After We Collided (After, #2)

by Anna Todd

Since I’m not good with words when trying to relate my inner life, I may have stolen some from Mr. Darcy, whom you fancy so much. I write without any intention of paining you, or humbling myself, by dwelling on wishes which, for the happiness of both, cannot be too soon forgotten: and the effort which the formation and the perusal of this letter must occasion, should have been spared had not my character required it to be written and read. You must, therefore, pardon the freedom with which I demand your attention; your feelings, I know, will bestow it unwillingly, but I demand it of your justice…

Well you've convinced me not to read Pride and Prejudice

The worst one was with this boy named Tucker who came from a poor family. He wore the oldest, rattiest clothes, and I fucking tortured him for it. I would mark on his shirt with a pen just to prove how many times he wore it without washing it. Fucked up, I know.

You are a monster

I did sleep with Molly once after you and I kissed, but the only reason I did it was because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.

Eat glass omg

You love me when you shouldn’t, and I need you.

You need so much therapy

I can only pray that you will love me the same after reading this. If not, that’s okay. I will understand. I know you can do better than me. I’m not romantic, I won’t ever write you poetry or sing you a song. I’m not even kind.

Really selling it dude

He has done a lot of things that I would never do, terrible things that hurt many people—but the thing that matters most to me is that he doesn’t do them anymore.

HE JUST DID! TO YOU!

I hate to admit it, but there is a sort of poetry to him never caring for anyone except me.

Ohmygod

“So this is it, then, we’re done with the back-and-forth?” I ask.

There's simply no way

I’m still reeling from the fact that she’s still here. Her forgiveness and acceptance of me will never fail to surprise the fuck out of me.

Same tbh

and I head for the closet, grabbing the sleeveless forest-green dress I bought to wear today. The dark-green material is thick, and the neckline is high. The bow covering my waist is much bigger than it looked when I tried it on the other day, but I’ll have a cardigan over it anyway.

This has got to be the ugliest dress ever

“You look… incredibly innocent.” “Wait, is that good or bad? It’s Christmas, I didn’t want to look indecent.” I suddenly feel unsure of what I chose to wear. “Oh, it’s good. Very good.” His tongue snakes over his bottom lip, and I finally get it,

Barf

“Well, I’ll be glad when Hardin finishes, so he can move back home,” Trish says, and I drop my fork onto my plate. All eyes focus on me and I smile apologetically before picking the utensil back up. “You’re moving back to England after you graduate?” Landon asks Hardin. “Yeah, of course I am,” Hardin answers rudely.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa

As she pours, I see Hardin nodding his head next to me several times. And then he remarks, “What about you, Dad? You want a glass of wine?” Everyone looks at him with wide eyes and open mouths. I squeeze his hand to try to silence him. But he continues with a wicked smirk. “What? No? C’mon, I’m sure you do. I know you miss it.”

Don't you get tired of being this shit?

I stand frozen, as always, as Hardin attacks his own father.

You're all fucking useless

Seeing the blood, I break out of my stupor and grab Hardin’s shirt. His arm jerks back, knocking me into a table. A glass of red wine topples over, covering my white cardigan.

His arm "jerks back"? Girl please.

“We’re leaving,” he growls and goes to wrap his arm around my waist.

Who tfdo you think you are

“Let’s go,” Hardin commands, but as he walks toward the door, he looks back to make sure that I’m behind him.

Again, who *the fuck*

I can’t decide if I should be angry with him.

You can't????????????

He refuses to forgive his father for his past mistakes, yet he’s quick to ask for my forgiveness at every turn.

INTERESTING ISN'T IT

“I’m so sorry, Tess. I didn’t mean to push you like that.” “You really shouldn’t have done that. Not today.” “I know… are you hurt?” he asks, wiping his wounded hands against his black jeans. “No.” If he had physically hurt me, we would have much bigger problems.

I mean yeah but also THE PUSH IS A HUGE PROBLEM

“I just can’t believe you put up with my shit,” he says.

NEITHER CAN I

“It’s worth it, though,” I add, meaning it.

Is it???

“I guess…” He sighs. “After I hit him, I thought for a second that you were going to stay there and make me leave.” “You did?” “Yeah, I did. I’m glad you didn’t, but that’s what I thought.”

I would have

“No, no, you said you needed to go to the store. What was it, plugs or something?” “Plugs?” “You know to… plug yourself.” What? “I don’t get it…” “Tampons.”

Jesus christ

“Hardin, I’m on my period. I just started right before you got home. There, are you happy?” “Why are you embarrassed by it?” “I’m not—I just don’t think it’s something that women should discuss.”

Girl go to hell

“You could help clean, you know? Since you’re the one who makes most of the mess,” I point out. “Oh no. You’re much better at cleaning than I am.” He gestures at the cereal box. I roll my eyes but give it to him. I don’t mind cleaning, because, honestly, I like things a certain way, and Hardin’s version of cleaning isn’t actually cleaning. He just shoves things wherever they’ll fit.

Weaponised incompetence who??

When I join Hardin in the kitchen, I see he’s laid out a couple of trays of fruit and vegetables and already set the table. I’m really impressed by what he’s done, though I do have to fight the urge to rearrange a few things.

You suck so much

“Of course I am, ba—Hardin.” “What was that… what were you going to say?” I hide my face. “Nothing.” I don’t know where this sudden urge to call him pet names comes from, but it’s embarrassing.

What is wrong with you

“Don’t think these will keep me out.” His fingers draw circles on my black tights. “They may not, but the… you know will.” A knock at the door makes me jump, and Hardin smiles and winks at me. As he walks to the door, he says over his shoulder, “Oh, baby… that won’t either.”

Oh no

Honestly, I’m still fucking irritated about the bracelet. I wanted her to wear my bracelet every day—I wanted it to be her favorite gift.

You are a child

I still can’t believe they got her an expensive bracelet; what show-offs. What if she wants to wear this new one instead of mine?

We're still here, I see. She has two wrists, dickhead.

I feel obligated to give her the chance to have a motherly figure around, since it’s my fault her and her mother are on such bad terms. It’s good for me, in a fucked-up way, that they are, because it’s one less person in the way of us being together.

Jesus

I was nice enough today, but there’s no way that I’m hugging anyone. Except Tessa, of course, but after my politeness today she should be giving me more than a hug.

Ugh

I wave once more as our company leaves and let out a deep breath that I hadn’t realized I was holding.

AGAIN??

“What about your bracelet?” I hesitantly ask her. “It’s beautiful.” “Oh…” I look away. “It’s fancy and expensive,” I add. “Yeah… I feel bad that they spent all that money on it when I won’t really be wearing it. I’ll have to wear it when they’re around once or twice.” “Why won’t you wear it?” “Because I already have a favorite bracelet.” She shakes her wrist back and forth, making the charms hit one another.

YOU CAN WEAR TWO BRACELETS OHMYGOD

Oh, you know, I took Hardin back, then found out he made sex tapes with multiple girls, ruining one of their lives, but then I took him back again. My mother showed up at my apartment and caused a scene, so now she and I aren’t speaking. Hardin’s mother was in town, so we had to pretend we were together, even though we weren’t, which basically brought us back together, and it was smooth sailing until my mother told his mother about him taking my virginity for a bet. Oh, and Christmas? To commemorate that holiday, Hardin beat the shit out of his dad and punched his hand through a glass cabinet. You know, the usual.

It really has been a journey hasn't it

“Thinking of myself as someone’s guardian or whatever I am. I’m not married, not even engaged, to Christian, so I don’t know my place with Smith.” “I think Smith and Christian are both lucky to have you in their lives, whatever title you may have,” I assure her.

In the rest of this mess I simply did not register that this poor child was called Smith. SMITH!

“I’m sorry that you don’t like him, but you can’t tell me who I can be friends with.” When she smiles at me, I try to hold on to my anger, but feel it slowly slipping. Damn, is she good. “I can’t stand him.” “He’s harmless. Really. Besides, he’s moving to Seattle in March.” Ice fills my veins, but I try to remain neutral. “He is?” Of course fucking Trevor is moving to Seattle—the place Tessa wants to be. The place I am not moving to and never will. I wonder if she’s thought about going with him? No, she wouldn’t. Would she?

Dude WHAT

“I’m still mad at him for trying to seduce you. And you for not listening to me.” “I know, now be quiet…” She licks her bottom lip. “Let me set you at ease?” she asks with a shaky voice. What? “I… I want to show you that I love only you.” Her cheeks flush deep crimson, and her hands move to my belt as she stands on her toes to kiss me. I am confused, angry—and incredibly turned on. She runs her tongue over my bottom lip.

Yes this is healthy

I tug on the string of her tampon and dispose of it in the trash, then, moving her hand away, roll the condom on.

Could you not

“Oh God,” I utter, then clamp my mouth shut. I’m aware that we are in my office, but I can’t seem to worry in the way that I normally would.

WHY NOT?????

“I can’t go home. It’s only two.” I gesture to the clock on the wall. “Call Vance’s office on our way out. Come home with me,” Hardin instructs and grabs my purse from my desk. “Though you may want to replug yourself before we go.” He pulls a tampon from my purse and taps me on the nose with it.

God I hate him

I don’t know what I would have done if he’d assaulted Trevor in the office; Kimberly would have been forced to call security, and Hardin surely would have been arrested.

We can dream

I know they’ll probably think I’m an idiot for being with him again.

Correct

I try to picture what he’d look like without tattoos and piercings, but I can’t seem to do it.

Really thought we were past this weirdness

One drink won’t hurt.

Sure.

“What’s that?” I ask nosily. “A tattoo. I just got it done before I came here.” “Can I see it?” “Yeah…” He shrugs his jacket off and sets it down next to him, then pulls back the tape and bandage. “It’s dark over here,” he says, pulling out his phone to use the screen as a light. “Clockwork?” I ask him. Without thinking, I run my index finger across the ink. He flinches but doesn’t move away.

Girl no

“You’re brave for coming here,” he tells me with a smile. “Stupid and brave aren’t the same thing,” I joke. “I mean it. After everything… you didn’t hide away somewhere. I probably would have.” “I did hide for a little while, but he found me.” “I always do.” Hardin’s voice startles me, and I grip on to Zed’s jacket to prevent myself from falling off the stone wall.

Big yikes man

I’m glad she’s having fun, but I can’t help the annoyance that I feel at her having had fun with Zed, not me.

YOU LEFT HER THERE

“Fine, let’s do truth, then,” she says. “Is it true that you’re a dumb-ass for getting back with Hardin after he admitted he fucked you for a bet?” she asks in a cheery voice.

Yes, it is