the worst a realtor can do to you is show you a house that you find ugly, and so it is completely irrational to be terrified of them.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“For Beatrice- I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Their adventure would be exciting and memorable like being chased by a werewolf through a field of thorny bushes at midnight with nobody around to help you.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Oftentimes, when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Never trust anyone without a book.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“There are few sights sadder than a ruined book, but Klaus had no time to be sad.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“As I’m sure you know, to be in one’s own room, in one’s own bed, can often make a bleak situation a little better.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“But you can't invent things like time,' Violet said. 'You can invent things like automatic popcorn poppers. You can invent things like steam-powered window waster. But you can't invent more time.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“But even if they could go home it would be difficult for me to tell you what the moral of the story is. In some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears', for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house". The moral of 'Snow White' is "Never eat apples". The moral of World War One is "Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“I have seen many amazing things in my long and troubled life history. I have seen a series of corridors built entirely out of human skulls. I have seen a volcano erupt and send a wall of lava crawling towards a small village. I have seen a women I loved picked up by an enormous eagle and flown to its high mountain next. But I still cannot imagine what it was like to watch Aunt Josephine's house topple into Lake Lachrymose.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“There are men and women who are experts in the field of handwriting analysis. They are called graphologists, and they attend graphological schools in order to get their degrees in graphology. You might think that this situation would call for a graphologist, but there are time when an expert's opinion in unnecessary. For instance, if a friend of yours brought you her pet dog, and said she was concerned because it wasn't laying eggs, you would not have to be a veterinarian to tell her that dogs do not lay eggs and so there was nothing to worry about.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Yes,' she said, in a faraway voice, 'he was my husband, but he was much more than that. He was my best friend, my partner in grammar, and the only person I knew who could whistle with crackers in his mouth.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“For although Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire were about to experience events that would be both exciting and memorable, they would not be exciting and memorable like having your fortune told or going to a rodeo. Their adventure would be exciting and memorable like being chased by a werewolf through a field of thorny bushes at midnight with nobody around to help you.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“When you have only know someone for a few hours it is difficult to now what they would like to hear.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window