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March 10 - March 23, 2025
“Because in the hands of a sadistic bastard, a combatant can raise his power exponentially. Once it is charged up enough, its owner gets massively stronger each and every kill. I don’t think there has ever been a faction wars where the victorious army is led by a champion who doesn’t have one of these rings, amongst several other items. And those rich assholes who fight it out on the ninth floor will do anything they can to win. This sort of item can’t be brought in from the outside. But the factions can collect them if they can convince an idiot to go hunting for one on the sixth floor. And
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He smacked me, then. Thwap, right on the side of the head. He did not freeze or teleport away. If he had hit me just a little harder, it probably would’ve gone bad for him. My father used to do the same thing, though he’d done it much harder. I felt my eyes narrow.
Crawlers don’t get involved in winning or losing faction wars. They ride out the ninth floor like it’s a tornado passing by overhead. They keep their heads down, and they pray it doesn’t sweep them away. We already have one impossible task to deal with when we get to that floor. You attempting to hold onto a Divine Suffering artifact when the entire universe knows you have it is just another level of idiocy we don’t need.”
Escape Velocity is the name of the ship that discovered the worm hole to the first system where a Gleener scientific crew investigating a Primal ship graveyard came across the Vog Generation Ship. A few hundred cycles later, the Syndicate was formed.
Borant had a stake in the communications relays that are now obsolete.
All of this was interesting, but I didn’t really give a shit who was racist against who when all of them were stepping all over us. As far as I was concerned, they could all go fuck themselves. But the story itself was important to know.
“They’re laying the story on a little thick,” Donut grumbled. “I mean, really. Are we supposed to be cosplaying as terrified commuters now? Do I look like someone who would use public transportation?”
My chat was suddenly filled with people screaming for their lives.
Gwendolyn Duet: The bomber guy warned all of you dumbasses. Fall back to the train lines. Hold them at the choke points. Ronaldo Qu: He didn’t say it would happen this bad. Gwendolyn Duet: Are you on crack? This is exactly what he said was going to happen. It’s literally the exact thing he warned you about. Now clear the chat. Ronaldo Qu: Fuck you bitch.
“I’d give it all to you,” she said. “But I need to keep the fire burning nice and hot. Keep my babies happy, for as long as it will last.”
Why not use Brandy to burn them all?
“Donut, Katia! Ludacris!”
“Why is it every time there’s a big explosion, you immediately think I had something to do with it?” “Because it usually is you,” she said. “She does have a point, Carl,” Donut said.
Like when your smelly friend used to come over and play video games while you two lied about your exploits with women.
“Fuck yeah,” I said. I turned to Li Na and held up my hand. “High five.” She just looked at me. “If I touch you with my hand, you will experience excruciating pain throughout your entire body that will cause you to lose control of your bladder and bowels.” “Okay, then,” I said. “Moving on.”
Prepotente went on as if nothing had happened. “Oh, hello, Donut,” he said, brightening. “Well met. You are even more delightful in person. I’ve been wishing to meet you for some time now. We are two of a kind, you and I. From what I understand we’re the only two remaining Earth creatures in the dungeon who have gained true sapience. I was so very disappointed to learn you’d obtained access to the Desperado Club and not Club Vanquisher. I do wish to share a brandy with you some time and to discuss our unique circumstances.
Instead, I am now looking through a hole in the floor at definitive proof that humans and Neanderthals are related. Where, pray tell me, did you teleport my target to?” the goat asked. “To the abyss. Why don’t you come over here and call me a neanderthal to my face?” He screamed. “Gentlemen,” Imani said, appearing next to me. “Both of you put your dicks away. We don’t need this right now.” “I could kill you,” Prepotente said. He said it to Imani. “I could crunch on your bones and glory in the sound that they made when they splintered.” “Bitch, what?” Imani demanded, her demeanor changing on a
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“I will kill you tonight as you sleep,” Prepotente said to Miriam as he rubbed his head. I saw, then, that he had human-like fingers, though his fingernails were long and curled and black. Whatever change he’d undergone to make him intelligent was different than the one Donut had undergone. “No you won’t, sweetie,” she said. She reached over and kissed the goat on the top of the head where she’d whacked him. “Do it again,” he said a moment later. “It still hurts.” “Only if you’re a good boy. And apologize to those two.” He nodded solemnly and looked down at us. “I’m sorry I wanted to murder
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I exchanged a look with Imani, and she shook her head. The bizarre exchange told me all I needed to know about that group. We needed to stay the fuck away from them. “Did you hear that?” Donut said. “He called me delightful!”
There was a lot of that, in these last, desperate hours of the fourth floor. Cries for help. Rumors of groups in need. You will not break me. Fuck you all. You will not break me.
There are three types of deity summonings. Avoid all three.
<Note added by Crawler Forkith, 20th Edition> They may be invulnerable, but they still feel pain. They still bleed. The drivers of these bodies suffer. In honor of my sister, I pray I make it to the 12th floor just so I may slay one. I know this is but a dream, but I will look in the god’s eyes and say to him, “This is for Barkith. This is for my sister.”
Mordecai: Once he’s summoned and then unsummoned, you can bring him back right away. There’s no cooldown. You can also steal him from one summoning to a second summoning. So if he’s captured in a sigil, and a worshipper summons him again via a different means, the god will break his containment and move to the new vessel. This… this is very important to know. I learned it the hard way. The hardest way possible.
From the business side of the portal, it looked like a pool of mercury. I had an inexplicable desire to reach out and stick my hand into the pool of magic. And then it would be over. All of this would be over.
And at that moment as he disappeared, I realized with horror he’d let go of the track with his lower hand, and he had that same hand wrapped tightly around my foot. My invulnerability, I thought, as I was also pulled into the portal. I couldn’t feel his hand because my foot is numb. How fucking ironic.
The world froze. Music started to pulse. This was heavy metal. A deep, pulsing, bass-driven chugga-chugga-chugga. Ahh, fuck, I thought. A framed graphic of my face splattered into the air. The words Death Challenge! Stamped onto my face, with blood running from the words. Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a treat for you today. It’s the death of a celebrated crawler, Crawler Carl, brought to you live! Who will be the lucky monster to kill him? Who will it be? On the right, we have one of this floor’s most infamous monsters! A lost soul, some say. The current crawler-killer champion of
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The world remained frozen. In my periphery, far beyond the edge of the trainyard I saw movement. It was Donut astride Mongo, galloping full-tilt toward us. She was still far away, and she had dozens of ghouls and minions between her and me. Half were frozen in place, the other, closer half moved toward her. She fired missile after missile at them. No, I thought. Stay the fuck away. You’re just going to die, too.
“People thought I was on that ship, but my brother had already brought me into the dungeon.” He laughed. “Like I’d be stupid enough to be vulnerable like that. You gotta try harder next time, worms. The Maestro ain’t going down that easily. Oh, and rest well, mom.”
complete with a golden ring in its snout.
Weakness
I hope you said your prayers and brought the lube, because you about to get fucked from here to eternity.
Donut: CARL! CARL! WE’RE COMING!
“There you are, Piglet,” Grull-Maestro growled. The words were as loud as the end of the world.
And hed know
Katia: Shut up and listen.
When she landed, she stood next to a familiar figure. Me. It was me.
Oh nooo
“Glurp, glurp, motherfucker,” I said before I collapsed in an exhausted heap.
“You’re right,” I said. I looked up at the ceiling. “That had to be really embarrassing. I bet even the mom would’ve done a better job. Too bad she died instead of him.”
Elle cocked her head to the side. “Sometimes I think you’re cheating, Carl. How do you know all this stuff? It’s like you have one of those teacher’s editions with all the answers in the back.” “He does,” Donut said before I could think of an answer. “His name is Mordecai.”
You should figure out a way to use that nuke you have in your inventory. I bet that’d clear out the abyss.” “I’m saving that for something very specific,” I said.
System Message. A champion has fallen. A bounty has been claimed. We all looked at one another. Imani: Are you guys all right? Bautista: You okay? Carl: Not us.
Donut: CARL. IF THEY BLOW UP THE TRAIN AND NOT YOU THEN YOU WON’T GET THE EXPERIENCE. Carl: That’s okay, Donut. Sometimes it’s not always about the experience.
“Carl,” Brandy said as I stepped off the train. “I understand now. I understand what this is. You must help us. I know you have your own people to help, but we shouldn’t be enemies in this.” “No,” I agreed. “No, we shouldn’t.”
I remained there, staring at the empty space where the portal once was. Fire Brandy had just killed herself to save her from losing more children. Tizquick had killed himself because his daughter had been a lie. I thought of my own mother, who’d attempted to kill my father and then herself as a goddamned birthday present to me. She’d only half succeeded. I thought of everybody here with me now. They’d all jumped into certain death, just to save me. Me. I couldn’t have survived without them. All my life, I’d felt alone. And now, at the edge of the apocalypse, I finally realized how much I
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“You shouldn’t have done that, Donut,” I said as I reached up and scratched her. “You risked yourselves, and you risked the cart.” “I wasn’t just going to abandon you, Carl,” Donut said. “Who do you think I am? Miss Beatrice?” “No,” I agreed. “You most definitely are not.”
I moved to step down the stairs, but they suddenly turned into a ramp. I turned to see a familiar crawler pushing a squeaking shopping cart. Agatha.
Here’s the thing. These poor bastards are just as much victims as we are. Not just the NPCs, but the mobs, too. That doesn’t mean don’t kill them. Hell, I realized something today. Killing them is actually the best thing we can do for them. But you know what I also realized? All of you, all twenty-four of you who have come before me? You’ve all failed in one thing. If we’re really going to burn this place to the ground, we need to actually do it and not just talk about it. We need to start killing them, too. I don’t know for sure how to do it yet, but I’ll come up with something. They will not
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“Your inventory is open for twenty seconds.
“Yeah, I have a question,” Donut said. “Why don’t you take your ugly…”
Everyone is interested to see what happens next, especially after the sixth floor when the loot floodgates open.
“What about Eva?” Odette asked. “Her riding the front of the train and almost…” Odette suddenly went mute. Loita (Admin): Hang on, guys. We’re informing Odette’s people to end this topic.
We’re talking as friends. It’s not about the crawl. It’s not like I warned them that Chris…” Odette went mute.
Your opponents will be the Dirigible Gnomes. In order to pass this level, you must storm their castle in the sky, known as the Wasteland Fortress.
