A Risk on Forever

by N.S. Perkins

It wasn’t like my little brother would understand what losing my job meant for him, but if I couldn’t pay the rent at the end of the month, he’d know something was up. Maybe by some miracle, I’d come home later today and my father would be out of bed, ready to start looking for work all of a sudden? Yeah, right.

I huffed at my phone before continuing to scroll, and that’s when a title caught my eye. I stopped dead in my tracks as I read the ad again. Looking for full-time caregiver. Must have experience working with people with major mobility limitations. For more info, call 207-424-3793. It’d been posted two days ago. This was it. A true miracle this time. Pressing my phone to my chest, I looked up and gave a small dip of the head to the gray sky. My mom was watching over me today. Just as I was getting ready to call the number listed, I saw a piece of text I had missed before. Interviews for the position will be held for anyone interested on Monday, March 25th, from 8 to 9:30 a.m.

My right knee kept bouncing, reminding me with each movement of the hole that might be the reason for my demise.

Scurrying out the door as soon as the bus came to a halt, I ran all the way to the address on the ad, my phone’s GPS guiding me to it.

“Are you here for the job interview?” The deep tone of his voice startled me from my gawking. Heat crept up my neck as I forced a smile. “Y-Yes. I am.” It seemed as if he hadn’t taken a good look at me before, but after the words left my mouth, his eyes trailed my body from head to toe. I licked my lower lip. When his eyes made their way back to my face, he did not return my smile. His lips were even pinched. Still, he took a step back and held the door open wider for me to come in.

“Before you tell us about yourself, I’d like to tell you a bit about me,” Helen said. Her voice was velvet soft, though her words were slurred. “I was diagnosed with ALS two and a half years ago. Do you know what this disease is?” I nodded. “Good. So, as of now, I have lost the utility of my legs and my arms, as well as some muscles on the left side of my neck and head. I still have some control over my right hand, which allows me to move around the house with this chair.” Beside her right hand was a small joystick.

This time the smile that took over my lips was genuine. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was perfectly qualified for a job. I’d done this for years with my mother. I could certainly do it for someone else, especially if it meant I’d be able to pay rent next week.

“Please excuse me for a minute, I really have to take this.” He got up and left the living room. “He’s a pilot,” Helen whispered. “He has to take his calls when they’re from his airline company.” “Oh, I get it. No worries.”

“I didn’t know my teenage music tastes were still relevant.” I hesitated before realizing she was looking at my ABBA t-shirt. Pulling on the hem, I said, “Oh, um, this was my mother’s.” A side of my lips quirked up. “She used to say ‘Dancing Queen’ had been written for her.” Helen chuckled, then gave me a pained smile, like she knew what the past tense I’d used meant. “I think I would’ve liked your mother.”

Focusing my attention on the floor, I noticed one of her shoes was on the verge of falling off her foot. Without thinking about it, I got up and leaned over so I could put the shoe back in place. I made eye contact with her to make sure she didn’t mind before doing it. When I was done, I returned to my chair. She eyed me, and I think her grin got even bigger. “Thank you, that was nice of you.”

“Well, Adelaide, thank you for coming. We’ll call you if we’re interested in your services.” My eyes bulged. “Oh, but I didn’t get the chance to tell you about my credentials. If you need me to hurry, I can rapidly go over my experience.” “I don’t think that will be necessary, but thank you for your time.”

I was frozen for a moment. Had I done something wrong? Yes, disapproval had been etched all over his face ever since I’d gotten here, but did he think it was so improbable for me to be qualified that he didn’t even give me the chance to talk about my experience?

I gave Helen one last smile before getting up.

As I walked toward the front door, I couldn’t help my shoulders from slumping. This had been too good to be true. A job that I would’ve been good at, that I would’ve liked? Come on, Addy.

What do you think you’re doing?” I stopped walking and frowned after turning around. My mom was giving me a death glare. “Going to get a cup of coffee,” I answered, my pitch rising as if I was asking.

But, God, the second I’d told her she could leave, I felt a pinch to the heart. She was beautiful. The kind of gorgeous woman that could make your jaw drop while dressed in a stained shirt and an old pair of leggings.

When I’d opened the door, words had escaped me. Her skin had looked so soft, I’d had the weird urge to touch it. It was speckled with freckles, over her nose, her cheeks, and even over her chin. Her lips were plump, the bottom one slightly bigger than the other, and when she licked it in nervousness, I felt it straight to my groin. Catching her large hazel eyes roaming over me definitely was good for my ego. Her cheeks were flushed when our eyes met. Maybe she’d felt the same attraction I had?

“I want you to call her back. Give her the job.”

Had she lost her mind? “I most certainly will not. We’ve seen plenty of perfect candidates for the position. Candidates with experience.”

“How would you know about her experience? You didn’t even give her the time to share it with us!”

“I didn’t need her to. I knew she wasn’t as capable of caring for you as Diane or Monique.”

“Oh, that’s a nasty comment to make, Matthias. I didn’t raise you to judge people by their appearance. At least I thought I didn’t.”

“Well, I won’t either. And I’ve decided it’s her I want.” I spun on my heels, glaring at her. “And why is that?”

“Because she’s the only person we saw today who spoke to me like a fellow adult. Who treated me like a whole person, and not just some patient they should pity.” Her eyebrows rose, the right one higher than the left. “Diane and Monique, who you seem to be so fond of, all but screamed in my ears and spoke syllable by syllable, as if I were a child. So, yes, Adelaide is exactly the person I want to take care of me.”

“I know you’re worried about me after what happened, but you’re not the one who’ll be spending your days with this person. I am. So, frankly, I don’t care what you want. It’s my decision, and I choose her.”

“Hey, do you think you could go play with Lou when you have the chance tonight? He really wants to show you his new car.” “Yes, of course, I will,”

Music was a constant when I was here; it put some life in the otherwise drab apartment. I pressed the shuffle button on my music application, and the first notes of Ben E. King’s “Stand by Me” came out of the speaker.

I didn’t know why my heart toppled over. I shouldn’t have expected otherwise. I let the song play and headed toward the kitchen. After turning the oven on, I took out a green bell pepper from the fridge. Right as I started to cut it, my phone vibrated in my back pocket. I took it out with one hand before placing it between my shoulder and my ear. “Hello?” I said as I resumed my cutting. A male voice spoke next, cold and deep. “Can you start tomorrow?”

My Dear, I still remember the moment I met you as clear as day. I knew right as I laid my eyes on you that you would change my life for the better. And my instinct has never been wrong. How much you would change my life, though, remained a surprise. And with time, I came to understand that the way you would affect me wouldn’t be on the surface, but in the deepest, most unknown part of myself. The way my life turned out was directly affected by your presence in it, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. With you, every little moment was sweeter, every sunny day, brighter. Even now, as death separates us, the love we had during the time we shared still lives on. Love, Helen

“I can’t find Marie Antoinette! And I need her today! Timothy will be mad at me if I don’t bring her to school!”

When I made it to the Philips' house, heart pumping and armpits sweating, I looked at my watch while running up the cement front steps. 9:02 a.m. I lifted my fist to knock when the massive front door opened, beating me to it. “You're late,” came a deep voice above me, the disapproval clear in his words.

“I know, I’m so sorry.” I was two minutes late, but it might have been thirty from the glare he was giving me. “My little brother couldn’t find his toy car and he started crying and we missed our bus and—”

“You see, this is my mother we’re talking about. Not a doll, or a plant, or a dog. My mother.”

“I’m basically putting her life into your hands right now. And, while we’re being honest, you weren’t my first choice, nor my second. But, Helen wanted you, for whatever reason, so here you are.”

“But, let’s be clear here. I frankly don’t give a fuck about what’s going on in your personal life right now. Someone’s well-being is at stake here, and that’s the only thing I care about. Understood?”

My mouth fell open as I stumbled backward. Was this embarrassment or anger welling in my chest? My breathing quickened as shock from his tone settled. Who did he think he was, talking to me like that? I glanced back at the sidewalk, tempted for a second to turn around and leave right then and there. My ego pulled me—no, yanked me—in the direction of the street, but my internal voice wouldn’t shut up. You need this job, Addy. Keep your mouth shut and nod like he didn’t just crush you under his polished leather shoe.

“Hello, Addy. So good to see you again.” I grinned at her. “Good to see you too.”

While her good mood was palpable, the tension in his jaw was unmistakable.

My job here was with Helen. Not with him. From what Helen had said, he’d be gone most of the time while I was working, so I wouldn’t have to endure him too much. That thought was the highlight of my day.

“Are you okay?” Helen wheeled herself in my direction. “Let me see that.” “Oh no it’s fine, just a small cut. No need to bother you with this.” She gave me a stern look. “Addy, I was a doctor for more than thirty years. I think I can handle a cut.”

“I was an emergency room doctor when I retired, but I worked for ten years with Doctors Without Borders all around the world when I was younger.” “Oh, wow,” I said, eyes widening, “that must’ve been quite the experience.”

“Yeah, it definitely was.” She smiled. “It was also the best thing I ever did because that’s how I met my son.” I nodded. That explained the difference in their looks.

“Were you with someone when you decided to—” “Adopt? No, I wasn’t.”

“I was thirty-seven and felt my biological clock ticking with every new day I spent alone. And, one day, while I was stationed in Greece, this newly-orphaned baby boy was brought to my clinic, so thin and small.”

“I decided then that I didn’t need a man to help me raise a child...

Raising a child was anything but easy; I knew it all too well. As much as I loved Louis, I couldn’t say taking care of him mostly by myself was what I’d wanted for my life. So, to hear she’d made a choice similar to the one I’d had to make a few years ago, I felt an even stronger sense of connection with her. For the first time in a while, it felt like I was right where I should be.

She’s okay. Everything went fine. You would’ve received a call if something had happened.

Still, I worried like a mother hen, which was almost ironic, considering she’d been my mother hen for more than twenty-seven years.

I walked briskly to the living room, and my face dropped when I saw my mother sitting in her chair next to Adelaide on the couch, laughing loudly with a popcorn-filled bowl between the two of them. “So, what did his wife say?” Adelaide said in between bouts of giggling. “She—” Helen herself seemed to be having difficulty putting her thoughts into words from how hard she was snickering. “She told me that she had no idea how the cucumber had gotten that deep.”

“She was so red. She clearly knew how that cucumber had gotten there!”