Andre BFG > Andre's Quotes

“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
― Groucho Marx

“As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
― H.L. Mencken, On Politics: A Carnival of Buncombe

“Politicians are not born; they are excreted.”
― Marcus Tullius Cicero

“To be fair, any condemnation of the worst parts of human nature is going to read as a veiled criticism of Trump”
― Alicia Ewert

“Heavy Metal would not exist without Led Zeppelin, and if it did, it would suck.”
― Dave Grohl

“It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged. ”
― G.K. Chesterton

“If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.”
― Oscar Wilde

“What I mean and what I say is two different things," the BFG announced rather grandly.”
― Roald Dahl, The BFG

“If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.”
― Toni Morrison

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
― Lily Tomlin

“If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.”
― Eddie Izzard

“Watashi no hobākurafuto wa unagi de ippai desu”
― Monty Python

“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”
― Ambrose Bierce

“When the evidence for and against "democracy being the finest system of government yet invented" is weighed, George W Bush is going to tip the scales very heavily against.”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“Led Zeppelin was the rock band's rock band, but it was Plant who made it special. He had the knack of taking a seemingly inconsequential string of words, adding a searing shriek, and knocking the listener back on his heels. This was no less impressive on stage than in the restaurant.”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“Wikipedia is run by hippies of course - the same kind of impractical utopian losers who gave us the first affordable desktop computer and the iPod”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“As me old granny used to say before they carried her home to glory, there's three parts to a good sermon. First The Hook, then lay on The Guilt, then you deliver The Sting. I'll be sending the collection plate round shortly.”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“Think about it. When you reach 18 you're no longer an underage drinker. This means that drinking is no longer an act of rebellion, and so there's no point in doing it any more. You've got to find some other way of looking hard in front of your friends, like attaching weights to your testicles and swimming naked through the snapping turtle pond at the zoo”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“Life's not always a bed of noses. "We've been put on this earth to do good, and as long as you can put you hand on yer heart and say you've done yer best you can gan to yer rest with an easy conscience," was what me granny used to say. Before they dragged her off to the funny farm dressed as a Christmas turkey (it were the stuffing that gave the game away).”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“Even rocket science ain't rocket science nowadays. Not compared to negotiating a relationship anyway. Now why don't they teach you the equations for THAT at college eh? "Oh, just close your eyes, and aim in the general direction. If you get into trouble just press this button which will lower a bottle of The Macallan into your hand and eject your brain clean out of your skull. You'll parachute safely back to earth and definitely will not end up in a screaming mass of smoking hot twisted metal on a hillside somewhere.”
― Andre the BFG

“There is no relationship between brain size and intelligence. There is however a strong correlation between the size of the brain and the tendency to monthly episodes of irrational moodiness.”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“There is something about having a charismatic blonde at the front that seems to lift any random collection of axe wielding blokes out of the ordinary. Just look at the Thatcher government.”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“The celebs I hate are the manufactured celebs. Famous people are surrounded by parasites and cocksuckers - people who hope to make a bit out of it themselves or grab a few crumbs from the table. But a while back one of these parasites figured out "why go through all the hard work of trying to discover a talented sucker before somebugger else does?". "Why not just CREATE one, right here, right now?". So they pick someone who maybe owns one or two bits of the celebrity toolbox - an arse that doesn't look like it fell off the back of a refuse truck, or a complete lack of self-consciousness - and teach them to simulate the other bits. It works fine for the cameras, but when you meet them in real life - oh dear.”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace