A Risk on Forever
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Read between May 25 - May 25, 2023
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“So, Adelaide,” Matthias said after a few minutes. “What is it you do when you’re not here?” I lifted my head from my plate. “I’m sorry?” He wiped his mouth with his napkin. “What do you do in your free time? Pastimes, maybe?”
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don’t have a lot of free time.” “Right.” He cleared his throat, then focused back on his dinner. We continued eating in a now uncomfortable silence.
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We continued washing the dishes, a melancholic cello melody the only sound between the two of us. Sometimes, I caught him watching me before looking away, but he never spoke up. What? Did he think I was doing this incorrectly too?
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“I’m going to go read a bit in my room before bed. You two take the time to catch up!” She winked—actually winked—before wheeling herself away. Matthias looked her way before huffing. “I think my mom is trying to set us up.”
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“She must think I have a thing for rude men then,” I said without thinking, only half-joking. I expected him to cuss me out, but he surprised me for the second time in the span of a few minutes by giving me a faint smile instead. “I really was a dick, wasn’t I?” A corner of my lips twitched up. “A huge one. Enormous.” He stifled a laugh with a not-so-casual cough and a heat flooded my cheeks. Crap. “That sounded really nasty, didn’t it?”
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“Enormously,” he confirmed, voice thick with humor.
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“I really am sorry about the way I acted. I’m not usually that blunt or disrespectful, if you can believe it. I’m just… I’m really protective of my mother.” I turned to face him, an eyebrow raised. “You don’t say!”
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“Okay, I deserved that, but try putting yourself in my shoes for just one second. I had to basically put my mother’s health and life in the hands of someone who I knew nothing about and whose experience I knew nothing about.”
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“Well, if you’d taken the time to listen to me on the multiple times I tried to talk to you, you would’ve known I took care of my mom when she was sick for many years, and am one hundred percent comfortable caring for a physically disabled person.”
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“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know.” “Obviously.” His head lowered, eyes roaming over the floor before he looked up again. “Can I ask what happened to her?”
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Curiosity. Fear. Pain. Understanding. The last one was what pushed me to answer him. “Heart failure.” I swallowed. “At first, it wasn’t that bad, she just had to take things a bit slower, but in her last years, she almost couldn’t get out of bed.”
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“I quit school to take care of her while my dad worked, and I stayed by her side until the day she died.”
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“So trust me, I do know what I’m doing with your mother.” I forced a smile, but he didn’t return it. “I’m truly sorry, Adelaide. For your mom, and for making you talk about it.”
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“I actually don’t dislike talking about her, but I don’t have a lot of occasions to do it. My father never mentions her, and my little brother—the one who asked you to come play with him—doesn’t remember her that much, so it feels good to share things about her.” I rubbed my hands down my pants. “I’m scared I’ll forget about her if I don’t.”
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“You know, you’re actually not so bad when you’re not being an ass!” He smirked, just a little. “Yeah, I’ll try to keep the enormous dick away in your presence.”
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I went wide-eyed, then sputtered with laughter. His own face lit up too. We finished the dishes and I thanked them both for dinner, staying only a few minutes longer. I laughed to myself as I walked out the door and thought about that stupid joke all the way home.
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Have I ever told you about my passion for romance novels? I’ve always considered myself a hopeless romantic. Reading about love blooming, especially between two people reluctant to it, has always been one of my favorite things in the world. I liked to read about people getting closer and connections being created. I loved to long for a first kiss and dread the eventual fights in the couple’s future. I might not have had a very extensive love life, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to see love blossom around me. All my life, everywhere I saw a spark, I watched in eagerness and waited for it to ...more
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After keeping my feelings about her death away from discussions with my family, I’d gotten used to pushing those feelings down, only inspecting them further when I was alone.
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I wasn’t sure what that meant. Two days ago, I was convinced the guy was a spoiled, unpleasant man with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, but there was no denying we were on the same wavelength last night. And, he’d made me laugh. A lot. I could try denying it as much as I wanted, but it had felt natural to converse and joke with him. Once I got inside and greeted Helen, we spent a very quiet morning talking and relaxing. Thoughts of his small grins and deep voice clouded my senses, though I did my best to push them away and focus on what mattered—Helen.
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Florence and The Machine’s “Never Let Me Go” played in the background as I painted Helen’s nails a deep purple.
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“What did you say to Matthias?” Her eyes widened slightly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
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“Come on, Helen. He did a full one-eighty with me yesterday.” I pursed my lips. “Well, maybe not completely, but at least a good hundred-degree rotation.” Helen bit her lip. “All right, I might’ve had a little talk with him.” I returned to painting her thumbnail, faking disinterest. “And what did you talk about?” “Well,” she said, taking her sweet time, “I may or may not have given him a little push to be nicer with you.”
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“When he’s not concerned for my safety, he’s the most amazing man… At least more like the one you saw yesterday.” I bit my inner cheek. He had been nice to me yesterday. “I think you might actually like him very much once you get to know him.” Her voice was much too confident for my taste.
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were just going shopping for a bit.” Matthias lifted one of his eyebrows. “Shopping for what?” “Um, things,” she answered, looking at her bent knees. Matthias’ eyes alternated between the two of us before he said, “Okay, well, I’ll come with you.”
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“This is a lingerie shop?” I fought hard to repress my grin. “You’re the one who insisted on coming with us.” He took in our surroundings, from the pastel-colored bras to the more daring panties, cheeks getting pink. “But…” “What, you’ve never seen female lingerie before?”
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“Well...” He swallowed. “It’s not like anyone is seeing her in her underwear.” “So what?” I stopped and crossed my arms. “Do you think a woman needs a partner to decide to buy sexy underwear?” He shook his head, skin turning crimson. “No, I—” “What if your mom just wants to feel sexy for herself? Isn’t that reason enough?” I knew he had gotten the point, but I was having way too much fun to let him off the hook. He closed his eyes and groaned. “Please don’t refer to my mom and the word sexy in the same sentence.” I feigned ignorance. “Why? Because you don’t want to imagine your mother as a ...more
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“I saw you and Matt having fun out there.” I rolled my eyes. If only she’d known what we’d been talking about. “Not this again, Helen.” “I didn’t say anything!” She chuckled at my accusatory stare. “Just stating facts.” “Sure,” I answered.
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“Everyone tells you about the wrinkles and bone pains, but no one tells you about the struggle of finding a bra that’s both sexy and comfortable when you get old.” I chuckled. “We’ll find the perfect one, you’ll see.” We did, after a few tries. Once Helen was dressed again, she said, “While we’re here, you might want to try something for yourself. You know, in case you find a special someone soon.” I
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I headed out of the dressing room and went to find Matthias. On the way, I stopped in front of the red lace set, the one Matthias had eyed longer than the others. I traced it with my fingers, then shook my head and continued walking.
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Do you know one of the most important things I have learned in all my years of life? It’s to listen to people’s advice. I know, I know, sometimes, they don’t apply to you, but from my experience, following the advice of the people surrounding me has always been a good decision. Now, I know what you might think. “Helen, you’re more stubborn than a mule. When have you ever listened to my advice?” Well, you’re right, I’ve often done what I wanted regardless of people’s suggestions, but I never said I was perfect! Luckily, you mostly are. During our time together, you’ve followed most of my ...more
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When I wandered back to the living room, I connected my phone to the speakers and put on my reading playlist, opening a book on the history of aviation sitting on the coffee table. I wasn’t a big nonfiction reader, but I needed something to take my mind away for a while.
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I was so lost in thought I didn’t hear Matthias arrive home. “What are you listening to?” I jumped, dropping the book on the couch. “Oh God, you scared the crap out of me.”
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“Huh.” I raised an eyebrow. “What does ‘huh’ mean?” “Just that I didn’t peg you for a classical music kind of woman.”
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“And why is that? Because you didn’t think I had the depth to like this kind of music? Am I not intellectual enough?”
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“Don’t take this the wrong way. I absolutely think you have the emotional intelligence to appreciate classical music. It actually suits you, I think.” He chuckled. “It’s just that the last time I came in here, you were listening to cheesy pop music.”
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“So you thought because I listen to Justin Bieber, I can’t like Chopin or Vivaldi?”
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“Well, you guessed wrong, boy. I’m a very versatile person.” “I can see that now.”
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“Hmm, Debussy. Nice choice. Although, I probably like the version without the cello best.” I rolled my eyes. “Quite the connoisseur, aren’t you?”
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“Let’s say I like to fill my life with beauty, and there’s nothing more beautiful than good music.” My jaw fell, right before I mirrored his smile. Maybe he hadn’t told me all about him, but it was a start. And I had to admit, something about his personality was growing on me. A breath of fresh air compared to the stuffiness at home. I… I liked it.
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I love that you love music as much as I do. Whenever I feel a particular kind of way, it’s like you can sense it and put on the perfect song, the one that can translate what I’m feeling inside into words or in melody. I don’t know how you do it, but you’ve proven repeatedly that you have this special power. Time and time again, you’ve selected the song I didn’t even know I needed. A fast pace with cymbals and carillons for the good days, when I felt like a young woman all over again. A wistful piano ballad on the occasions the pain overtook everything, where I couldn’t focus on anything other ...more
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I gave in and grabbed my phone, calling Adelaide before I could overthink it. “Yes, everything is going fine,” she said as she picked up on the second ring. Her voice sounded soft and amused.
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“Hello to you too. And, what makes you think I’m calling about that?” She chuckled. “I’m starting to know you, Matthias.” Huh. Was she?
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“I was actually just calling to tell you about my schedule for tomorrow.” “Uh-huh.” I could feel her smiling through the phone. I guessed my lying skills weren’t as good as I thought they were. “Where are you, exactly?” she asked, putting me out of my misery.
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“Paris.”
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“Wow, lucky you. I’ve always dreamed of visiting the City of Love.” “Hopeless romantic?” I asked, putting an arm under my head. “More like hopeless adventure-seeker.” “Then why haven’t you gone yet?”
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“You mean between the time I had to take care of my sick mother and the moment I became the support system for my whole family?” “Uh…” Damn, Matthias, wrong question. “Yeah, sorry, that was stupid of me.”
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“No, I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair to you. It’s not your fault.” She exhaled loudly. “I guess I’m just jealous of your…freedom, sometimes.”
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“Are you going to visit a bit before flying tomorrow morning?” she asked, changing the subject. “No, I’ll probably just sleep in.” She tsked through the phone. “What a waste.”
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“So, how did today go? Were there any problems?” I asked instead of telling her that. “Ha! I knew you were worried!” She laughed, the sound clear and light, and I couldn’t help myself, I chuckled with her. “All right, all right. I might have asked myself once or twice if everything was going okay with Helen.” “See, it didn’t hurt to ask.”
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“Yes, everything went wonderfully well, and you don’t need to be worried. Do I tell you how to fly a plane?” I grinned at her witty answer. “I’m actually good at what I do.” “I know, I know,” I said, nodding.