After We Collided (After, #2)

by Anna Todd

I didn’t call my mum before I got there; it’s not like she had anything going on anyway.

so considerate

If Tessa calls me before I get on the flight, I’ll turn around. But if not, then too bad, I kept thinking. She had her chance to come back to me. She does every other time, no matter what I do, so why is this time so different? It’s not like I did anything, really; I lied to her, but it was a small-ass lie and she overreacted. If anyone should be pissed off, it’s me.

Sir???

It’s nice to be able to think these things without Tessa’s influence. I would feel slightly guilty being rude to my mum and her boyfriend if Tessa were here with me.

So you turn up to her house unannounced and then are RUDE TO HER????

If Tessa doesn’t want to be with me, then to hell with her. I don’t need her—I am better off alone, the way I had planned to be all along.

We are ALL better off if you're alone

I never liked American accents—they bore me and they’re annoying—but Tessa’s voice is perfect.

How sweet

Her nightgown is ripped off as she’s thrown to the floor. Wrinkled and dirt-stained hands travel up her thighs as she whimpers my name. “Please… Hardin, help me.” She looks to me, but I’m frozen. I am immobile and unable to help her. I am forced to watch as they beat her and violate her until she’s lying on the floor silent and bloodied. My mum didn’t wake me, no one did. I had to finish it, all of it, and when I woke up my reality was worse than any nightmare.

So. Tessa being raped by several men is PREFERABLE to her not being with you?

This cupcake tastes incredible. Maybe it’s because I’ve barely eaten in the last nine days, or maybe it’s because cupcakes truly are good for the soul. Regardless of the reason, I finish it in less than two minutes.

Weird detail but okay

“She’ll forgive you, Hardin,” she tells me, and I close my eyes.

I fucking hope not

The small cup and platter are thrown against the wall and shattered into small pieces as soon as she closes the door behind her.

You suck so much

“I like to think that you could’ve forgiven me since I would have told you before anything happened, and we’d have gone out on dates, proper dates. Like the movies or something, and we would have had fun. You would have smiled and laughed, and I wouldn’t have taken advantage of you.

The bar is in hell

Will she wear makeup even though she doesn’t need to?

YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL

Before I can stop myself, I grab my phone and press the button that I’ve been avoiding since day four. If he ignores me, I can move on. We are officially over if he doesn’t answer my call.

Girl please

The line goes straight to voicemail. “Hardin…” The words leave my lips at a frantic rate. “Hardin… it’s Tessa. I… well, I need to talk to you. I’m in my car and I’m so confused…” I begin to cry. “Why haven’t you even tried to contact me? You just let me leave, and here I am pathetically calling you and crying into your voicemail. I need to know what happened to us. Why was this time different—why didn’t we fight it out? Why didn’t you fight for me? I deserve to be happy, Hardin,” I sob and hang the phone up.

I hate you

And when I tell him that I’m not comfortable sleeping in his bed with him, he brings me the softest blanket and a somewhat clean pillow and lays them on his couch.

I'M SORRY?????????

I help myself to something that looks like a small piece of bread topped with tomatoes and sauce.

....... bruschetta?

Shouldn’t she be crying and shouldn’t she look like hell? She giggles again, and my eyes finally discern who she’s talking to, who’s making her forget me.

>=[

Fucking Trevor. I hate that bastard so fucking much—I could walk over there and throw him through that glass window and no one would be able to stop me. Why the fuck is he always around her? He’s a fucking twit, and I’m going to fucking kill him.

THEY. ARE. COLLEAGUES.

Her cheeks flush, and I have to press my hands down against my thighs to hold myself in the chair and not tackle him to the ground for embarrassing her. I know he’s only teasing, but it’s still a dick move.

Sure. Guess it takes a dick to know a dick.

I believe that deep fucking down she wants someone who is more like her. Someone with no tattoos, no piercings.

Haaaaaaaaaaa

“Stop it! Stop, Hardin!” Tessa pulls on my arm, and reflexively I knock her backward onto the driveway.

This is the SECOND TIME

“Tess… I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t know it was you, I swear!

There literally was no one else there

I know Hardin wouldn’t hurt me purposely, but this is the second time something like this has happened.

How many more times must I endure

“He’s a pretty violent guy. I know what to expect, I guess. Don’t worry about me, though. I just hope that after seeing who he really is tonight, you’ll distance yourself from him.”

Alas, there are still two more books

“Because you’re you, and on top of that, you’re a man…” He salutes me and downs the rest of what’s in his glass. “We always have to apologize first. It’s the way it is.”

Eh???????

I try to ignore the fact that his bed doesn’t have a sheet on it.

A heathen

“That’s the problem here. You think you can make her do whatever you want, and look where that got you.”

Truly

Landon looks at me incredulously. “Yes, for a week straight.” Then he shakes his head. “Man, you have no idea what you’ve done to her, and you didn’t even care. You’re still only thinking about yourself.”

Team Landon

I know what the fuck I had to lose—and now that I’ve lost it, I need it back. He can’t have her, no one can. No one except me.

The sigh I just sighed

“Tessa, listen to me. He isn’t who you think he is, he’s not Mr. Fucking Innocent.” “And how’s that?” she challenges. “Because… well, I don’t know—yet. But I know he’s using you for something. He just wants to fuck you—you know this,” I tell her, struggling to keep hold of my emotions. “No, he doesn’t.” She says it flatly, but I can see she’s getting angry. “Dude, you should just go—she doesn’t want to leave. You’re making a fool out of yourself.” When the words leave his busted lip, my body starts to shake. I have way too much anger that I need to let out. “I warned you—to shut the fuck up. Tessa, stop being difficult and let’s go. We need to talk.” “It’s the middle of the night, and you—” she begins, but I cut her off. “Please, Tessa.” Her expression changes as she hears my words, and I have no idea why. “No, Hardin, you can’t just come here and demand that I leave with you!”

It would be a public service if someone murdered him

“I went to England after you didn’t come back that night. I was so pissed off at you that I couldn’t see straight. You were being so damned difficult, and I just…”

Ohmygod

“I know, I thought if it were just the two of us there, you would…” I stutter. “I would what, Hardin?” Her teeth are chattering, and her nose is red from the cold. I pick at the dried scabs on my knuckles. I don’t know how to say what I feel without sounding like the world’s most selfish asshole. “You would be less likely to leave me,” I admit… and wait for her horrified response.

Classic abuse. Great.

“I don’t let my ego get in the way of shit!” I snap. “If anything, my ego is pretty fucked right now because I just found you in Zed’s bed.” “You’re really going to go there right now?” “Hell, yes I am, you’re acting like a…” I stop myself as she flinches from the words that she knows will follow.

There is literally no possible redemption arc here

“We can do it, though. You’re too good for me, and I fucking know it. But please, Tessa, I’ll do anything. I can’t go through another day like this.”

Ohmygod make him

Yeah, I’ll admit the first few days I was just so mad, and I didn’t want to be anywhere near you because you were overreacting—but

No she wasn't?????

I shouldn’t have even left with him.

No kidding

When he admitted that he wanted to take me away to England so I couldn’t leave him, I should have run for the hills,

Correct.

Landon looks at me with great sympathy in his eyes. “Just because he can’t love you the way you want him to doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you with everything he has,” he says.

Absolutely fucking not, Landon.

As I pull Zed’s T-shirt over my head, there’s a knock at the door. “Hang on, Landon, I need one second,” I call and pull the shirt down to cover my stomach. But when I open the door, it’s not Landon. It’s Hardin, and his cheeks are stained with tears and his eyes are bloodshot. “Hardin?” His hand cups my neck, and he pulls me to him. His mouth moves against mine before I can resist.

I'm going to kill myself

All of the pain from the last eleven days nearly evaporates when her arms wrap around my waist,

Girl NO

“I know, I don’t know why I let you walk away again, but I’m sorry. So sorry, baby,” I tell her, hoping the use of the word will help my cause.

The worst ever term of endearment? Sure why not

I wrap my arms around her legs, and her hands move to my head, caressing and running her fingers through my hair. “I know I always fuck everything up and I know I can’t treat you the way that I have been. I just love you so much that it overwhelms me, and I don’t know what the fuck to do half the time, so I just say things on impulse and don’t think of how the words affect you. I know I keep breaking your heart, but please… please let me fix it. I’ll put it back together and I won’t dare to break it again. I’m sorry, I’m always sorry, I know. I’ll get a fucking shrink or something. I don’t care, just…” I sob into her legs. I grab hold of the waistband of the boxers and slide them down. “What are you…” She stops my hands. “Please, just take them off. I can’t stand you wearing them, please… I won’t touch you, just let me take them off,” I beg, and she lifts her hands from mine, returning them to my hair as I slide the boxers to the floor and she steps out of them.

This is embarrassing dude

“It’s not that simple,” she tells me; her bottom lip begins to quiver, and I’m still trying to stop my tears. “It’s not supposed to be simple.” “It’s not supposed to be this hard either.” She begins to cry with me. “Yes; yes, it is. It’ll never be easy with us.

Ugh

“Well, you could ask her out on a date. Have you guys ever even been on an actual date?” he asks. “Yeah, of course we have,” I say quickly. Haven’t we? Landon arches an eyebrow. “When?” “Um… well, we went to… and there was this time we…” I’m drawing a blank here.

That time you fingered her at the river for a bet rings a bell

I still feel some guilt over what happened with Hardin while I was still with Noah. In my defense, Hardin came in like a wrecking ball—I had no choice but to gravitate to him as he slowly destroyed me, then built me back up, then destroyed me again.

You had so much choice??? You could even say you had ALL the choice.

Hardin claims that Zed only wants to get in my pants, but honestly, that’s a little hypocritical of him to say.

A little????

He’s dressed in a white long-sleeved shirt and jeans, the material of his shirt so thin that I can see the swirls of ink below the fabric.

Where are these men finding these threadbare shirts?

Zed puts his slice down on his napkin. “You shouldn’t even be giving him a minute of your time, Tessa. What more does he have to do to you to make you stay away from him?” He stares at me as if I owe him an answer.

We would all like an answer

And you know, I wanted to tell you the whole time; it was always more than a bet for me, Tessa. But to him it wasn’t. He proved that when he showed us the sheets.”

Every time I think I'm free of this detail, someone brings it up again

“I thought you’d like it. We’re working on doing the same with a tree; the problem is that trees take much longer to grow than flowers. But trees live much longer; flowers are too fragile. If you neglect them, they wilt and die.” His tone is soft, and I can’t help but compare myself to the flower, and get the feeling he’s doing the same.

God shut up

I don’t mind being led on, as long as you’ll have me around.

Aw buddy no