Decoder > Decoder's Quotes

“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Foaly: Anyone see you come in here?
Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.
Foaly: The EIB?
Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl Band 1-3

“Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression.
Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case?
Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor.
Doctor Po: Yes?
Artemis: My mother, she...
Doctor Po: Your mother, yes?
Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Arctic Incident

“No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Listen to me, goblin. You're stupid, let's accept that and move on.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Trust me. I'm a genius.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told.
--Artemis Fowl”
― Eoin Colfer, The Artemis Fowl Files

“Who are you?" he asked.
I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox

“Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Artemis Fowl Files

“Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox

“I don't like lollipops.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Arctic Incident

“That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy."
Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things."
But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror."
I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?"
Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“D'Arvit!”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl Band 1-3

“I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order à la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox

“(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“I bet," said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn."
Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.
Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox

“I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“(text message) CMDR ROOT. TRBLE BELOW. HAVN OVRRN BY GOBLINS. PLCE PLAZA SRROUNDED. CUDGEON + OPL KBOI BHND PLOT. NO WPONS OR CMMUNICATIONS. DNA CNONS CNTRLLED BY KBOI. I M TRPPED IN OP BTH. CNCL THNKS IM 2 BLM. IF ALIVE PLSE HLP. IF NOT, WRNG NMBR.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Arctic Incident

“Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals." Holly said.

"Not me!" said Orion cheerily, "I'm just a Teenager with hormones running wild and may I say, young fairy lady, they're running wild in your direction.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Atlantis Complex