After We Collided (After, #2)

by Anna Todd

“You fucking bitch!” Tessa screams, holding Molly’s bright hair in her fists. She lifts Molly’s head off of the carpet before slamming it back down.

This has taken a turn.

Within seconds, her panties lie on the floor next to her and I’m reaching for my jeans to grab a condom. I need to remind her about getting on birth control—I can’t stand using a condom with her.

CONDOMS ARE STILL IMPORTANT FOR THE PREVENTION OF STDS

“Well, that’s on you, then. I don’t know what the hell else to do to make you see that I love you.” She kissed someone—she kissed another guy right in front of me. This feels worse than when she left me; at least I could blame myself then. Her warm breath is creating puffs of smoke in the cold air. “Well, maybe if I wasn’t so used to you keeping secrets, I wouldn’t have been so ready to misunderstand!” she yells.

Girl you do not have the moral high ground here

“I’m sorry for kissing him.” She sighs. “It isn’t that big of a deal.” “You’re joking, right? Please tell me that you are, because if that had been me kissing someone else, you probably wouldn’t have spoken to me again! But I forgot that since it’s Princess Tessa, it’s okay! No harm done!” I mock. She crosses her arms with an indignation she doesn’t deserve. “Princess Tessa? Really, Hardin?” “Yeah, really! You cheated on me, right in front of me! I brought you here so you would know how much I care about you. I wanted you to know that I don’t care what anyone thinks about us. I wanted you to have the best night you could have, and then you go and do this shit!”

Really hate agreeing with Hardin

“Okay… well, I’ll leave you alone,” he says and begins to walk away. But then he turns back around. “It’s not supposed to be so complicated, you know?” “What?” I ask him and follow him to sit at a card table in the kitchen. “Love, relationships, all that. It doesn’t have to be so hard.” “Doesn’t it, though? Isn’t it always like this?” I have no reference except Noah.

No, bitch

Damn Hardin for leaving me at that party.

I'd have left your ass too

I need to go over what I’m going to say to Hardin. He’ll be so mad at me, and I need to think of a good way to apologize without using sex.

Y'all are so damaged

I know Hardin would never hurt me physically,

Do you??????

‘Oh, Tessa is so beautiful, Tessa is so sweet! Tessa is too good for Hardin! Tessa should be with me!’ ” Hardin mocks. What? Zed avoids looking at me. “Shut the fuck up, Hardin.” “Hear that, babe? Zed thought he could actually have you.” Hardin laughs. “Stop it, Hardin,” I say and get up from the couch. Zed looks humiliated. I shouldn’t have asked him to drive me home. Did he really say those things about me? I had assumed the way he acted toward me had to do with shame over the bet, but now I’m not so sure. “Look at her, I bet you’re thinking about it right now… aren’t you?” Hardin taunts him. Zed glares at Hardin and sets his drink on the table. “You will never have her, kid, so give it up. No one will have her except me, I’m the only one who will ever fuck her. The only one who will know how good it feels to have her—”

Sociopath

“You’re being cruel,” I tell him. “And disrespectful to me!”

I mean. You did cheat on him in front of him

I’m so sorry, I’d never hurt you purposely.”

You did tho??????????

He grabs the lamp off the table, causing the cord to rip out of the wall before smashing it on the floor. Then he grabs a vase and breaks it against the brick. Why is his first instinct to break everything in sight? “Stop it!” I scream. “Hardin, you’re going to break all of our stuff! Please stop it!” “This is your fault, Tessa! You fucking caused this!” he shouts back and grabs another vase. I scurry into the living room and snatch the object from his hand before he can break it. “I know it is! Please just talk to me,” I beg. I can’t hold my tears back any longer. “Please, Hardin.” “You fucked up, Tessa, so badly!” His fist slams against the wall.

None of this would have happened if you'd just murdered him at end of book one

“I do. Marriage is such a fucked-up concept: ‘Hey, I sort of like you, so let’s move in together and sign some paperwork promising to never leave each other, even though we won’t stick to it anyway.’ Why would anyone do that willingly? Why would you want to be tied down to one person forever?”

Awkward

I’ve always loved you, whether I wanted to or not.” “Sure.” “What can I do to make you see that?” After everything I’ve been through for him, how could he think me being with him is a way to rebel against my mother? “Not kiss other guys, perhaps.”

A sick burn

“For someone who hates your father so much, you sure as hell don’t have a problem acting like him,” I spit.

Sure, that's the thing to say to end this fight

I have since showered, cleaned up the kitchen, and read fifty pages of Moby-Dick—and I don’t even care for the book.

So read something else?

I don’t want to say anything in response, this whole conversation has been confusing and very back and forth.

Back and forth is just how conversations work

“Landon, Tess will have to call you back,” he says into the small speaker. His free hand grips my wrist, and he pulls me close to him, my back to his chest. Seconds pass before he says, “She’s otherwise occupied.”

Ugh fine

My hips buck off the bed, and I clamp my hand over my mouth to silence myself.

Why? You're at home.

This is something I thought people only did in naughty films, not real life.

naughty films

Little did I know that just a few months later I would be living in an apartment with my boyfriend, who was not Noah. I had no idea what was coming when my mother pulled into the parking lot at WCU—even less so when I met the rude boy with the curly hair. I wouldn’t have believed it if someone told me, and now I can’t imagine my life without that crabby guy. Butterflies begin to dance in my stomach as I remember the way it felt to catch a glimpse of him on campus, to try to glance around the room to look for him in Literature, the way I’d catch him looking at me while the professor was speaking, the way he’d eavesdrop on Landon and me.

I know, I was there the whole time

It doesn’t sit right. I care for Noah so much, but both of us wasted years of our lives dating each other.

YOU ARE NINETEEN

I get dressed as fast as possible while he lies on his stomach on our bed, his eyes never leaving me. I towel-dry my hair and get dressed.

We get it, you're getting dressed

As I look around the coffee shop, I begin to realize I probably should’ve just worn jeans and a sweatshirt. I’m the only person in the place who’s remotely dressed up save for Landon in his light blue button-down shirt and khakis.

Why would you dress up????? You're going to CLASS

“I have a boyfriend,” I announce and try to move around him. He blocks me. “I have a girlfriend… what does that matter?” He smiles and takes a step, cornering me.

Dude

“Thank God,” I say and wrap my arm around his neck. “Why are you here? I thought you didn’t need any more PE classes?” I ask. “I decided to take one. And good thing.” He sighs and takes my hand into his. “Which one?” I ask. I can’t imagine Hardin being athletic at all. “Yours.” I gasp. “You didn’t.” “Oh, yes I did.” His anger seems to be dissolved as he smiles at my horrified expression.

Sigh

I know some of the girls are looking at him because of his tattoos and piercings; they must be wondering why the heck he’s taking a yoga class.

Okay

“You’re supposed to touch your toes,” the blond girl next to Hardin says. “Trying,” he says with an overly saccharine smile. Why did he even respond to her—and why am I so jealous? She giggles at him while the image of me slamming her head against the wall plays on repeat in my mind. I always lecture Hardin about his temper, but here I am planning this whore’s murder… and calling her a whore even though I don’t know her.

Good lord

The first day of the new semester went very well, even yoga, which ended up being amusing. Amusing is not my usual preference when it comes to academics,

Yoga is not academics

“You have really got to get on birth control; I don’t want to use these anymore,” I gripe and she nods, staring at my fingers while they roll the condom on.

CONDOMS ARE STILL IMPORTANT FOR THE PREVENTION OF STDS

Of course she would be bending over to retrieve her cell-phone charger from the basket under the table. And of course she would be wearing the fucking yoga pants while doing so. And of course this greasy man with a damn beard would be checking out her ass. And of course she would stand back up and be oblivious to the entire exchange. “Hey, Tess, why don’t you go in the bedroom until it’s fixed,” I say. “It’s warmer in there.” “No, I’m okay. I’ll stay out here with you.” She shrugs and sits down on the chair. My patience is wearing thin, and when she lifts her arms behind her head to tie her hair up and she’s practically giving this asshole a show, it takes everything in me not to drag her into the room.

Yes how dare she exist in her own house

“Hey, Smith! How are you?” Tessa says in a strange voice I’ve never heard her use before. This must be her attempt at baby talk, even though the kid’s five. Only Tessa. The boy doesn’t say anything, just gives her a small smile and walks past Kimberly into the living room. “Yeah, he doesn’t talk much,” Kimberly tells Tess, noticing the sad look on her face. As humorous as it is that he didn’t respond to Tessa, I don’t want her to be upset, so the little shit better knock it off and be nice to her.

You really are the worst

He nods rather robotically, and I realize that he actually looks an awful lot like his father. His hair is practically the exact color, his eyes are the same shade of green-blue, and I suspect that if he were to smile he would have the same dimples as Christian.

Breaking: worst guy you've ever met discovers genetics are not a myth.

God, he’s a nosy little shit. “She’s my girlfriend.” I should have never got this kid talking in the first place. He folds his hands together and looks up at me like a little priest or something. “You want her to be your wife?” “No, I don’t want her to be my wife,” I say slowly but clearly so he can hear me and maybe get it this time. “Ever?” “Never.”

She'll be thrilled to hear this, I'm sure

I dive into my work, and lunchtime comes quickly. After several duds, I hit upon a manuscript that is really captivating, and I find myself eating quickly so I can get back and finish it. I hope they find a cure for the main character’s illness; I’ll be heartbroken if he passes.

Sorry this just sounds so fucking stupid

“Are you telling me you wouldn’t move to New York to be with Tessa?” “Yes, that is exactly what I’m telling you. I don’t want to live in New York, so I won’t be living in New York.” “You know I don’t mean New York, I mean Seattle. She wants to live in Seattle.” “She’ll be moving to England with me,” I tell him. I turn the volume dial on his radio up in hopes of ending this conversation. “What if she doesn’t? You know she doesn’t want to, so why would you force her to?” “I’m not forcing her to do anything, Landon. She will move because we’re supposed to be together and she won’t want to be away from me, simple as that.” I check my phone once more to try to distract myself from the irritation my lovely stepbrother is causing me.

Holy shit dude

Tessa’s voice plays in my mind, warning me not to drink again after the last time, but I don’t give a shit. I need a drink. I hear Zed and Landon’s voices next. Why does everyone around me think their opinions matter to me?

Sigh

I’m tempted to wear yoga pants so I can tease Hardin when I see him, but I can’t find them anywhere. Knowing him, he probably hid them or put them somewhere so no other guys can see me in them.

THIS IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

we’re going to use the first half of class to work on the first journal assignment. I haven’t decided how many there will be exactly, but like I said, the journal will make up the majority of your grade, so you need to put in at least a little effort.”

This feels like it's going to be a plot point down the line

Faith. Have I had too much faith in Hardin?

Yes????

My second thought is of Molly. It’s funny how she always pops up in mind when there’s trouble. Well, not funny, but persistent. She’s like an apparition that appears in my head even though I know he wouldn’t cheat on me.

Oh he definitely cheated on her

I was harsh on Tessa and said some pretty fucked-up things, and now here I am in Carly’s kitchen drinking fucking coffee this late in the afternoon.

You were?? You did?? When???

My head’s too foggy to think up a good excuse, so I just text her, I fell asleep in the car after drinking too much with Landon last night. Be home soon. Something feels off, and I pause for a minute. But my whole brain is just rattled, so I hit send and watch the phone to see if she’s replying. Nothing. Well, I can’t tell her about this, about staying at Carly’s house. She’ll never forgive me, she won’t even hear me out. I know she won’t. I can tell she’s getting tired of my shit lately. I know she is.

Good luck dude

“Hardin! Do you not see that I was just in an accident?” she yells and starts crying, prompting the EMT to walk back over. “Actually, you probably can’t tell, your version of reality is so warped. You write me a note last night about going out with your dad this morning, then you text me that you fell asleep drunk in your car after drinking with Landon. With Landon! You must think I’m stupid enough to believe anything—even things that contradict each other.” She glares at me. “Of course, you’re a walking bundle of contradictions, so, yeah, I can see how you might mistakenly think the rest of reality is, too.” The realization of just how stupid I was fills me, and I can’t speak for a moment. I’m so stupid, so very, very stupid. And not just because I couldn’t keep my stories straight. The EMT takes that moment to put a hand on Tessa’s shoulder and says, “Is everything okay over here? We need to get you to the hospital, just to check everything out.” Wiping her tears from her cheeks, Tessa looks dead at me and says to her, “Yes. I’m ready. I’m ready to leave now.”

Wouldn't it be great if the series ended right here?

“Tessa is all banged up and has a concussion because of you, and here you are getting drunk. You’re such a prick!” he practically screams. “That wasn’t my fucking fault and I tried to talk to her!” “Yes, it was your fault! It was your damn text message that she was trying to read when she crashed. A text that she knew right away was a lie, might I add.” The breath is knocked out of me. “What are you talking about?” I choke. “She was so anxious to hear from you all day, she grabbed her phone as soon as she saw your name.” This is my fault. How did I not put it together? I caused these injuries to her. I hurt her.

God you're fucking oblivious

I’m beginning to suspect I may always be alone, as dramatic as the thought seems; I wasn’t happy with Noah, yet Hardin and I didn’t work. Maybe I’m like my mother in that way. Maybe I’m better off alone.

Yes, the high school boyfriend and the serial abuser didn't work out, guess that's you done at the elderly age of nineteen.

I almost went back to the apartment. I was ready to tell him to hell with marriage, I don’t care if he lies to me every day and doesn’t respect me, as long as he never leaves me.

Girl

“I’m so sorry, I should’ve paid more attention to you instead of making it all about me,” I tell him. I can’t believe how selfish I’ve been to not even pay attention to him telling me about Dakota’s move to New York.

Accurate

I adore the way his tongue hides behind his teeth when he smiles, I always have.

???????????? Does your tongue NOT stay behind your teeth when you smile?????

When she left the apartment that night, I waited and waited to hear her footsteps rush through the door, and I waited for her voice to begin screaming at me. It didn’t come. I sat on the floor waiting and waiting. It never came. She never came.

I know it's not going to last but right now it feels good