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  • #1
    Groucho Marx
    “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
    ― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx
    tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
    38004 likes

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  • #2
    Charles Bukowski
    “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
    ― Charles Bukowski
    tags: humor
    22525 likes

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  • #3
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
    148592 likes

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  • #4
    Jane Austen
    “The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
    ― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
    tags: aliteracy, books, classic, humor
    51667 likes

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  • #5
    Steve Martin
    “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
    ― Steve Martin
    tags: humor, obvious, simile
    35264 likes

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  • #6
    Robert A. Heinlein
    “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
    ― Robert A. Heinlein
    tags: cats, humor, women
    28815 likes

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  • #7
    Mark Twain
    “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
    ― Mark Twain
    34483 likes

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  • #8
    John Green
    “Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.”
    ― John Green
    tags: humor, nerdfighters
    21598 likes

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  • #9
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    ― Paul Terry
    tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins
    24397 likes

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  • #10
    Woody Allen
    “I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
    ― Woody Allen
    tags: death, fear, humor, life
    25658 likes

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  • #11
    Charles M. Schulz
    “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
    ― Charles M. Schulz
    tags: chocolate, food, humor
    26812 likes

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  • #12
    Douglas Adams
    “The story so far:
    In the beginning the Universe was created.
    This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
    tags: humor, scifi
    23473 likes

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  • #13
    Groucho Marx
    “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
    ― Groucho Marx
    tags: books, humor, reading, television
    23106 likes

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  • #14
    Terry Pratchett
    “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Diggers
    tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
    21445 likes

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  • #15
    Bill Watterson
    “Reality continues to ruin my life.”
    ― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
    tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life
    21210 likes

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  • #16
    Suzanne Collins
    “Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.”
    ― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
    tags: humor
    17968 likes

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  • #17
    J.K. Rowling
    “Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
    "Yes," said Harry stiffly.
    "Yes, sir."
    "There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
    The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.”
    ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
    tags: humor, rebellion, sarcasm
    15177 likes

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  • #18
    Lewis Carroll
    “It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
    ― Lewis Carroll
    tags: alice, humor, inspirational, philosophy-of-life, psychological, yesterday
    17435 likes

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  • #19
    Chuck Palahniuk
    “All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
    ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
    tags: god, humor, life
    11623 likes

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  • #20
    George V. Higgins
    “This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”
    ― George V. Higgins, The Friends of Eddie Coyle
    tags: humor, life, misattributed-john-wayne
    11399 likes

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  • #21
    Terry Pratchett
    “Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Jingo
    tags: humor, proverb
    12947 likes

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  • #22
    Groucho Marx
    “When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
    ― Groucho Marx
    tags: friends, humor, jail
    10183 likes

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  • #23
    J.K. Rowling
    “Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.
    Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.
    Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.
    Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.”
    ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
    tags: harry-potter, humor, james-potter, remus-lupin, sirius-black, snape, wormtail
    10337 likes

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  • #24
    J.K. Rowling
    “He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.”
    ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
    tags: humor, shampoo
    10163 likes

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  • #25
    Terry Pratchett
    “Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
    tags: humor
    10162 likes

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  • #26
    Billy Sunday
    “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    ― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ
    tags: automobile, car, funny, humor, religious
    8923 likes

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  • #27
    I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun.
    “I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun.”
    ― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
    tags: truth
    11973 likes

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  • #28
    Markus Zusak
    “Mistakes, mistakes, it’s all I seem capable of at times.”
    ― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
    1 likes

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  • #29
    Markus Zusak
    “Liesel observed the strangeness of her foster father’s eyes. They were made of kindness, and silver. Like soft silver, melting. Liesel, upon seeing those eyes, understood that Hans Hubermann was worth a lot.”
    ― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
    8 likes

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  • #30
    I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control
    “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
    tags: attributed-no-source, best, life, love, misattributed-marilyn-monroe, mistakes, out-of-control, truth, worst
    165376 likes



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Tags From Abby’s Quotes

animals
books
dogs
friends
humor
attributed-no-source
human-nature
infinity
philosophy
science
stupidity
universe
aliteracy
classic
obvious
simile
cats
women
nerdfighters
exercise
laziness
misattributed-to-hutchins
death
fear
life
chocolate
food
scifi
reading
television
open-mind
thinking
calvin-and-hobbes
rebellion
sarcasm
alice
inspirational
philosophy-of-life
psychological
yesterday
god
misattributed-john-wayne
proverb
jail
harry-potter
james-potter
remus-lupin
sirius-black
snape
wormtail
shampoo
automobile
car
funny
religious
truth
best
love
misattributed-marilyn-monroe
mistakes
out-of-control
worst