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I always think I know what to do until Zed starts talking.
You say this about every guy
“I know, but you clearly don’t understand the concept of giving her some space.” “I can’t help it. I’m so used to being with her and I’ve been through hell the last nearly two weeks without her. It’s hard for me to stay away from her.”
YOUUUU HAVE BEEN THROUGH HELL???
When we arrive at the restaurant, it looks fancy and very expensive. All of the cars in the parking lot cost more than my mother’s house, I’m sure.
In Ellensburg????
I wish she knew how it was then, how I would fuck them with no emotion.
wtf
Tessa has an obsession with Target that I’ll never understand. It’s just like M&S back in London,
It absolutely is NOT??????
But she always tells me, Target has great quality and a lot to choose from.
Sorry is this an advertisement
She always looks beautiful and sexy, but something about the giant sweatshirt, hat, and gloves makes her look even more innocent than usual.
Please stop.
I don’t feel that way about my tattoos, though. I love them and I always will. I’ll continue to cover my body in ink, expressing thoughts that I can’t bring myself to actually say. Well, that’s not really the case, seeing as they are random shit that have no meaning whatsoever, but they look all right, so I don’t give a fuck.
Tf is the point of this paragraph
I don’t want you to change your personality either.
Girl we ABSOLUTELY want him to change his personality
my mind replays our date over and over. Hardin was so… nice. Hardin was nice. He was dressed up and he didn’t get into a fight, he didn’t even curse anyone out. This is major progress.
How? How is the bar this low
I look up at him to find his eyes resting on my mouth. Instinctively, my head tilts up, bringing my mouth closer to his. When I close the space between us and press my lips to his, he leans back on his elbows and I climb onto his lap.
THIS IS NOT SLEEPING
I barely remember my early college days, bottle after bottle, slut after slut—it’s
Dude
Will his hair be pushed back like it was yesterday? Was his party boring without me and he wanted to see me instead? He really is changing and I love him for it. Why am I so giddy? Thirty minutes. I rush to the bathroom to brush the popcorn kernels from my teeth. I shouldn’t be kissing him, should I? It is his birthday… one kiss won’t be so bad, and let’s be honest: he deserves a kiss for all the effort he’s put into this so far. One kiss won’t hurt anything I’m trying to do.
I hate you so much
“Anyway, we’re thinking of taking a trip to the beach next week. If you want to come, that would be lovely.” One of the things I love about Landon’s mother is that she never pushes me to talk about anything. “The beach? In February?” I ask. “We have a boat that we like to take out before it gets too warm. We go whale watching, and it’s really neat; you should come.”
WHERE?????
This is why we have issues, because I daydream about force-feeding her.
I mean, it's definitely one of the reasons
His eyes search the room for something, anything, left to break. He hasn’t left much unscathed. Luckily, the things that have been demolished are mostly mine.
This is so fucking abusive
I can barely stand on my feet as he bites down softly just above where my collarbone would show if I were as thin as society wanted me to be.
Haaaaaaa
I know that making love so soon, before anything has been determined, may not have been the best idea,
Correct
The wreckage from Hardin’s outburst covers the floor, so I take it upon myself to begin putting everything back in its place; the clothes from my drawers are my first task.
Absolutely fucking not what is wrong with you
She sighs and keeps her position on the other side of the room as I pull at the taped edges of wrapping paper. I’m slightly irritated by the amount of tape she used for this one box, but I’ll admit I’m a little… …excited.
You are the worst
When I finally get the box open, there are multiple things inside. First is a tattered copy of Pride and Prejudice, which, when I take it in my hands, prompts Tessa to walk over and grab it from me.
Did you forget you based their relationship on Wuthering Heights?
“What’s this for?” I ask with a grin, holding up the leather binder. “Your work, that thing you use, is tearing at the seams and it’s so unorganized. See, this one has tabs for each week—or subject, you can decide.” She smiles. This gift is humorous because I always take note of the way she cringes when I shove papers into my old binder. I refuse to let her organize it for me despite her multiple attempts, and I know that drives her insane. I don’t want her to see what’s inside.
Why not, Hardin? WHY NOT??
Our relationship is so confusing—it always is—but now especially. At the moment, I’m not sure who holds the upper hand.
This is not what relationships are
I do wish he’d let me talk about Seattle. How will he react? I don’t even want to tell him, but I know that I have to. Will he be happy for me? I don’t think so; actually, I know he won’t be.
And that's why you love him I guess
“When I was in England, at my mum’s, I had a dream… well, nightmare.” Oh no. My heart sinks. I knew his nightmares had come back, but it still hurts me to hear about it. “I’m sorry those dreams came back.” “No, they didn’t just come back, Tess. They were worse.” I swear that I feel his body shiver, but his face holds no emotion. “Worse?” How could they possibly be worse? “It was you, they were… doing it to you,” he says, and ice replaces the warm blood in my veins. “Oh.” My voice is weak, pathetic.
This feels like info she did not need
“You know I would never let anyone hurt you, don’t you?”
Just him.
“It’ll be ten to fifteen minutes before you can be seated,” a short woman with a blue scarf around her neck tells us when we walk inside. “Okay,” I say at the same time that Hardin says, “Why?”
Why do you think
listen to that voicemail for the fifth time as I walk down the campus sidewalk. She sounds so miserable and upset. In a fucked-up way it makes me happy to hear it, to hear the anguish and pure sadness in her voice as she cries into my ear. I wanted to know if she was as miserable without me as I was without her, and here is the proof that she was.
How nice
Out of the corner of my eye I see him raise his arm, but by the time I realize what’s happening, he’s slammed one of the small pots against the side of my head.
It would be so great if he killed you
But I already know the answer to that question. Why couldn’t he just keep his cool, for once? Is Hardin okay? Will he go to jail? Real jail?
Yes please
A cut across his head and face? I hope he isn’t in pain. Oh my God, this is all so crazy. I should have just agreed to spend the entire day with him. If I had, he wouldn’t have even been on campus today.
Siiiiiigh
My angry boy’s head snaps to the side,
Your angry boy??
I cross my arms over my chest. “How would you feel if I’d been the one to go find him today after I told you I wouldn’t? I thought we were both trying to make this work, and here you blatantly lied to my face. You knew you weren’t going to hold up your end of the deal, didn’t you?” “Yeah, I did, okay? It doesn’t matter now, what’s done is done,” he huffs like an angry child. “It matters to me, Hardin. You keep getting yourself in trouble when it’s not necessary.”
Literally nothing matters to you girl
I growl at him, literally, as I walk away. He thinks just because his father is the chancellor, he’s going to get out of this easily, and honestly, I really hope he does.
I vote death
“It’s… well, it’s not looking good. There was a lot of damage done to the lab that Zed was in—I’m talking thousands of dollars’ worth of damage. On top of that, Zed has a broken nose and a concussion. Someone drove him to the hospital.” My blood begins to boil. Hardin didn’t just push Zed around. He seriously injured him! “Also, Hardin shoved a professor to the floor. There’s a girl who’s in Zed’s class that already wrote a statement saying Hardin came in there looking for Zed specifically. It’s looking really bad right now. Ken’s trying his best to keep Hardin out of jail, but I don’t know if
...more
We could kill him
“Maybe you should talk to Zed about not pressing charges?” Landon suggests. “Hardin will freak out if I go anywhere near him.” Not that I should even listen to him, since he doesn’t listen to me. “I know,” Landon replies, “but I don’t know what else to suggest at this point.” “I guess you’re right.” I look back at Ken, then down the hall, to where Hardin is.
Can't wait for this argument
Just as I reach the door Hardin’s voice booms down the hall. “Tessa! Don’t you fucking dare go find him!” he screams. I ignore him and open the double doors. “I mean it, Tessa! Come back in here!” The cold air drowns out his loud voice as I walk outside. How dare he tell me what to do like that? Who does he think he is? He’s made a huge mess because he can’t control his temper and jealousy. I’m trying to help clean up this mess. He’s lucky I didn’t slap him for breaking his promise to me. God, he’s so frustrating.
Yeah. Frustrating is definitely the word you were looking for.
WHEN I ARRIVE at Grandview, the woman at the nurse’s station doesn’t want to give me any information on Zed. She won’t confirm if he’s here now or tell me if he’s been here at all. “He’s my boyfriend and I really need to see him,” I tell the young bottle blonde. She obnoxiously pops her chewing gum and twirls a lock of her hair between her fingers. “He’s your boyfriend? The kid with all the tattoos?” She laughs, obviously not believing me.
Tf is it with you and tattoos
“He promised me that he’d stay away from you if I did, too,” I tell him. “Well, looks like he broke another promise, didn’t he?” he says pointedly.
Imagine that
He said that I should know better than to ‘fuck with what’s his.’ That’s how he talks about you when you aren’t around, Tessa.” His voice is soft and calm, totally unlike Hardin’s. I don’t like the way Hardin seems to think he owns me either, but it bothers me when someone else says it. Hardin doesn’t know how to handle his emotions and he’s never been in a relationship before. “He’s just territorial.” “You can’t really be defending him right now.”
And yet
“I don’t know, he thinks you’re trying to make me hate him or something.” Zed’s gaze is too intense, I have to look away. “He’s doing a pretty good job of that on his own, isn’t he?” “No, he’s not,” I counter.
WHY NOT
“Are you going to press charges against him?” I finally ask what I came here to ask. “Yeah.” “Don’t, please.” I stare into his eyes. “Tessa, you can’t do this. It isn’t fair.” “I know. I’m sorry, but if you press charges he’ll go to jail, to real jail.” The thought sends me into a panic again. “He broke my nose and I have a concussion; if he’d hit my head against that floor again, it would’ve killed me.”
Send him to prison jfc
“I’m not saying that’s okay, but I’m begging you. Please, Zed. We are leaving anyway. I’m transferring to Seattle, and Hardin will be gone, too.” Zed looks at me with worry. “He’s coming with you?” “No—well, yes. You won’t have to worry about him anymore. If you don’t press charges, you won’t have to hear from him again.”
Bitch you haven't even TOLD HIM ABOUT SEATTLE
There is no possible way that there is a love deeper than what I feel for this girl, but it doesn’t change my opinion on marriage. People don’t get married for the right reasons anymore, not that they ever did. In the past it was for status or money, and now it’s only to be sure you won’t be lonely and miserable—two things nearly every married person still feels anyway.
You're so cool
“Yes, it is. If you go to England, we’ll never see each other.” “You have to come, Tessa. I know you don’t want to, but you have to. I can’t be away from you again. Please just come.” His words are so full of emotion that I can’t seem to find mine.
Ugh
I almost tell him that I’ll pack my bags and go to England with him, but I can’t. For now, I’ll stay the coward that I am and push the news of Seattle back another day while I roll onto my side and he gathers me in his arms.
Sure why not
“What are you going to get, Hardin?” I ask him quietly. “Your name.” He smiles. Shocked, I step back from him with my jaw on the floor. “You wouldn’t want that?” he asks. “No! Gosh no, that’s… I don’t know, that’s insane,” I whisper. “Insane? Not really, it’s just showing you that I’m committed to you and don’t need a ring or marriage proposal to stay that way.”
Yikes no
I never wish to be parted from you from this day on… “Hardin, can we talk about this for a second, please?” I ask him. I swear he knows about my plans to go to Seattle and he’s taunting me by getting this tattoo. The line he chose is perfect but cruelly ironic, considering I’ve been withholding telling him about my move to Seattle. “No, Tess, I want to do it,” he says, dismissing me. “Hardin, I really don’t think—” “It’s not a big deal, Tessa, it’s not my first tattoo,” he jokes. “I just—”
Ohmygod just tell him
Tessa stops next to me, and the man does the same. I gently pull her behind me. If this homeless drunk thinks he’s coming any fucking closer to her, I will fucking…. What she says next is so spoken so softly that it comes out as a whisper, and I watch in confusion as all the color drains from her face. “Dad?”
PLOT TWIST
