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Sure, she looked like her, even dressed like her. She blushed when I cursed and seemed a little afraid of me throughout our dinner.
????????? You want girls to be afraid of you???
The guilt I felt when I moved in to kiss her was overwhelming. I pulled away, and the embarrassment was clear on her innocent face—I practically ran to my car, leaving her stranded at the restaurant.
Sir
As my mouth falls open, Trish laughs. “Who are you, and where is my boy?” Then, with real happiness in her voice, she says, “I can’t even remember the last conversation we had where you didn’t curse me out, it’s been years. This is nice.”
Your mother??????????
I need to make a mental list of the pros and cons of being with Hardin again.
Sigh
I know my pros list is full of small things, especially compared to the large negatives, but the small things are the most important, right?
NO
She lets out the cutest hiccup and pulls the scarf over her head. Her blond hair sticks up out of the side in a big knot, making her look even younger than usual.
Big yikes
Over dinner Trish talks about the shopping horrors they experienced and how a man was tackled by security guards for trying to steal a dress from Macy’s. Hardin swears that the dress was for the man himself,
Hey that's a weird detail to include
I wake up sweating. Hardin’s head is on my stomach, and his arms are in a bear hug around me. Surely his arms must be numb from my body weight. His legs are intertwined with mine, and he’s snoring lightly.
What
“It wasn’t like that, Tessa. You are… were my friend. I know I fucked up, but I really am sorry.” Her apology catches me off guard. But I recover and say, “Well, I can’t forgive you.” She frowns. And then her expression turns angry. “But you can forgive him? He’s the one who started it all—and you forgave him. How fucked up is that?”
Truly
“I’m terrible at buying gifts for people. What did you get her?” The present he got me for my birthday was so perfect that I imagine the gift he chose for his mother must be equally thoughtful. He shrugs. “A bracelet and a scarf.” “A bracelet?” I ask and pull him farther down the mall. “No, I meant a necklace anyway. It’s just a plain necklace that says Mom or some shit.”
Tfis happening
“I wouldn’t take it back, because we wouldn’t have been together if I hadn’t done such a fucked-up thing. Our paths would have never really crossed, not in the way that has bonded us together so tightly. Even though it’s destroyed my life, without that stupid, evil bet, I wouldn’t have had a life at all. I’m sure that makes you hate me even more, but you wanted the truth. And that’s the truth.” Looking into Hardin through his green eyes, I don’t know what to say. Because when I think about it—really think about it—I know I wouldn’t change anything either.
You both suck so much
“You make me happy, Hardin. But you also make me miserable, angry, and—most of all—you make me insane.” “That’s the point, isn’t it? That’s why we’re so good together, Tess, because we are terrible for each other.”
WHAT
“We have to take it slow, I shouldn’t be doing this at all… If you hurt me again, I’ll never forgive you, ever,” she threatens.
Goddammit Tessa
I still can’t believe she’s giving me another chance.
YOU ANNOYED HER UNTIL SHE GAVE IN
She rests her forehead against mine and I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding.
Jesus not you too
The mixture of his raspy voice, his British accent, and the gentleness behind his tone makes for the most perfect combination.
Just in case you forgot he's Harry Styles
“Please don’t make me regret this,” I beg him, and he takes my face into his hands once more. “I won’t. You’ll see,” he promises and kisses me again.
Yes you will
“No, honey, don’t worry about it. I have no hard feelings toward that woman at all.
You can tell by the way you call her "that woman."
Her eyes are red from her breakdown during the movie. I knew it would upset her, though I have to admit that I was looking forward to her reaction.
How romantic
“I… well, I was thinking about… fucking… I mean making love to you.” “Oh,” she says softly, her eyes wide. “I know, I’m a dick,” I groan, wishing I would’ve just lied. “No… no, you’re not.” Her cheeks color red. “I was sort of thinking about the same thing.” She takes her bottom lip between her teeth, taunting me further. “You were?” “Yeah… I mean it has been a while… well, not including Seattle, during which I was belligerently drunk.”
Its been like a week
She answers me by taking my hand and placing it in between her thighs.
So much for taking it slow.
I would love to see what we look like in this moment, molded together yet so separated. The contrast of her smooth, clear skin and the black ink covering mine as she runs her hands up and down my arms must be quite the sight. It’s dark meets light; it’s chaotic perfection; it’s everything I fear, want, and need.
This is so fucking dumb
Hardin smiles and pulls me back down to him. “Would you like me to make you some breakfast, Daisy?” “Daisy?” I raise my eyebrow. “It’s early, and I’m not at my best to quote literature, but you’re grumpy, so… I called you Daisy.” “Daisy Buchanan wasn’t grumpy. And neither am I.” I harrumph, but can’t help smiling. He laughs. “Yes, you are. And how do you know which Daisy I’m talking about?” “There are only a few, and I know you well enough.” “Is that so?” “Yes, and your attempt at insulting me failed miserably,” I tease. “Yeah… Yeah… Mrs. Bennet,” he fires back. “I assume that since you said
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I hate you both so much
Noah always gave me the same thing: perfume and socks. Every single year. Then again, I gave him cologne and socks each year.
Y'all are so weird
“How could you, Hardin?” she cries. “I had hoped you were different now… I hoped you had stopped doing things like this to girls… women. Have you forgotten what happened last time?”
HE'S DONE THIS BEFORE?????
And I lose it. “You aren’t welcome here—don’t ever come back!” I scream with a bloody rawness in my throat. “Who do you think you are, busting in here, and with the nerve to talk to him that way!” I push past Hardin and come face-to-face with her. “I want nothing to do with you! No one does! That’s why you’re alone after all these years—you are cruel and conceited! You will never be happy!” I take a breath and swallow, feeling just how dry my throat is. My mother stares me down with full self-assurance, and more than a little scorn. “I am alone because I choose to be. I don’t have the need to
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Girl where tf are you gonna go in 2 chapters when you find out Hardin's history of date rape or whatever
I glance at my mum for help—the look she gives me lets me know that she hates me. I didn’t want her to know what I did to Tess. I knew it would kill her, especially after what happened before. But I’m not the same person I was then. This is totally different.
I mean it sounds like you're very much the same
I should have had Tessa change rooms and prevented all of this. No man is going to want her after this… after you.
Ma'am??????
“Because, Hardin”—she sighs, lifting her hands as if it’s obvious—“you aren’t good for her. You know you aren’t. I don’t want to see her end up like Natalie, or the others.” My mum shakes her head.
I. Would like. The details.
“Do you know what will happen to me if she leaves me, Mum? I don’t think you understand… I cannot be without her. I know I’m not good for her, and I regret what I did every single time I look at her, but I can be good for her. I know I can be.”
Baby you need professional help
All I know is that she’s my only shot at happiness. If she leaves me, I’ll never recover.
Good, you can rot
“She’s always there for me, Mum. She always forgives me, even when she shouldn’t. She always says the right thing. She calms me, but challenges me—she makes me want to be a better man. I know I’m a shitty person, I know that. I have done so much shit, but Tessa can’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone anymore, and I’ll never love anyone again—she is it for me. I know it. She’s my ultimate sin, Mum, and I’ll gladly be damned for her.”
You're absolutely going to kill her
“I need to know what you did.” “I know… just promise me that you’ll try to understand…” “Tell me, Hardin.” “And that you understand that I’m not proud of any of this.” She nods, and I take a deep breath as she leads us to the couch. I really don’t know where the fuck to start.
Yes I am sat
“So what happened with Natalie?” My voice is coarse as I wipe the tears from my eyes. “When James saw the video of her… He wanted to fuck her himself. And when she turned him down, he showed everyone the video.” “Oh my God. That poor girl.” I feel so terrible for what they did to her, what Hardin did to her. “The video spread so quickly that her parents found out before even a day had passed. Her family was really big in their church community… so the news didn’t go well. They kicked her out of their house, and when word got around, she lost her scholarship to the private university she was
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Jesus christ dude
“She said she fell in love with me… and she asked if she could stay at my house until she found somewhere else to go.” “Did you let her?” He shakes his head. “Why?” “Because I didn’t want to. I didn’t care for her.” “How can you be so cold about this? Do you not understand what you did to her? You led her on. You had sex with her and taped it. You showed your friends—and basically the school—and she lost her scholarship and family because of you! Then you don’t even have the compassion to help her when she had nowhere else to go?” I shout and stand up. “Where is she now? What happened to her?”
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Dude??????????????????
I see the pattern here, I see the similarities between Natalie and me. I was left with nowhere to go because of Hardin, too. I have no relationship with my mother because of Hardin. I fell for him while he was using me as part of some sick game.
Yeahhhhhh
“Once… to Dan’s sister,” he says. Dan’s sister? “Your friend Dan?” It makes sense now. “That’s what Jace meant when you were fighting!” I had forgotten all about Dan and Hardin’s fight, but Jace had hinted about some previous tension between the two of them. “Why did you do that if he was your friend? Did you show everyone?” “No, I didn’t show anyone. I deleted it after I sent Dan a screen grab… I don’t know why I did it, really. He was such a dick about telling me to stay away from her when he brought her around the first time that it made me want to fuck her just to piss him off. He’s a true
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Buddy this is not about Dan.
“This was all before you, Tessa—this is my past.
You literally did it TO HER
That wasn’t me—this is me. This is me now. I love you! I will do anything for you, for you to see that this is me, the man who loves you more than breathing, the man who dances at weddings and watches you sleep, the man whose day can’t start until you kiss me, the man who would rather die than be without you. That’s me, that’s who I am. Please don’t let this ruin us. Please, baby.”
How dare you suggest she would be the one to ruin things
“Yes, Hardin. I can’t think straight around you.” “No, Tessa, you’re not leaving,” he commands. “You will not tell me what I will or will not do,” I snap.
Ohmygod just kill him already
How many times did they have sex? Did Hardin like it?… Of course he did. It’s sex, and obviously Hardin was having a lot of it. With other girls. Lots of other girls. Did he stay the night with Natalie after? Why do I feel jealous of Natalie?
You know what you deserve each other
I wish I had a friend to talk about all of this with, someone to give me advice. Even if I did, I wouldn’t divulge Hardin’s indiscretion. I do not want anyone to know what he has done to these girls. I know how foolish it is to want to protect him when he doesn’t deserve it, but I can’t help it. I don’t want anyone to think any worse of him, and mostly I don’t want him to think any worse of himself than he already does.
I hate you.
No one will ever love him the way I do. Not because he’s not worth loving,
I mean. He's clearly not.
Half of me thinks that it may be time for me to take some of the blame here—not for what he did to Natalie, but for being so hard on him when change takes time and nobody can erase their past.
Fucking WHAT
sometimes I forget that he’s an angry, lonely man who up until now has never loved anyone.
Oh poor baby jesus fucking christ
If I leave him, I need to move away from here, far away.
Girl he will find you
And suddenly I realize the tears have stopped, telling me that my verdict is in. The pain that comes from considering leaving him is much worse than the pain he has caused me. I can’t leave him. I know I can’t.
Ohmygod
“I know he’s done terrible things, deplorable things, but I believe him when he says that he’s changed. He isn’t that person anymore.”
He was literally that person 8 weeks ago.
I nod, appreciative of her honesty. But I tell her, “It hasn’t. Well, damage has most certainly been done, but it’s not irreversible. And it’s my decision to figure out how to deal with his past. And if I hold his past against him, how will he move forward? Is he never deserving of love forever more? I know you probably think I’m naive and foolish to keep forgiving him, but I love your son, and I cannot be without him, either.”
You know what? Fine.
I think it has a lot to do with his feelings about his father and the type of friends he has, both of which I’m trying to work on.
Sure. Okay.
