Andre's Adventures in MySpace Quotes

“The celebs I hate are the manufactured celebs. Famous people are surrounded by parasites and cocksuckers - people who hope to make a bit out of it themselves or grab a few crumbs from the table. But a while back one of these parasites figured out "why go through all the hard work of trying to discover a talented sucker before somebugger else does?". "Why not just CREATE one, right here, right now?". So they pick someone who maybe owns one or two bits of the celebrity toolbox - an arse that doesn't look like it fell off the back of a refuse truck, or a complete lack of self-consciousness - and teach them to simulate the other bits. It works fine for the cameras, but when you meet them in real life - oh dear.”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“There is something about having a charismatic blonde at the front that seems to lift any random collection of axe wielding blokes out of the ordinary. Just look at the Thatcher government.”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“There is no relationship between brain size and intelligence. There is however a strong correlation between the size of the brain and the tendency to monthly episodes of irrational moodiness.”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace

“A little work with an ordinary household screwdriver can provide a handy and non-confrontational way of limiting the beer consumption of your partner. Simply remount the door on the other side after his 10th can of lager and he won't be able to figure out how to open it before the commercial break finishes.”
― Andre the BFG, Andre's Adventures in MySpace