A Risk on Forever

by N.S. Perkins

I cleared my throat. They turned in my direction, their laughter fading quickly, as if my presence alone had been enough to dampen the hilarity of the situation. It wasn’t that I didn’t like seeing my mom this happy—I did—but I didn’t think this was what I should expect from a relationship between a caregiver and her patient.

Wait a second. “Where’s Dora?”

When I turned back around to look at them, Adelaide was on her feet, making her way to turn down the sound of a high-pitched, upbeat song. Thank God.

“So, you’re telling me you’ve been alone with my mother all afternoon with less than three hours of training?”

“It’s okay, Matt, she truly was doing fine by herself. I wouldn’t have let Dora leave if I didn’t think I was in good hands.”

At the same time as Helen glared at me, Adelaide walked in my direction and came to a halt in front of me, crossing her arms over her chest. Her hazel eyes were slightly brighter today. It might have been the mascara on her dark, furnished lashes that made them appear so. Her white blouse snuggled her curves without being provocative, while her black leggings left little to the imagination. God, if this were in any other context…

“As I tried telling you before, this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I actually have way more than three hours of experience.”

“What the hell is this?” I asked before stomping in the direction of my mother. I lifted the hem of her pants to make sure I wasn’t mistaken, and when it was clear I wasn’t, I could practically feel my blood boiling.

“For someone who’s supposedly so experienced with caregiving that she doesn’t need training, you certainly didn’t have a problem putting your patient’s life at risk.” Adelaide was no longer smiling. “Matt, please, calm down,”

“Let me explain this to you, oh Masterful Professional. When a patient can’t move their legs, not putting compression socks on their feet puts them at risk of forming clots, which may lead to a pulmonary embolism, which may lead to death. Was that what you were aiming for? Killing your patient on your first day?” “Matthias, that’s enough,”

“I’m… I’m sorry, I really didn’t know. My—” “It’s okay, Addy dear, it was an honest mistake,” Helen said. “We’ll be more careful next time.” I interrupted my mother’s comforting words. “No, it’s not okay. This was her job, and she screwed it up.” Adelaide lifted her hands in front of her body. “If you could let me explain—” “Let me repeat this in case I wasn’t clear before: I don’t care about your excuses.”

She took a step back, her eyes widening. I knew I was being an asshole, but if that’s what it took to keep my mother safe, then so be it. “You know what? Just get out. We’ll be better off without your help.” “Matthias!”

“It’s okay, Helen. I’ll be on my way. I… I really wish you the best,” she said before taking a step forward and bending to give my mother a kiss on the cheek. When she straightened, she gave me...

“What in the world were you thinking, Matthias?” Helen’s voice was soft and cold, an indicator of the tempest that was coming my way. “Who gave you the right to speak to that poor girl like that?” She exhaled through her nose. “I can’t believe what just happened. The son I raised never would’ve acted this way.” I sighed before rubbing my palm down my face. “I’ll find someone else. Someone better.” “That’s not even the point. You were plain disrespectful to Addy for no reason.” She exhaled slowly. “I understand you don’t want history repeating itself, but this doesn’t give you the right to be a fool.”

“And, for the record, she truly was wonderful to me today. The care she gave was excellent, and I don’t remember spending a day this pleasant since I’ve started spending my time at home with caregivers.”

I replayed what had just happened in my head, and... Fuck, maybe she was right. I’d been a dick.

“I can’t do this.” She began moving her wheelchair away from me. “I love you, but I’m so ashamed of you right now, I can’t even look at your face.” Her words were like a punch to the gut. I wanted to follow her and apologize again, but that wasn’t how Helen worked. She didn’t want apologies; she wanted me to make up for my fuck-ups. And as I laid down on the beige leather couch and closed my eyes, one thing was clear: I had fucked up.

Dear, Through all the time we’ve spent together, one thing has been unmistakable in your behavior: the way you care for others. Not one day would pass by when you didn’t treat me like I deserved all the love and happiness in the world, and I don’t know if I’ve ever properly thanked you for it. So, here it is: thank you for how wonderful you’ve been to me. I won’t lie; I’ve been through a lot of hardships in my life, the biggest one being the one I’m battling as I’m writing. But, having you by my side through these tough moments has allowed me to keep being—to keep feeling—thankful every single day. And, for that, I’ll never thank you enough. Your presence, your help, and your attention have been my lifeline in this storm. Love, Helen

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that we might have to eat a lot more of this for the next few weeks if we wanted to stay afloat. Rent was due in a week, and I was out of a job. Again.

“Yes, again, but if you finish your plate, I’ll let you eat a cookie afterward, okay?”

“Good evening, we're not...” My jaw suddenly went slack. What the heck? “Hi,” Matthias said, his voice deep and smooth.

What in the world was he doing here? “How did you find out where I live?” I asked.

“Your address was on the resume you sent me after your interview.” Huh, so he’d actually read that.

“I’m Matthias. I, uh, work with your…mother?” “Sister,” I corrected, although my focus was on the rest of his answer. Hadn’t he just fired me? “Nice to meet you, Matthias. Would you like to come inside and play with Benjamin Franklin?”

“I’m sorry, what?” “Lou, Matthias cannot play with you right now. Actually, he was just leaving. Go finish your dinner, and I’ll play with you later, ’kay?” He pouted. “But I want to play now.”

“Louis, I said go eat, or else I’ll take your cars for the night.” His lower lip wobbled. Oh, for goodness’ sake. “But… But I—” Louis’ voice broke as tears fell down his cheek. I kneeled in front of him. “Oh Lou, I’m sorry. Just please go inside and we’ll play right after dinner, okay?”

“As you can see, I’m busy, so care to tell me what you’re here for?”

“I want to...um…apologize.” He shifted on his feet. “The way I spoke earlier was not appropriate, and I want to make things right.”

“You’re right, it wasn’t appropriate.” He scratched his beard. “Like I said, I, uh—” “I appreciate it, I guess,” I interrupted, turning around. “Have a good drive back home.” “Wait,” he blurted out.

“Is there any way we could go talk somewhere else? Take a walk, perhaps?” “No, we’re fine right here.” He eyed the stained carpet of the hallway and the cracked paint on the walls, but he didn’t say anything about it. “All right, well, I wanted to ask you if you’d consider coming back to work for us. Starting tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry, is this a joke?” A crease formed between his brows. “You just fired me,”

“I thought I just apologized for that.” “Well, sorry if I don’t forget so easily.” He huffed, which only made me more pissed.

“Why would you want such a careless, stupid person to come work for you anyway?” “I never said you were stupid.”

“And I’m doing this for Helen,” he said. “She wants you, and so I want you too.” “Sorry, not interested.”

“Please. If not for me, then at least for

“Fine. I’ll come back, but don’t you dare think it’s for you. Helen deserves someone who will take good care of her, and that’s the only reason why I’m swallowing my pride.” I took a step forward and pointed my right index finger at his chest. “And, if you ever talk to me that way again, I won’t give you another chance, and you’ll be the one responsible for making Helen lose a good caregiver. Is that clear?”

“I won’t lie, I’m still not sure she’s the best choice.” She groaned. “For God’s sake, Matthias, not this again.” I put the phone on speaker when I entered the room and put it on top of the lockers so I could remove my sweat-drenched shirt. “You know I’m only this wary because I love you.” “Yes, I know,” she replied, her tone a tad softer, “but there is no need to be wary of Addy. She’s amazing, I promise you.”

“If she makes you happy, then I’m happy.” “Great. So that means you’ll try to keep me happy, right?” My brows furrowed as I put on my clean shirt. “Of course.” “Then I have one more thing to ask you,” she said, her voice smug. “It’s great that you apologized and got her to come back, but that’s not all. You need to make an effort with her too.”

“I want you to be nice to her. Give her a chance, not just as an aide but as a person too.”

“Besides, I’ve lost all my French.” She huffed. “Arrête, je sais très bien que ce n’est pas vrai.” Stop, I know that’s not true.

“Well, anyway, as long as Louis needs me here, I’m not going anywhere. Guess you’ll just have to find a way to survive without me by your side until then.” Stella guffawed. “Oh, don’t worry, I can survive very easily without your awful life advice and poor boyfriend picks.”

“I gave her a bath when she woke up. I was actually drying her hair when you knocked. Would you like to finish doing it? I have to go.” “Sure,” I answered. “Have a nice day.”

“Addy! I’m so glad to see you here. I was afraid after Matthias’ little stunt yesterday, you wouldn’t want to see me again.” I got closer to her and squeezed both her shoulders with my hands over her chair. “I was afraid I wouldn’t see you again too,”

“I’d like to apologize about yesterday.” Her eyes avoided mine. “Matthias is just a bit...overbearing.” I sat on the counter facing her, crossing my arms. “He can be whatever he wants, but he doesn’t have to take all his problems out on me.”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s not your fault.”

“You were doing such a good job. I didn’t feel like pointing out a mistake on your first day.”

“Besides, if I would’ve thought I was in real danger, I would’ve said something. But I can’t recall ever losing a patient over the one time they didn’t put their compression socks on, so don’t worry about it, all right?”

“Okay, well thank you for being so considerate of my feelings, but if I ever do something wrong again, I want you to swear to tell me.” “I swear,”

I didn’t have to worry about whether my dad had eventually gotten out of bed for the day, or if Louis had done his homework after school.

“Actually, that’s what I was calling about. Would you mind if Louis stayed at your place for a bit longer? I have to stay at work for an extra hour, but I’ll still be back before bedtime to pick him up.”