If We Were Us

by K.L. Walther

“You’re in love with me, huh?” I exhaled. “That’s the diagnosis, yes.” His whole face lit up. “I’m sorry to hear that.” “Yeah, I can tell.” I smiled. “Well, I’m in,”

His eyes widened. “Pandora’s?” “What else?” Luke sighed happily. “You’re such a prince.” “Not a psychopath?” “I might’ve been a little quick to judge.”

I raised an eyebrow and zapped Luke’s side. “Charming?” “Charming.” He smirked and leaned in to kiss me again—right after whispering, “Your crown’s in the closet.”

Jack shrugged. “Certified online.” Then he smiled at her, and she quickly ruffled his hair. They’d been a thing ever since homecoming.

Cuuute

“Yes.” Charlie snapped his fingers. “Yes, that. I slipped.” “On a banana peel.” “Right, as one does in Mario Kart.”

Lmaooo

No, I’d think, scared shitless. No one can know.

Brb killing myself

(but then later in his room, he declared hockey was the best sport and threw himself at me).

Luke glanced up from his book. “Then don’t be,” he said. “If you don’t want to be held captive, C, then don’t be. It’s your life.” He kneed me again. “They’ll understand.”

Well damn

She wasn’t just fooling around with him, I realized once her hand found mine under the table. Whatever they had, it meant as much to her as it did to Nick.

He actually liked her; this was more than just a homecoming date.

NOO NONO N.O. NO!

We were all over each other about two seconds after Luke’s door slammed shut, once the lock had clicked into place.

“I love you,” I whispered later. “I really fucking love you.” Luke’s hand found mine. “That’s very cool,” he whispered back, entwining our fingers. “Because the feeling’s mutual.”

No, please don’t, I thought. I want this. I love this. I miss this. Don’t let go.

but before he pulled away he murmured in my ear, “I would’ve liked us to be together too.”

And what if...this was my final straw

“And your guy’s feeling good tonight.” “Is he?” I arched an eyebrow.

“But we can’t go there,” I said, feeling the back of my neck heat up. “It’ll seem like we’re on a date.” Luke sighed. “Well, that’s the point. We should go on a date. A real date.”

Dont do this to me

You don’t have to tell everyone at once, he texted later, after I’d brushed my teeth and gotten into bed. But start with Nick, and soon. Please.

Damn

“He’s been looking at you again.” My heart skipped. “What?”

We’d watched To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before that night,

LOVE

I’d never heard Charlie sound this romantic—this invested.

as Charlie buttoned up his peacoat for him, then affectionately smoothed its sleeves.

“And that’s the best part.” He sighed. “Luke loves me, but he’s not hypnotized by me.” His eyes were crinkling in the streetlight’s glow. “You know what I mean?”

Wow.

Charlie took another deep breath, and when he tried to disentangle his hand from mine, I held on tight. “You’re perfect, Charlie,” I whispered, feeling him quake with nerves. “Absolutely perfect, and I love you. Always.”

The type of snow that Luke loved: feathery flakes. We were lying on the MAC’s roof back in December, letting a layer cover us. “This is my favorite,” he’d whispered. “The gods are having a pillow fight.”

Nick was quiet, processing. “It’s Morrissey, isn’t it? Luke?”

“But it makes sense,” he added, “because they’re together all the time, and Charlie acts different around him…protective.”

I thought of the quiet, but firm way Charlie stood next to Luke in the out-of-control line at the Tuck Shop,

“Ah,” I said, feeling a rush of relief. They’d talked, they were talking. Hopefully that meant I hadn’t royally screwed things up between them, that they could work their way back to each other.

“You’ve had to listen to us talk about girls for forever, and that must suck. So I’m all ears. What’s he actually like?”

Aww

There was no picture, only a message: Shouldn’t you be in that picture too?

“I like this,” he whispered. “Me too,” I whispered back. We didn’t let go until our food came.

I ignored him, instead asking some early-bird tourists to take our picture. Luke straightened his new VIRGINIA hat before I draped my arm around his neck, and he reached up to twine our fingers together. Our photographers looked a little taken aback, but then the woman told us to smile. I already was.

“There were people everywhere, and they knew we were together, and I liked that.

knowing that the people we passed knew that we were us.

He means so much to me, and I want people to know that.”

A lump formed in my throat, since it was another testament of how much he loved Luke. Those bracelets were Charlie’s, and Charlie’s alone. He never let anyone else wear them.

I grinned. Nick had never been the best flirt, but I loved flirting with him. I’d forgotten how fun it was.

Practice had been seriously grueling, and all I wanted to do was tangle myself with Luke and watch Survivor.

It was the summer I’d realized Nick had feelings for Sage. She was smiling at the camera, but he was smiling at her.

“She glows, Nick,” I murmured. “She glows around you.”

He glanced at the ground. “I hope so.” “Hey.” I touched his arm. “Tell me you’re kidding.” But he wasn’t, face looking pretty miserable when we made eye contact again. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

Damn

But there’s this person, I shut my eyes. There’s this person I love with everything I’ve got. And right now he’s asleep in my bed, because my voice is the last thing he wants to hear before going to sleep, and my favorite thing on earth is waking up to see him smiling at me.

It was glowing. The dock was glowing,

“Sage?” Nick asked quietly. “What do you think?” “Yes,” I said, laughing away my tears as our eyes locked. “Hell, yes!”

“Us,” Nick rephrased. “I want us to try again. For real this time.” He shifted in his seat, shifting the kayak. “I love you.”

and I want us to be fanatic hockey parents together someday. I want us to throw our neighborhood’s annual Fourth of July cookout someday.”

Nick waved back, but I didn’t. I just grinned and threw my arms around him so we could kiss for all to see. I heard Reese say to Jack, “I fucking knew it.”

But the line was silent for five long seconds, before I heard my best friend say in this trembling voice, “Please come, Sage.” He let out a choking sob. “I really need you.” My heart dropped about ten million stories. “Charlie, where’s Luke?” More uneven breathing and hiccups, and then, “Just please come.” “I will.” I nodded quickly. “Where are you?” “My room.” “Okay, I’m on my way. Calm down. I’m coming as fast as I can.”

Well im done

“He broke up with me,” he kept repeating, over and over, while I’d tried so hard to calm him down…but to no avail.

“Please don’t do this,” I whispered. “Don’t give up on him. He loves you. So much.”