John > John's Quotes

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  • #1
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
    148488 likes

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  • #2
    Mae West
    “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
    ― Mae West
    tags: humor, life
    119129 likes

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  • #3
    Friedrich Nietzsche
    “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche
    tags: friendship, lack-of-friendship, lack-of-love, love, marriage, unhappy-marriage
    42428 likes

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  • #4
    Robert A. Heinlein
    “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
    ― Robert A. Heinlein
    tags: cats, humor, women
    28794 likes

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  • #5
    Douglas Adams
    “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
    tags: life, navigation
    39256 likes

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  • #6
    I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!
    “I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
    ― Charles M. Schulz
    tags: humor, mankind, people
    18545 likes

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  • #7
    Douglas Adams
    “For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
    tags: humour
    10129 likes

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  • #8
    Neil Gaiman
    “Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”
    ― Neil Gaiman, Coraline
    tags: books, dragons, fairy-tales, inspirational, paraphrasing-g-k-chesterton
    45219 likes

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  • #9
    W.C. Fields
    “I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
    ― W.C. Fields
    18676 likes

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  • #10
    Mark Twain
    “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: humor, politics
    9103 likes

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  • #11
    Alexandre Dumas fils
    “The difference between genius and stupidity is: genius has its limits.”
    ― Alexandre Dumas-fils
    tags: misattributed-to-einstein
    21519 likes

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  • #12
    Douglas Adams
    “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
    tags: humor, perspective, science
    5859 likes

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  • #13
    Roald Dahl
    “And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”
    ― Roald Dahl
    tags: believe, glittering-eyes, hidden, magic, secrets, unlikely-places, watch, world
    12132 likes

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  • #14
    Theodore Roosevelt
    “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
    ― Theodore Roosevelt
    tags: inspirational, politics, presidential
    8515 likes

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  • #15
    Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
    “Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
    ― Kurt Vonnegut
    tags: humour, telekinetics
    10119 likes

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  • #16
    Mark Twain
    “The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: aliteracy, attributed-no-source, literacy
    41006 likes

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  • #17
    Alan Moore
    “My experience of life is that it is not divided up into genres; it’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you're lucky.”
    ― Alan Moore
    tags: life
    6797 likes

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  • #18
    Mark Twain
    “Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: patriotism, politics
    6007 likes

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  • #19
    Mark Twain
    “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: living, world
    8287 likes

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  • #20
    Benjamin Franklin
    “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
    ― Benjamin Franklin, Memoirs of the life & writings of Benjamin Franklin
    tags: freedom, liberty, privacy, safety, security
    3384 likes

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  • #21
    Douglas Adams
    “The major problem—one of the major problems, for there are several—one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.
    To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it.
    To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
    tags: elections, hg2g, politics, rulers
    2909 likes

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  • #22
    G.K. Chesterton
    “Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.”
    ― G.K. Chesterton, Alarms and Discursions
    tags: cheese, poetry
    5005 likes

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  • #23
    Christopher Moore
    “People, generally, suck.”
    ― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror
    tags: humor
    2436 likes

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  • #24
    Neil Gaiman
    “I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.”
    ― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
    tags: dying, facts, fame, knowing, love, poverty, reality, school, teach, wealth
    18636 likes

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  • #25
    Douglas Adams
    “A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”
    ― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
    tags: design, foolproof, ingenuity
    3748 likes

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  • #26
    David Sedaris
    “Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.”
    ― David Sedaris
    tags: humor, perception, retardation
    1414 likes

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  • #27
    Mark Twain
    “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”
    ― Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad / Roughing It
    tags: travel
    3985 likes

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  • #28
    Leonardo da Vinci
    “A painter should begin every canvas with a wash of black, because all things in nature are dark except where exposed by the light.”
    ― Leonardo da Vinci
    tags: art, inspirational
    5058 likes

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  • #29
    Mark Twain
    “If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: misattributed-mark-twain, newspapers
    3561 likes

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  • #30
    Marilyn Monroe
    “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
    tags: attributed-no-source, girls, love
    21611 likes



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human-nature
humor
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