The Lost Colony Quotes

“No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Relax, Mr. Diggums. Have another nettle beer, or some spring water." The commander took two bottles from the cooler and offered one to Mulch.
Mulch studied the label. "Derrier? No thanks. You know how they put the bubbles in this stuff?"
Vinyaya's mouth twitched with the ghost of a smile. "I thought it was naturally carbonated."
"Yeah, that's what I thought until I got a prison job at the Derrier plant. They employ every dwarf in the Deeps. They made us sign confidentiality contracts."
Vinyaya was hooked. "So go on, tell me. How do they get the bubbles in?"
Mulch tapped his nose. "Can't say. Breach of contract. All I can say is it involves a huge vat of water and several dwarfs using our ...eh" Mulch pointed to his rear end-"... natural talents."
Vinyaya gingerly replaced her bottle.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“A cloak of invisibility? This is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Holly frowned at her. "Glad to see you've forgiven yourself so quickly."
"Harboring feelings of guilt can have a negative affect on mental health."
"Child geniuses," growled Holly.
"Genii," said Minerva.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“There are always a few bored audience members at an opera, especially by the time act four comes along. Those particular eyes would be wandering around the hall, searching for something, anything, interesting to watch. Those eyes would land on the little demon downstage right, unless they were distracted.
Right on cue, a large stage lamp broke free of its clamp in the rigging and swung on its cable into the back canvas. [...]
On his way though the lobby minutes later, Artemis was highly amuse to overhear several audience members gushing over the unorthodox direction of the opera's final scene. The exploding lamp, muse one buff, was doubtless a metaphor for Norma's own falling star. But no, argued a second. The lamp was obviously a modernistic interpretation of the burning stake that Norma was about to face.
Or perhaps, thought Artemis as he pushed through the crowd to find a light Sicilian mist falling on his forehead, the exploding lamp was simply an exploding lamp.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Just what we need," moaned Holly. "Artemis Fowl with magical powers.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Caballine likes me to be masterful. She calls me her stallion.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Control puberty?" snorted the bodyguard."If you manage that, you'll be the first.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“I am older and have more control over my empathy,' said Qwan. 'That's why I didn't throw up.' And having said that, he threw up.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Chief of security : They have a tank! How did they get a tank up here?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“You know as well as I do that fortune never sends the best-case scenario our way
You have way too much bad karma.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“It can play solitaire and minesweeper,” replied Artemis innocently.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Make it fast, you shower of stinking rabbit droppings, I've got a fresh blade that I'm just itching to test!”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Artemis put his decaf cappuccino down gently, so as not to rattle the saucer. “We’re at the Nice Library trying to dig up anything on this Minerva person. Perhaps we can find out if she has a villa near here.” “Glad to hear it,” said Holly. “I had visions of you two drinking tea at the beach while I sweat it out here.” Twenty yards from where Artemis was sitting, waves swirled along the beach like emerald paint poured from a bucket. “Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Great, thought Holly. No matter what dimension you’re in, there’s a bigheaded male trying to take over the world.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“When Holly Short had opened the door of her makeshift basement cell, she had found her helmet bouncing on the spot in front of her with a 3-D image of Foaly’s face projected onto it. “That is really creepy,”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Mulch groaned internally. Their little band of adventurers needed another smartass like they needed ten years of bad luck.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Holly, I wish you wouldn’t appear like that. I’m a bodyguard. I get jumpy.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“I am exactly the right age for this project,” said Minerva. “I’m young enough to believe in magic and old enough to understand how it works.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Miss Paradizo," he said gently. "Minerva. Listen to me for a few moments—you will feel the truth of what I say."

Minerva tutted. "Why is that? Because we're connected?"

"Actually, we are. We are similar people. Both the most intelligent person in whatever room we happen to be in. Both constantly underestimated. Both determined to shine brightest in whichever discipline we pursue. Both dogged by scorn and loneliness."

"Ridiculous," scoffed Minerva, but her protestations rang hollow. "I am not lonely. I have my work."

Artemis persisted. "I know how it feels, Minerva. And let me tell you, no matter how many prizes you win, no matter how many theorems you prove, it will not be enough to make people like you.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“On his way though the lobby minutes later, Artemis was highly amused to overhear several audience members gushing over the unorthodox direction of the opera's final scene. The exploding lamp, mused one buff, was doubtless a metaphor for Norma's own falling star. But no, argued a second. The lamp was obviously a modernistic interpretation of the burning stake which Norma was about to face.

Or perhaps, thought Artemis as he pushed through the crowd to find a light Sicilian mist falling on his forehead, the exploding lamp was simply an exploding lamp.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“She supposed this irritating bickering was how the males of every species showed affection.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“But calling up magic when there were arrows flying and chunks of the countryside disappearing was about as easy as going to the toilet on command with a dozen people watching. Who all hated you.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“The female guard smiled broadly then collapsed. On the ground she began singing a nursery rhyme about doggies and their bones.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“That is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony