The Tragedy of Felix and Jake

by J. Daniels

I know he’s your sponsor but if you need to call someone I want it to be me

we can’t do this Felix and I fucking want you It’s not getting any easier

give me a compliment what? I’ve spent hours cleaning up shit jake please tell me something nice ur so fucking hot especially in those sweatpants

But I’m sober and it matters more than anything because he matters more than anything.

He grunts when I yank him against my chest and wrap my arms around his shoulders and squeeze and say, “It’s you. Thank fuck.”

I grab his face and lower my head and press my mouth against his so fucking softly when I really want to slam him up against the wall. I’m tender and timid because I think I need to be—this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done—and my tongue barely licks inside his mouth when Felix slants his head and parts his lips and kisses me like he’s teaching a fucking lesson on it.

We sit on the edge, our knees touching and our hands in his lap. Felix stares at them like he’s never held a guy’s hand before, and I get it. Even if he has, I haven’t, and I wish I could sit here and look at this part of us for as long as I want because it’s fascinating to me too.

Shoulders, arms, thighs, lower legs, feet. I press up against Felix in every way I can while still sitting next to him. He told me he likes contact. And now, so do I.

And the only comment he has after hearing my recap is, “Oh shit. I love pie.”

“Oh, fuck the rules. Jesus. You gotta know I don’t give a shit about rules at this point, Felix. I just had my tongue inside your mouth again. And if holding your hand like you’re my boyfriend wasn’t a hint; I’ll spell it out for you—I want you to be my boyfriend.”

Even if it meant swallowing every fucking pill in that house—I’d do it so you couldn’t.” I lean in until our noses almost touch. “And that’s why it needs to be you.”

Oh, and also, fuck you. You’re not that much bigger than me. I’m skinny but I’m fucking cut.”

“Um. Jake?” “Yeah.” “Remember when we were holding hands? Remember that?” I smile at him. “Can we go back to doing that and talk about how you want me to be your boyfriend? Like, could you say it again? I was so focused on the sponsor stuff I didn’t really get to enjoy hearing you say that.”

I brush my fingers against his. “I’m sick of rules, Felix. It sucks trying to stay sober when you can’t even fuck who you want to fuck.” “More romance please. I’m not an object.” I burst out laughing. “I’m getting to the romance, baby.” His cheeks burn instantly. “Was it the baby?” I tease, running my nose along his. “Do you like that?” “Yeah. It was hot.” “So be my boyfriend, and I’ll call you that all the time.” “Ungh.” Felix drops his head against my shoulder. “That was so fucking smooth.” I cup the back of his neck, turn my head, and press my mouth against his ear, whispering, “So, will you?” His hands grip my waist. “Fuck the rules.”

Is For Boyfriend (And Butt-Fucking) (Sorry. Please Keep Reading) FELIX

“What are you doing?” he asks. “Trying not to blush again. My face just returned to normal.” “So? I love it when you do that.” “Oh. Okay. Hold on one se—yep. There you go.”

So, Ruxton has a bunch of hot cops. Like, fuck me now hot. I’ve just never had the pleasure of being arrested by one. Seems fair.

Slightly less muscular cop pushes to his feet. “Hold up.” I take a step back. “Are you getting ready to frisk me?” He arches a brow. “Should I?” “Can you?” “What?” Flirting isn’t going to work here. Got it.

“You can’t believe anything my dad says,” I continue. “I know the drugs were in my house, but they weren’t mine. I’ve been arrested twice for possession. Look me up if you want. Felix Fields. I can show you my ID. I’ll cooperate. I just—could you maybe not ask me any more questions? Not that I have anything to hide. I’m just anxious around cops. Not that I have reason to be.” The fork rattles against the plate when I accidentally drop it. “I’m not nervous because I’m guilty. I swear.”

“He just started running his mouth like that when I asked if he took any of the drugs. A simple no would’ve been all I needed to hear.” My eyes widen. “Oh! Then no. No, I didn’t take anything. And that stuff earlier I said about starting over with my sobriety—completely unrelated to this. I slipped up by taking other drugs. Not the ones in my house.”

lower my voice so no one else can hear me when I ask, “So. How did the talk go?” “Why don’t you ask him,” Dean says at full fucking volume. My face catches fire. “God. Would you read the room please? I’m obviously whispering for a reason.”

And your boyfriend takes my advice as well as you do. You two are perfect for each other.” “Thank you. That’s what I’ve been saying.”

I want to make sure he knows how serious I am about being his number one person.

“I’ve never had a best friend before, or been someone else’s best friend, and I know I’ll never be Dean’s because he’s married and his wife holds that spot, but I could be yours one day, Jake, and I know this sounds silly and you probably don’t get why this is a big deal for me, but I’ve really never had that before, not even when I was little, and I want that so bad. I want to be that person for you.”

And I think I’d follow him anywhere.

His thumb caresses my cheek. “I was saying, you are out of your fucking mind if you think I’d ever want to just screw around with you. Not you, Felix.” I swallow hard and lick my lips. “So, I’m still your boyfriend?” “Yes.” “And your best friend. You want both.” “Yes.”

“And the walls really are thin? You weren’t just making up an excuse so you wouldn’t have to touch me?” His brows draw together. “Jesus Christ. No. Is that what… fuck it. Just come here.”

I hold his wrist and pull his fingers into my mouth, licking and sucking them. “Fuck yeah.” He moves his fingers in and out, smearing spit across my lips. “Is this how you’re going to blow me? Nice and slow, like this?” “Uh huh. Fucking tease you until you make me stop.”

“I just want you. I feel so empty, Jake.”

“Not best friends close. Not like me and you.” I am so fucking happy right now, I could die.

“Ease off. Or I’m not kissing you.” “What, like, never again?” His face is completely blank when he shrugs. “You better fucking kiss me, you dumbass bitch. You’re one of the only good things I have left!” A laugh bursts out of his mouth. “Dumbass bitch? What the fuck.” “I stand by what I said.” “Fine.” “Fine.”

“Well? Pucker up, motherfucker.” “No. I don’t even want to now.” I turn my face and smile when his mouth lands on my cheek. “God. I let you jerk me off once, and you’re like, completely obsessed with me.” “Pretty much.” He grabs my chin and forces my head to turn, and I totally kiss him with everything I have.

Do you really believe in me that much?” “Of course, I do.” The softest look passes over his face.

And Jake… he bought me a phone and more. He got me my clothes and took care of Bella. He took care of me. Fuck. I’m going to cry all over him. I know I am.

“I need to go back to sleep. I just wanted you to know I’m good. Just, like, super moody and emotional. You know how it is. And I think Jake’s about to dump me.” “Jesus Christ,” my soon-to-be-ex mumbles. I crane my neck to look at him. “Do you want to keep Bella after we separate? I think she’d be happier with you.” “You need to stay the fuck away from coke.”

turn my head and find Felix actually passed out with the donuts still tucked against his chest.

And there’s still frosting on his lip, because of course there is.

Hector inches back and finally wrestles his gaze off the sandwich in my hand, brow arching when we lock eyes. “We’ve broken bread over sex talk, or have you forgotten everything we discussed.”

I try to be quiet when I get ready for work since I’m typically the only one awake that early, but I tripped over my work boots and headbutted the dresser

He’s like coming home to a golden retriever.

“How do you feel?” I ask. “Horny.” I smirk. “Be straight with me.” “No can do, bro. The only straight I am is straight up gay.” He points finger guns and winks, and we’re both laughing now.

Felix reshapes the cap around his face, pushing it farther off his forehead. “Riley said it’ll make my hair voluptuous.” “Voluminous,” she corrects, entering the room from the hallway.

Felix smiles like this is such an important thing to him, and I don’t understand that, but what the fuck do I care if he paints my nails. I think I’d let him do anything he wanted to me.

I round the couch and head down the hallway before Felix can tease me about my dick getting hard, because it is and he will.

I lick up his neck to his jaw. “I love when you act like this.” “Like what.” “Like you know how hot you are.”

“No one’s ever looked at me the way you do. It’s not like I’m used to it.”

“I think I’m average looking most of the time, but then you look at me the way you do or suck on my neck like that, and I feel like I could easily top you when I’ve never been that guy. I’m not the fucking hero with the cool name. And I love hearing you say how much you like it when I am that way with you, but I can’t be that guy all the time, Jake. My stupid brain won’t let me.” “Good. I don’t always want you to be that guy.”

“Fuck you. No, I’m not.” “Don’t get mad at me. I’m just trying to explain that I’m nothing special.” “And you’ll never convince me of that, so shut the fuck up.” “You shut the fuck up. It’s just how I feel, okay?” “No! It’s not okay. That’s not okay, Felix. I know this is something you have to work through and it might always be, but I don’t think you’re nothing special or just another dick that gets me hard. I’ve never thought that about you. And I’d be a shitty boyfriend if I did. In fact, I will beat the fuck out of you if you ever let someone treat you like that.” He blinks, letting his mouth fall open. “That was actually really romantic, Jake. In like, a fucked-up way. But still. My heart totally liked that.” “I wouldn’t really hit you. Jesus. I hope that’s not something that gets you off.” “No, it doesn’t. Does it?” He takes a second to think. “No. It was just the threat of it, I guess.”

“Now tell me you understand that I can’t help the way I feel about myself and that you know I’m trying, I’m trying so hard, Jake, but I can’t see myself how you see me, and I might not ever will, and you need to be okay with that.”

“See, I could never stand like that and pull it off like you’re doing. You could fucking model, Jake.” “And you could make me want to suck dick even if I was straight.” He blushes so fast. “Wow. Best compliment ever.”