Jester Plays > Jester's Quotes

“Well, if you were perfect, then you wouldn't be real. Maybe those things about you that you think I hate are actually the ones I find most interesting...”
― Jeff Erno, Trust Me

“Oh cripes, I can hardly walk! I think the circulation‟s getting cut off in my legs.”
Shawn's mouth dropped open slightly and he furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“Shawn, I'm wearing every single pair of underpanties that I own. Twenty-six pair.”
― Jeff Erno, Trust Me

“You want to know what it feels like to be castrated? Try having your nine-year-old brother protect you from your ex-girlfriend after you've told her you're in love with a man.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“There's nothing like being admonished by a nine-year-old ecoterrorist in training.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“You were the only thing that made me feel safe when the earthquakes threatened to break me. I needed you here because when you're not here, I don't have a home.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don’t lead cows to slaughter!
I love you, and I know
I should’ve told you soon-a
But you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna!”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I know that," the Kid says smartly. "Some people are just not meant to be together. But that doesn't mean you can't love them.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I’ll never understand why people just won’t let others be who they are. It’s not like it’s affecting them in any way”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“You got a better word for a guy who's swept my chimney five times in one night?"
-Dr. Jack Francisco”
― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

“This ain't Halloween." he said.

"What's that mean?"

"Means I ain't sharin' my candy.”
― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

“Real fuckin' close. Too fuckin' close. Ta think I almos' put a bullet between them eyes, and took that life that now I'd die ta save, and I never woulda known what he was in the world, and who he was or could be, and I woulda never even known what I was missin', nor known how right it could feel just ta lay my fingers alongside his.”
― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

“D snorted. “Gotta be prepared.” He looked up at Jack’s face, frowning. “What?”
Jack shrugged. “It’s just….” He sighed. “I’m starting to see words like ‘accessory’ and ‘accomplice’ floating around my head.”
D barely reacted. “How about ‘dead on arrival’? Ya like that better?”
Jack nodded, pressing his lips together. “Get more ammo. Ammo is good.”
― Jane Seville

“Kissing Jack wasn't what he'd expected. Not letting himself
do it for this long now seemed kind of stupid ... or a lot
stupid. What had he been afraid of? Too intimate, too
romantic, too ... just too. Sex was okay, even sucking dick
was okay. That was to get off. Kissing, though ... that you did
only because you had something to say that words didn't
quite do it for. That meant feelings and messiness.”
― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

“Watching him from a distance for ten years doesn’t make you an expert, you know!”
“Sleeping with him for two months doesn’t make you one, either,” she said, cool as a cucumber.
Churchill recoiled with a wide-eyed “oh no she DIDN’T” expression that might have been funny under different circumstances.”
― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

“I do not either want to, and them candies make me
think a my grandmother, so it's real fuckin' weird that you
turned 'em inta some kinda sex fantasy, okay? 'Cause then I
get all mixed up in my head where I'm in my grandma's livin'
room makin' Play-Doh french fries while you suck my dick and
that's just ten kinds a wrong. Even I ain't that fucked up.”
― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

“D stared out the window, shoving down the feeling that it might be real nice to sit here and tell Jack Francisco everything about himself, confess things he'd never told nobody, just to feel like somebody cared, and to keep those big blue eyes fixed on him for as long as he could.”
― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

“Stud,” D repeated, growly and low. Jack snorted. “You got a better word for a guy who’s swept my chimney five times in one night?”
― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

“No, Jack, we cain’t sneak by. These aren’t movie bad guys who don’t got no peripheral vision and we can just slip past while they’re lookin’ the other way. You want yer life, you gotta fuckin’ take it.”
― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

“Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
"Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."
...
I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
"I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
"And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt.”
― Rick Riordan, The Titan’s Curse

“With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.”
― Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian

“Be careful of love. It'll twist your brain around and leave you thinking up is down and right is wrong.”
― Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth

“Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.”
― Rick Riordan, The Titan’s Curse

“Grover was sniffing the wind, looking nervous. He fished out his acorns and threw them into the sand, then played his pipes. They rearranged themselves in a pattern that made no sense to me, but Grover looked concerned.
"That's us," he said. "Those five nuts right there."
"Which one is me?" I asked.
"The little deformed one," Zoe suggested.
"Oh, shut up.”
― Rick Riordan, The Titan’s Curse

“Wow," Thalia muttered. "Apollo is hot."
"He's the sun god," I said.
"That's not what I meant.”
― Rick Riordan, The Titan’s Curse

“The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her.”
― Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters

“Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."
"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
"A god named Fred?”
― Rick Riordan

“People are more difficult to work with than machines. And when you break a person, he can't be fixed.”
― Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth

“What if it lines up like it did in the Trojan War ... Athena versus Poseidon?"
"I don't know. But I just know that I'll be fighting next to you."
"Why?"
"Because you're my friend, Seaweed Brain. Any more stupid questions?”
― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

“Go on with what your heart tells you, or you will lose all.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

“He cleared his throat and held up one hand dramatically.
“Green grass breaks through snow.
Artemis pleads for my help.
I am so cool.”
He grinned at us, waiting for applause.
"That last line was four syllables.” Artemis said.
Apollo frowned. “Was it?”
“Yes. What about I am so bigheaded?”
“No, no, that’s six syllable, hhhm.” He started muttering to himself.
Zoe Nightshade turned to us. “Lord Apollo has been going through this haiku phase ever since he visited Japan. Tis not as bad as the time he visited Limerick. If I’d had to hear one more poem that started with, There once was a godess from Sparta-"
“I’ve got it!” Apollo announced. “I am so awesome. That’s five syllables!” He bowed, looking very pleased with himself.”
― Rick Riordan, The Titan’s Curse