Quotes - Kaid (The United States) Showing 1-16 of 16

#1

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

148381 likes

#2

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry

tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins

24399 likes

#3

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost

tags: life

109283 likes

#4

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”
― Dr. Seuss

tags: fantasy

36841 likes

#5

“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
― Woody Allen

tags: death, fear, humor, life

25654 likes

#6

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor

1099 likes

#7

“Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.”
― Steve Martin

tags: humor, words

2963 likes

#8

“The answer is that we don't choose our freaks, they choose us.”
― Steve Almond, Candyfreak: A Journey through the Chocolate Underbelly of America

tags: first-sentence, freaks

79 likes

#9

“If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you.”
― Steve Martin

tags: insignificance, wealth

307 likes

#10

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain

34478 likes

#11

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing

32148 likes

#12

“Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”
― Charles J. Sykes, Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write or Add

tags: humor, misattributed-to-bill-gates, nerd, nerds, work

15560 likes

#13

“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”
― Markus Herz

tags: books, health, humor, misattributed-mark-twain, misprints

13747 likes

#14

“No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.
"Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"
"What?"
"Oh, you'd like something simpler?”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

tags: absurd, humor, interrogation, police

1975 likes

#15

“If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?”
― Jon Stewart

tags: absurd, good-questions

307 likes

#16

“A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men.
I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.”
― Woody Allen

tags: absurd

152 likes

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