More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
I’ll always make sure you’re okay.
I just had three hot dogs and a twenty-piece nugget meal.” “Where the hell does it all go?” “Mostly to my dick.” I stare at him. Did he just say… “What?” I ask. He cracks up. “I don’t know. I guess I have a fast metabolism.” “Did you just say the food goes to your dick?” “Yeah. Wouldn’t that be crazy? If you could also gain weight in your dick? Like instead of your stomach, your dick gets bigger? And then you have to work it out somehow? But like, not by fucking. That wouldn’t work. You’d really need to isolate that muscle.”
can I drive us tonight? please? my car stopped smelling like u and it sucks so much :(
And then he holds on to my face, his fingers feather soft while he inspects me like I really matter to him.
“Can you say it? Please?” Can I say it? Yes. I so very easily can. “He touched you. Nobody touches you.”
Felix kisses me like he’s asking for permission, and I allow it. I don’t fight him off at all.
“I can’t believe you’re into me.” Fuck. He really means that. I blink, pausing and really considering my next move, and then I’m pushing off from the wall and crowding him. I can’t reach him fast enough. “The only reason I haven’t fucked you yet is because you’re my sponsor.”
“Shit. I wish you would’ve kissed me back,” he says, meeting my gaze. His tone melancholy. “That was our one moment to be stupid, and you didn’t take it, you fucking saint. Now I’ll never know what it feels like to really kiss you. And that kills me.”
“We’d be so good together. I just know we would.”
“Everything is stacked against us,” I say. “We’d be a tragedy, Felix. This wouldn’t work.” His smile is confusing. “You don’t agree?” I ask, and how fucked up is it that I actually hope he doesn’t. “No. I agree.” He steps closer and presses one (last) kiss to my mouth. “I just know that wouldn’t stop me.”
What if he’s the one? What if we’re supposed to meet this way so we can tell our children (Charlie and Cassie) about it and they can say something like “Tell us the story again, Daddy. It’s so unique! We love it!”
“It is! I meant a hypothetical god. You know I’m not religious.” “So, you didn’t kiss Jake.” “Oh. No, I totally did.”
“Why do I always get a headache when we’re together?” “I don’t know. It’s probably unrelated.”
I absolutely do not introduce Jake like he’s my boyfriend. “Dean. Dean! This is Jake.” I grab on to his hand and immediately release it. “Um. This is my Jake. I mean, my, it’s… he’s the guy I’m sponsoring.” I slap his back a little too hard, and Jake lurches forward. “Sorry. This is my friend Jake. His name’s Jake. You knew that. This is him. Here he is.”
Saving my selfies to a separate album. Sending me old school heart emojis. You know, basically just wrecking me.
“Oh my god. Okay. I’ve read about this phenomenon and I always thought it was bullshit and completely made up, but maybe it isn’t. Maybe two people can dream the same thing. Holy shit. Holy shit.” I step closer to Jake. “How old are they in your dreams? Because they’re like, four and six in mine. Are they both blonde? Same surrogate, right? Does Charlie have the sweetest little lisp we keep getting told to correct with speech therapy, but we ignore our doctor because we both love it so much?” I grip his shoulders. “This is incredible! Tell me everything you’ve seen!” Jake stares at me in
...more
“Aw. Do you like me? I like you too.” Bella bats her paws at his face, and Jake smiles like he adores her. And if anyone ever asks me, I’ve never been jealous of an animal. Not once. “I wish you’d look at me like that,” I mumble.
Jake crosses the room and turns the corner, and I catch a glimpse of Bella’s tail as it curls around his back, like she’s actually holding on to him too. Bitch.
“Just put her down if you’re sick of her!” because over my dead body is Bella staying curled up on his lap while we watch a movie. That’s my spot. Or, at least, I feel the option should be available.
I glare at Bella when she lifts her head from Jake’s thigh, watching me like I’m interrupting their precious time together (she wishes),
The warmth of his arm against mine is so right. I never want to move.
Oh. They’ve added some new stuff on here. Lots of choices. See anything you like?” “Yeah.” “Which one?” I turn my head when he doesn’t answer and holy fuck, he’s looking right at me and smirking while he chews. Jake is flirting. No way. No way! He means me, doesn’t he?
And I just want to tell him to either put his entire hand on me or stop, but I also never want to speak again and just let this continue happening forever.
Jake stretches his arms above him, and I’d be furious about the missing contact, except now his shirt is rising up and up, and I get a glimpse of his hard stomach, and his abs have abs, and I’m not mad about this at all.
yes, Felix, he does want to sleep over! Jake just needs some encouragement. A little push to make this decision. And I am just the man for the job. (Blow or otherwise. Haha.)
Plus, I can make us breakfast in the morning. I think I’m good at that.” The corner of his mouth lifts. “I like breakfast.” Fuck yes, he does. FUCK YES HE DOES.
I flip the quilt back and smell the sheets, making sure they’re okay since no one ever sleeps in here and I keep it ready just in case I miraculously wake up to a family or something,
“Do you need anything? PJs? An extra blanket?” Your dick sucked? Felix!
wanna stay up all night? I’m pretty tired oh ok cool me too
“I always make way too much food,” he says, “I mean, I do eat a lot. And leftovers are nice. But if I ever get a family again someday, I’ll be ready, so maybe it’s not a bad thing that I do this.”
I watch him stick out his bottom lip, and sigh. Shit. That’s cute.
“We banging today or what?” I flip him off and he cracks up, head tipping back. “Ah god. I didn’t think I could say that with a straight face.” He looks annoyingly proud of himself. “I should say ‘yeah, Felix, we are,’ just to see what you’d do.” “Uh. No, you shouldn’t. We’d get started right now if you said that.” He snaps into a piece of bacon. “You know we can’t.” “Yeah, but we would.”
I finally ask him, “Are you okay?” after we pull apart. He nods and wipes at his face. “Sorry I cried on you.” “I don’t care about that.” “You give good hugs, Jake. Fuck. Of course, you do.” Felix groans against his hands. “Kind of wish I hated every second of that.”
“Next time I’ll try and fuck it up. Maybe I’ll end it too soon or something.” “There’s going to be a next time?” We stare at each other. “Yeah,” we say together, and then we’re both laughing and climbing inside the car.
“Shit. We’re screwed,” he says, starting it up. “You know we’re screwed, right?” “I don’t know. We survived a hug without tearing each other’s clothes off.” He looks at me skeptically. “Just because we’re at a cemetery and I just got done talking to my dead mom. Change the location and I would’ve been bent over the hood.”
Change the subject,” he says, backing out of the parking spot. “I don’t know—uh. Have you ever done mushrooms?” “Drugs? Really? That’s what you change the subject to? We’re addicts, you idiot!”
It’s hard thinking of something right now that doesn’t involve you taking my dick.” He turns out onto the main road, and I watch his hands flex around the wheel. “God, I want to do that so bad.”
“I thought about you when I jerked off this morning.” I close my eyes. Oops. “What is wrong with you?” Felix asks. “Sorry.” “You suck at this. I’m really glad you told me that, but you suck at this, Jake.”
“I have an irrational fear of being in a car with corn on both sides of the road.” I blink at his profile. “You what.” “I know. I know it’s weird. I can’t explain it. But I will freak out if there’s corn on both sides of me when I’m driving. That’s some horror movie shit I don’t need in my life.”
“Okay. What else are you afraid of?” Thank God Felix took over getting us onto another topic. This is a good distraction for us. “Balloons rubbing together,” he says seriously. “Balloons. Really.” “That sound—the squeaky sound balloons make when they rub. It scares the fuck out of me.” He actually shivers. “Fuck that sound.”
The bowling ball return machine.” “Explain that one.” “It could reverse somehow and suck my hand into the tube.” He looks at me like I’m insane for not already thinking of that unlikely possibility.
I wanted to give you your first tattoo. I’ve already picked the placement and everything.” “Notice how I never agreed to that?” My brow furrows, and I look over at him. “Wait. You picked the placement? Where?” “Um.” He scrapes his teeth across his bottom lip. “Maybe we should change the subject again.” Oh, fuck that. He brought it up. I sit forward a little. “Where, Felix?” “It’s not important.” “Where.” “Your dick.” I blink, mouth falling open. “Excuse me? What the fuck. Are you crazy?” “People get tattooed there. I personally haven’t, but it’s a thing.” “And what exactly would you be
...more
“You can ride me all you want, but you’re never tattooing me. At least, not there.” Felix audibly swallows while staring at my mouth, and tells me in his surest voice, “That works for me.”
“You suck at subject changes just as much as I do.” “Um. Not true. You’d probably talk about the last time you were tripping balls or ask me what my thoughts are on rimming.” My eyes flash open. “Don’t answer that.” “And then I’d say, well, Jake, funny you should ask—”
“I want to kiss you again.” Might as well own how bad I am at this now, because why the fuck not. “That’s what I’m thinking about. Your lips are right there.” “Wow. I actually thought maybe you’d get us out of this.” “I don’t even care anymore.” “Me either.” Felix laughs.
“And I want to kiss you again too, so don’t think it’s one-sided.” “I didn’t.” “This is fun. I’m usually not this happy on Sundays. I think I love sleepovers.”
“Wait,” I tell him, rushing to my car and popping the trunk. I retrieve an old baseball bat I kept at the barracks for nostalgia, and then I jog to his side. “Stay behind me.” “Wow. Okay.” “What.” We inch up the porch steps. “Nothing. Just—I’m picturing you in baseball pants and that is really doing something for me.”
“Looks like your murderer was hungry,” I say. “My leftovers,” Felix whines, resting his chin on my shoulder. “And they left the fridge open? That’s fucking rude.”
We hear something—a deep, pulsing snort—and turn our heads toward the stairs. “I don’t think they left,” I say. Felix presses against my back and grabs fistfuls of my shirt as we slowly start the climb. “Do you think it’s a bear?” he whispers, voice trembling. “No.” “Are you sure? It could be a bear.” “I don’t think a bear would leave food to check out your bedroom.” “Unless he’s tired.” I feel myself fighting a smile. “You’re really cute when you’re scared.”
“That’s my old room,” Felix shares, peering over my shoulder. “Nice.” “Yeah. I was really into animals. Never bears though.” “Felix, I promise—it’s not a bear.”
