If We Were Us

by K.L. Walther

If Charlie is really going to accept himself, and be himself, it needs to be now, among all the people who love him.”

“Because it’s exactly what I want,” he replied. “I told you: I want to get out of here, I want somewhere big, I want…” “Him,” I guessed. “You want him.”

We don’t want to be apart.

“It’ll pass, Charlie,” I added. “Everyone loves you, no matter who you are. It’ll pass.” Again, Charlie didn’t respond. He just cried harder.

Oh fantastic

Luke had silently picked himself up off the ground. “I’m bleeding,” he said, voice devoid of anything. It made the hair on my neck stand up.

“No, it wasn’t.” He backed away from me. “No, it fucking wasn’t.”

because Luke and I didn’t lie to each other.

all in Luke’s handwriting, from whenever he’d been in my room. The one I was holding said: You are my entire heart.

“Best Bromance,” I whispered, hardly feeling him stomp on my foot. CHARLIE CARMICHAEL & LUKE MORRISSEY were the first two names in the category.

Which could mean nothing

I grinned. “I love you, Nicholas Carmichael.” Which made Nick grin back, dimple and all. “I love you too, Sage Morgan,” he murmured and leaned close, so close his lips brushed mine. “And now I’m gonna kiss you good night.”

“But I’ve got you,” Nick said, trapping me in a hug before pretty much pushing me onto the train. “I’ve always got you.”

“Yes, you are. This is only one part of you, and it won’t change how we feel about you. We love you. We’ll always love you.”

“Yeah, he is.” I sort of smiled back. “But also a major smart-ass.” My heart flickered, then flamed. I took a deep breath. “I love him.”

“To you,” he said. “To you, my son. You are a stronger man than I will ever be.” We clinked glasses. “I love you, Charlie,” he told me. “I love you very much.”

Charlie (10) and a (sleepy!) new friend at Cousin Banks’s christening party! And there we were: Luke and me. You’ve met, my mind nudged me as I soaked in the picture. You’ve met before.

undeniably, even eerily us.

Sick and twisted

I was wearing these navy pants with green alligators embroidered on them, and Luke had on a blue-and-white sweater vest and his glasses.

Luke wasn’t even aware the picture was being taken, because he was asleep with his head on my shoulder.

I wasn’t really looking at the camera, instead, grinning down at a dreaming Luke. Our legs were entwined, and he held one of my hands.

Look at that, I would say. That’s us.

I am in love with him, I thought.

I didn’t let him finish. Instead, I hugged him, burying my face in his warm neck and slumping against him. It was the same sort of hug I’d given him back in November, the night we decided to be together, and later, the same sort of hug I gave him after a long day.

“I’m proud of you, C,” he whispered. “Really fucking proud.”

A few beats, and then: “So, what shall we do now?” “Be us,” I said.

Luke raised an eyebrow. “With me?” “Yeah, with you,” I said, smiling. “I’m yours, Luke.” “Well, that’s very cool,” he replied. “Because the feeling’s mutual.” He grinned. “You’re mine, C.” “And everyone’s gonna know it,” I told him. Then I kissed him with everything I had.

It was never casual

When our headmaster started in on Charlie’s “illuminating personality,” I squeezed Luke’s hand and felt a burst of something inside me. “He’s amazing,” I whispered. “He’s taken,” Luke whispered back.

“Thank you, to that person”—he smiled—“who has been with me since before I can even remember. Your endless support and eye rolls mean more to me than I can say, and I consider myself so lucky to know you.”

“Did you hear that?” I asked Luke. “Yes.” He nodded, unable to suppress a smile as he folded his arms over his chest. “And it was not in the original version.”

The stance, the girls and I called it, since Luke and Charlie stood like this all the time.

“Okay, Chluke, break it up,” Paddy said as Nick whistled, coming up to us with his own cigar in hand. Chluke was his nickname for the boys. Luke claimed he hated it, but Charlie’s face rivaled the sun whenever Paddy said it, eyes crinkling so hard.

He’d already unknotted his tie, and his black eye was long gone now.

because no one went up against Charlie Carmichael.

“Ice,” he told us. “I’m going to find some ice.”

Ate, i fear

Because within the flock, there was now the squad, the four of us. Charlie and Luke and Nick and Sage.

At the thought, I quickly turned and kissed Nick’s cheek before the flash went off. “Nicky, over here!” Mrs. Carmichael called out after a few clicks. “Look at the camera!” Everyone laughed, but my heart rippled. Because I could feel him looking at me.

Then Luke Morrissey smirked at me, and in that deadpan delivery of his, said: “We have terrible taste in boyfriends.”

Hardy, I don’t care if you think releasing your name is a security risk.

and letting me stay up late to read another chapter.