Molly Carson > Molly's Quotes

“He shoved the phone at her again. “What does this do?” Hand shaking, she took it from him. “Um. It’s called a Smartphone. You can talk to people or send messages. It’s got Internet too.” She pointed to a collection of funny looking symbols on the glossy surface. Inter-net. Is that used for some sort of fishing? And why is the phone called smart? Were prior ones stupid?”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Any day now?” Viktor prodded. “Sì, sì. Do not get your…” Niccolo paused to recall the exact phrase. “Get your balls in a bunch.” Viktor shook his head. “Panties.” Niccolo frowned. “Why would you wear panties? Aren’t those for females?” Viktor growled. “Can we go now?” “Yes, but I insist you tell me more about your man-panties later.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Come, my handsome vampire. I have a few things I must do to prepare you. Then I’ll put you somewhere safe to await your bride. Oh—I know!” She clapped excitedly. “You can stay inside my piggy bank! And I’ll create a drama-tastic jungle intro to your lady! How about Romancing the Stone meets Apocalypto?”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Wow! First vampires. Then gods. Now…vampire—gods? What’s next? Werewolves? Smurfs? Were-Smurfs?”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“You may rely on it," he (Tommasso) said with that exotic accent.

"Sorry, I don't speak Magic 8-Ball.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally in Love with... a God?

“If you love her, set her free. If she comes back, she’s yours. If she doesn’t…Christ! Stubborn woman! Hunt her down, and bring her the hell back; she’s still yours according to vampire law.”


- Niccolo DiConti, General of the Vampire Queen’s Army.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Although he was an ancient Viking, Viktor wasn’t “old school” as the younger vampires called it. Viktor embraced everything modern, and that included automatic handguns with custom made wooden bullets and quirky sayings like, “That’s right, bitches! Who’s your bad-dy?”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Andrus turned the engine and gave her a suspicious look. “You smell like...” He shifted into drive. “What?” “Nothing, but—did something happen inside?” Could he really smell…that? He crinkled his nose. “Your face is red and your scent is…” Oh, God. He can! Kill me now! Giant bomb, falling tree, spontaneous combustion…anything!”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“So. You in?” Niccolo looked from side to side. “In? In what?” “Yes. In. Are you onboard? Ready to throw down. Roll the dice. Ride that crazy cow called life and make her your bitch?” Niccolo frowned. Her colloquialisms were simply offensive. And this coming from a ruthless vampire. “You are asking if I am committed. Sì?” “Siii.” She rolled her eyes.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“You’re hurt,” she commented. And I care? Okay. It’s official. I’m my own species now: pathetic-deathwish-osaurus…I sooo hear extinction calling me.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Okay. Good point.” He’s very honest. I should ask how he is in bed. She slapped her hands over her mouth. “I didn’t just say that out loud again, did I?”
"Yes, you did.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“An hour later, a nameless, cold-faced man returned with a tray of fresh pasta, warm bread, and a few bags of brand new comfort clothes: yoga pants, tees, a few sports bras, and...pink thong underwear? Well, of course. Wouldn't want to be held prisoner and have panty lines.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally in Love with... a God?

“Control, no. This place—I simply do not understand it. The humans here wear giant cocktail glasses around their necks and insert exorbitant amounts of money into little machines that light up. I still cannot understand, however, why they call them ‘slut machines.’ Is because they steal your money?” “I believe the correct name is ‘slot machine.’ They’re kind of fun…”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Yes, a proud, proud moment in my life. If only that could go on my Facebook timeline!”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“As darkness descended, fear continued hammering on the cracks of her rational mind. Even the critters had decided to ratchet up the volume. Great. A creepy nature soundtrack for my own personal nightmare. “How about some Tomb Raider music, people!”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Hey, I’ve been alive for a very, very long time. Boring,” she sang out. “Gotta do something for kicks, and a good apocalypse every now and then fills the cracks. It’s like the Super Bowl for us gods…but without the beer and everyone could die. Fun, right?”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“What the hell?” Helena objected. “And would someone please flick a Bic or rub two sticks together? I want to die knowing exactly what killed me.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Niccolo had never seen so many gadgets and flashing lights, all just so they could remotely observe an abandoned military hanger about a quarter mile away. In the good ol’ days, we just hid behind a bush.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Cimil watched Helena disappear into the pawnshop. “Ha! Did I tell you this was gonna be drama-tastic, or what?” she said toward the roof of the car. “Just wait ‘til you see what I have coming next! That vampire’s gonna be so jealous, his head’s going to spin like a Beyblade.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Is there any spot on his body that isn’t hard? Tonsils? Kidneys? Oh! His tongue... silky little devil.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?