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“Whatever. Get a dog.” Felix holds in his chuckle. “Okay, Jake. I’ll get us a dog.” Us. I want there to always be an us. I’m fighting for it, as much as I’m fighting for myself.
“Felix is my best friend,” I grunt. “Not yours, CJ. So don’t even fucking think about moving into my spot while I’m gone or I’ll beat your ass.”
My phone vibrates from my pocket, and I tug it out, opening up the text Felix just sent. u will always be my best friend <3 I look over at his profile and smile just as the phone vibrates in my hand again. Then I turn away and read his next text. god i’m gonna miss that dick :)
MAKE A FUCKING WISH JAKE! jesus okay I wish it was 4 years from now and we weren’t saying goodbye today
“It’s not goodbye though,” he says, keeping his voice quiet so we can at least pretend it’s just the two of us in this conversation. “We’re never saying goodbye. This is just… this is I’ll see you soon. Because you will. You’ll see me on the first visit day and every one after that. And then every chance I get to see you, I will. I’ll drive to you, and hey, I can do that since my boyfriend is letting me borrow his car until he comes back. I’ll visit whenever you want me to, Jake.”
Are you really going to drive six hours one way just to spend a day with me?” “I’d drive six hours one way just to spend an hour with you.”
“You’ve been worried about this, huh,” he says. “Among other things, yeah. I’m really fucking anxious right now.” “I know. But we’ll be okay, remember?”
The door shuts just as my phone vibrates in my pocket, and with rigid fingers, I pull it out and stare at the screen, and I really don’t believe in fate or any heavy romantic shit like that, so please explain to me how Felix knows I need him right now?
“Tell me you love me,” he says. “I love you.”
“I can’t lose this. I can’t lose you, and I’m fucking scared.” I drag all the way out of his mouth and then slowly push back in. “I’m really scared, Felix.”
“You’re fucking beautiful.” He pulls off and laughs. “I’m beautiful on my knees, huh.” “Shut up.” I grab hold of my shaft and paint his lips with spit. “You’re beautiful all the time. And I’ve never thought that about a guy. But you are, Felix. Jesus, I want you.”
God, Felix. He looks up at me like I’m giving him something, and like he’d do anything to keep getting it.
“I love you so much,” I pant. “I can’t lose you.”
“I’ll always try, Jake.” “You will, won’t you.”
“I’m also really good at sucking dick, right?” he asks, like he doesn’t already know. I roll my eyes. “Yes, Felix. You’re the best at it.” “Aw. You’re so sweet, Jake. Tell everyone you know, okay?”
“Rainbow sprinkles only, right?” “Obviously. Have some fucking taste.”
“I’m proud of you for doing this,” he says while we embrace, tightening his hold around my back. “You’re my favorite person in the world. Nothing’s going to change that, okay?”
“Where are you going to be in four years, Jake?” “Sober. With you.” He nods before leaning away just enough to kiss me. Our busted lips press together, and nothing has ever felt so right.
“Keep going to meetings. And talk to Dean and my brother if you’re feeling like… just please stay alive. Okay?” My voice breaks. “You have to, Felix. Please.” “I will.” He sniffles and catches a few of my tears. “Four years, Jake.” “Four years.” “I’ll see you later, right?” I kiss him once more, savoring him and this. Then I pull back and tell him, “I’ll see you later.”
“I need you to look out for Felix for me, okay? He doesn’t—” “I got him, Jake.”
I Basically Ate A Donut With This Boy And Fell In Love, A Memoir
You’re the family I always wanted, Jake. And even though we never get married or get the dog or have the kids, you’ve given me so much. And I know I died happy because of you.
“Everything you’d be losing. Like getting married?” “Sure.” He clears his throat and drops his hands too quickly as he looks anywhere but my face. “If that’s something you want to do… I’d be okay with whatever. We don’t have to let everyone know I’m yours or wear matching rings to signify our love and commitment. I’ll get over wanting something official like that and becoming a real family. It’s not a big deal. Just my greatest dream.” I smirk. “Your greatest dream, huh.” “I can have other dreams. It’s fine.” “So I shouldn’t ask you to marry me then?” His head jerks and we lock eyes. “Yes, you
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“You love me how I’ve always wanted to be loved. You make up for all those years, Jake.” He kisses me. “And I’d still say yes. Just saying.” “I’m not proposing to you in a cemetery.” “Technically, we’re in the parking lot surrounding the cemetery.”
