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March 10 - March 23, 2025
Admin Notice. Congratulations, Crawler. You have been sponsored! Viewers watching your feed will now occasionally see advertisements produced by your sponsor. Sponsor’s Name: The Valtay Corporation. Additional details available in the Sponsorship Tab of your interface.
Efffffff
“Carl, Carl, I hit level 28 and I got a sponsor!” Donut said as I pulled myself to my feet. She gasped. “Carl, guess what? It’s Princess D’nadia of the Prism Kingdom! I love her!”
Donut glowered at me. “Carl, she’s probably watching right now. Tell her you’re sorry!” “I’m sorry Princess D’nadia of the Prism Kingdom,” I said. “Now who is she?”
Donut: IF BORANT HATES THEM, THEN WHY DID THEY LET THEM SPONSOR YOU? Carl: Borant probably doesn’t have a choice. Donut: DOES THAT MEAN YOU’RE GOING TO GET REALLY GOOD STUFF? Carl: I don’t know. I hope so. But it might mean the opposite. It might mean Borant is going to try to get me killed much faster. The good thing is we make them a lot of money right now. We need to make sure we are worth more alive than dead. The last thing I wanted was to be a pawn in some intergalactic pissing match. I had enough to worry about already.
Welp
“I think my fans should have a name, wouldn’t that be great? Like the Princess Patrol or something.” I grunted. “How about the Donut Holes?” “Don’t be crude, Carl.”
a bottle of Rev-Up Magic Hair Restoration,
She sniffed. “It’s stupid. I can build fingers from other parts of me. He didn’t really chop off my fingers. I’m like clay. All I lost was a bit of flesh. I had to take a ring off of my severed finger and put it on my new fingers. But part of me is gone. I’m losing myself.” “That’s not true.” I gently tapped her forehead. “Look. The real Katia is still there. They can cut everything else off, but you’re still you. Don’t let them break you. No matter what they do. Okay?” “Okay,” she said, getting to her feet.
“I did,” Katia said as we entered the pho shop. “Mine is a princess too. It just says Princess Formidable of the Skull Empire.”
The hits just keep coming
“Oh we’re not going to hurt you,” Donut said as she jumped on board.
He doesnt want to hurt them :(
The green-tinted flesh hung off of him like a fitted sheet placed on a too-small bed.
Of all the War Mage spells soldiers encounter during the brutal, mass combat that will occur on the ninth floor, the You’re Not Done Yet spell is one of the most terrifying. Fallen soldiers—in this example a Basher Troll—are cast with the spell, and their flesh is ripped from the body. This loose skin becomes a sentient minion called a Flesher. Fleshers are oftentimes tossed across the battlefield, landing in and around the trenches of the enemy. Fleshers have one goal. To find a new set of bones.
There are rumors about oft-resleeved Symbiotes. After enough repetitions, it’s whispered they can become quite powerful. Here’s a neat tidbit of trivia. This is Levi the 7th. This quest has triggered six times now since the floor has opened.
Failure: Every crawler on the train will be turned into a Flesher.
Such beautiful leather.
Jesusssss
I’m going to...” I held up a third finger. A hole appeared in the metal plate. Fast as I could, I reached through, grasped the surprised elf-like creature by his long, silver hair, and pulled. The moment I pulled his head through the hole, Donut snapped off the spell. I let go, and the severed head dropped to the ground, mouth still open wide. “What was that, bitch? I didn’t quite get that last part,” I said.
I dont think carls cursed quite like that before. Also had the thought that the fans must have loved that but also we as the readers reading this for entertainment serve as the fans as well in this meta way
We watched as the train left the station. Levi waved as it disappeared.
Carl: All right. We’ll do it. But I won’t read the lines if they’re bullshit. Donut: YAY! Zev: Yay!
<Note added by Crawler Forkith. 20th Edition> Backpacks only slow destabilization now, not negate it. Found that out the hard way. Rest well, little sister. I pray those who read this kill an enemy in her honor today. That is all we can do, no? Her name was Barkith, and she was all I had left. I feel lost, but I will persevere.
Oof these harsh reality and human momentsjust hiiiit
I hadn’t yet had time to read his notes at the end of the book, but it struck me how someone so different, so alien, could still be so similar to me. Some things were just universal, I guessed.
Once lit, a fire is easier to stoke than it is to extinguish. Remember that. Fuck the snakes. Fuck the rats. Fuck them all. One day they will all burn, and while I’m certain I will be long dead, I will laugh. I will laugh long and hard, and I will be waiting for them on the other side of the veil where not even the vast expanse of stars or time will withhold my wrath. If you are reading this, friend, I pray you will join me. Side by side we will exact our revenge. The words, while borderline unhinged, offered comfort. Comfort I didn’t realize how much I needed.
I couldn’t help but laugh. The system labeled it as Ugly Ass Backpack With a Completely Useless Design that Only an Idiot Would Wear.
It turned out if she suddenly unequipped more than 50% of her mass all at once, her body reset itself.
“I don’t know, but that’s our jacket,” said Donut. “He didn’t even do anything to get it. It’s not fair!” “Nothing is fair,” I said.
How the hell did that little shit find the stairwells so quickly?
With that magic jacket of his, he was likely going to rocket his way up the list. “He’s a cheating poser,” Donut grumbled.
This is resulting in some premature chaos along several routes.
We are giving priority to emergency boxes where the benefactor has paid the emergency delivery fee.
“Actually,” I said. “I just got a bronze benefactor box. Hopefully you guys will get yours soon.” “And you haven’t opened it yet? Open it! Open it now! And make sure you send a note that says thank you.”
It read The Valtay Corporation, Keeping the Best of You Alive.
Taking this pill will install the following upgrade to your interface: Identify and Analyze Subspace Portals.
Warning: All communication-based upgrades will be disabled while you are within the dungeon. Any attempts to circumvent dungeon security will result in immediate disqualification.
I can see through doorways now. “Oh hell yeah,” I said.
Gonna help with the portal at the end of the line
She’d figured out how to cast the spell, and with Mongo standing right there, she could cast Clockwork Triplicate, and the two extra Mongos would appear on the other side of the hole. We’d be able to clear rooms without having to open doors.
While we walked through the club, The Sledge cast a magic protection spell on us, something he hadn’t done the last time. Our entire party glowed blue as we walked through the dancers. “He buy spell with own money,” Bomo said, the longest sentence I’d ever heard a cretin utter. “He buy for Princess protect.” “Ahh, thank you Sledgie,” Donut said, patting the rock monster on the head. She now rode on his shoulder when we entered the club. The Sledge made a grumbling, satisfied noise.
“Hey guys,” I said when I had everyone’s attention. “I want to get into everybody’s chat. I think we should all make a habit of getting the chat details of everybody we meet. If we do it enough, we can create a network where we can all pass information much more easily. It doesn’t let you make a chatroom unless everybody is connected with everybody else, which isn’t really feasible, but we need to start an information exchange so we can all trade intelligence. We think we have an idea on how to get off this floor, but I know there’s probably lots of different paths to success, and it’s
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“Look who’s talking,” I said. “You with your boots and purple mohawk nonsense.” “That’s different. Fashion is different than making someone change. You keep telling her to be herself, but you’re the one making her change the most of all.” “I…” I paused. Donut was right. But in the words of the AI, this wasn’t Dr. Phil. We didn’t have the luxury of spending all day making sure we weren’t stepping on each other’s feelings. I didn’t want to be a jerk, but I also wanted to keep her alive. “You know what, you’re right, Donut. Next time I’ll ask her.” Donut patted me on the head. “Good boy, Carl.”
The train roared through my Protective Shell. All the red-tagged monsters within were slamming against the wall of the spell and then getting pushed backward, hopefully splattering against the back of the train.
I felt the train behind me. The ground rumbled as if in an earthquake. I’m not going to make it. I jumped. I didn’t make it.
My constitution, forward momentum, that Heal spell, and the fact my invulnerable foot was what actually caught the front of the train all conspired together to make sure I clung to life.
Shattering Train Bomb Type: A steam boiler made with a shocking disregard for safety. It’s almost like they want this thing to explode. Effect: It’s a train-sized grenade that is going to detonate from extreme pressure. What do you think the effect will be? Status: Deteriorating. 75/1000 If you don’t figure this shit out in about two minutes, it’s going to be pretty damn spectacular.
Fire Brandy – Lesser Demon MILF. Level 75. Fire(wo)man of the Nightmare Express. This is a non-combatant NPC. A single mother’s gotta eat! Where one finds big ovens that need stoking, one will regularly find a Lesser Demon in control. But if it’s a fire that needs to be extra hot, the much-rarer Sheol MILFs are often employed to keep those fires sizzling. Once a pregnant Lesser Demon falls into labor, her delivery usually lasts about sixty days. During these two months, she has a litter of 15-18,000 babies, delivering one approximately every five minutes, non-stop. Only one in 10,000 Lesser
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kotzbrocken
New Achievement! Kept A Rollin’ You’re driving a train! Holy shit! Reward: I’m pretty sure the act of driving a train is a badass-enough award.
Sheol Brick If Santa gives coal to the regular naughty kids, he’d probably give this stuff to history’s greatest villains, like Hans Gruber and the guy who invented those shoes with the individual toes built in. It burns a lot hotter and a lot longer than regular coal. And when I say “a lot longer,” I mean until the end of your lifetime. So like a week or more. To save you distress, I’m not going to tell you where this came from. That was a lie! It’s a baby corpse! I dropped it in revulsion, wiping my hand on my cloak.
Only then did I notice my stats. “Holy fuckballs,” I said out loud.
New achievement! Three Cheers for Slaughter! You killed three boss monsters with the same attack! I’m starting to think your survival so far isn’t just a fluke. You’re either scary good at this, or you’re just one lucky mo-fo. Either way, holy shit. Good job. Reward: You’ve received a Platinum Big Daddy Box!
Carl: But if you’re worried, this might be a good time to field test riding Mongo. You can race down the track to see how fast you two go. Donut: CARL YOU ARE A GENIUS. Carl: You know it. Donut: CARL? Carl: Yeah? Donut: DON’T EVER DO THIS TO ME AGAIN. I THOUGHT YOU’D BEEN SQUISHED.
I had a memory, of standing on the precipice of the Grand Canyon. It was just my mom and me standing on the edge, looking off into the chasm. This had been on the way back from Texas. My father was there in the car, waiting. His presence, patiently waiting behind us was even bigger than that of the canyon spread before us. I remembered that moment at the barrier, my mom clutching tightly onto my wrist. For a moment, she clasped so much it hurt. Do you remember the circus? That was fun, wasn’t it? You’re hurting me. I know, honey. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
The double meaning behind their coversation hurtsss
and that stupid souvenir hat we’d received the moment this floor started. Holy shit. That was it? All we needed to do was equip the stupid fucking train conductor hat? Carl: I’m sending this message out to everybody on my chat list. You guys aren’t going to believe this shit.
Elle: Oh you know it. Kill, kill, kill! I laughed.
