Izzy > Izzy's Quotes

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”
― Bill Keane

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
― Thomas A. Edison

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
― Jim Henson

“Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.”
― Mark Twain

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
― W.C. Fields

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
― Thomas Szasz

“Expect everything, I always say, and the unexpected never happens.”
― Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

“The most important reason for going from one place to another is to see what's in between, and they took great pleasure in doing just that.”
― Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

“Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need, the time you need to have the time of your life. ”
― Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

“You may not see it now," said the Princess of Pure Reason, looking knowingly at Milo's puzzled face, "but whatever we learn has a purpose and whatever we do affects everything and everyone else, if even in the tiniest way. Why, when a housefly flaps his wings, a breeze goes round the world; when a speck of dust falls to the ground, the entire planet weighs a little more; and when you stamp your foot, the earth moves slightly off its course. Whenever you laugh, gladness spreads like the ripples in the pond; and whenever you're sad, no one anywhere can be really happy. And it's much the same thing with knowledge, for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer.”
― Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain

“Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.”
― Lemony Snicket

“Never memorize something that you can look up.”
― Albert Einstein

“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

“My experience of life is that it is not divided up into genres; it’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you're lucky.”
― Alan Moore

“If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.”
― Mark Twain

“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“People, generally, suck.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain

“When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.”
― Herman Wouk

“I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.”
― Geoff Johns, Teen Titans, Vol. 3: Beast Boys and Girls

“French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused.”
― Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss

“There seem to be a lot of gay people there...Oh please, as if that's what I meant by that. Trust me, none of them would ever want to fuck you anyway. They're gay, not blind.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“I don't give a shit how it happened, the window is broken... Wait, why is there syrup everywhere? Okay, you know what? Now I give a shit how it happened, Let's hear it.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On Lego's

"Listen, I don't want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there, it looks a pile of shit.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”
― Justin Halpern (Sh*t My Dad Says)

“See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.”
― Justin Halpern