If We Were Us

by K.L. Walther

“I want something different,”

I’m tired of being in a fishbowl.”

“I need something di...

“You want a big pond,” he said. “You want to be swallowed up.”

8/15?”

Twinnnnnn

“Did you get me a birthday present?”

He had the best laugh, one that could always make you smile. One you wanted to record so you could use it as your ringtone.

“Sounds like the birthday boy’s all tuckered out.”

“I like hearing you talk.”

“Really?” He sounded amused. I nodded against my pillow. “Yeah.” “I’m not completely hopeless on the phone?”

“I wish you were here,” I said. “It would’ve been better with you here.”

“I miss you too.”

you automatically fix your hair and try your best not to stare at him every ten seconds, and when you’re not looking at him, he’s looking at you.”

“I think boys are just as cute as you do.”

“Because you’re the first person to ever outright ask me that question.”

“Keiko Morrissey is the cat’s pajamas.”

“I wanted to see you,” he said. “And you weren’t gonna come to me, so…”

It took me a second to respond. I didn’t know what to say. Nick and his mom watching rom-coms on the couch together? Cutest thing ever.

No, I thought, heart beginning to race. Nobody should have to hide in there.

“I mean, it’d be much more fun if Nina were Shawn Mendes, but…” He smoothly trailed off, and my heart began running faster than we were. Much more fun if Nina were Shawn Mendes. Holy crap, I thought. He did it, just like that.

Shawn Mendes is soooooo real

expecting Luke—fuck, hoping for Luke—but

his laugh made my heart jump. It was the best sound.

I love your laugh, appeared in a blue bubble.

AWWW

We made eye contact again, and Luke looked like I felt: scared as shit. I could see the nervousness in his eyes as I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded.

“Because I like you, Charlie,” he added. “I like you so much…” He hesitated. “And I really hope you feel the same way.”

OMGGGGGG

“You’re my friend,” I repeated, nodding like I actually believed it. I blinked, not wanting him to see I was now crying.

NOOOOO

Luke stood too. “Charlie, wait…” But I didn’t wait. I shook him off, and then left him there in the dark.

NO NO NO

Something had to have happened, since Charlie started avoiding Luke since then. He ate every meal with the hockey guys now.

Then I laughed as he curved his arm around my waist so he could pick me up and smoothly swing me forward. “Thanks for the warning.” Nick kissed my forehead. “I do what I can.”

I nodded, but then noticed he was looking at Luke, not me.

“I’m sorry, Sage, but I can’t. I can’t do this anymore. I want you, but not if you don’t want me.”

NOO THIS IS SICK

I’ve dated, but have never had what you and Nick have.”

Love, I realized. Love, but a love I wasn’t sure I was ready for. A love that scared me right now.

“It hurts,” he translated, and hugged me again before adding, “But things will get better. Things will be good again.”

Awwww

What matters is that you’ve wrecked him. He’s a mess. I went by his room last night, and he told me about you two, but wouldn’t even let me inside. Locked the door and everything.”

“You told me to stay, saying that you didn’t want to be alone, that you couldn’t be alone, and that you feel like you’re always alone…” He paused. “Unless I’m with you.”

“Because I think about you all the time.” “Likewise,” he said.

Sick and twisted

“Oh, shut up, Nicholas!” I’d laughed, and then kissed him. He grinned and pinched my side, making me giggle more. “I love that.” He was flushed once we broke apart. “I love your laughter.”

My heart fluttered. Here we go, I thought. We’re doing it, we’re fixing it— “That’s what makes us good friends,” he continued, plastering on that stupid no-teeth smile again. “We’re such good friends.” Such good friends.

Ohhhh and we crashed and burned

You’re the love of my life… I’ve known it for a while now. More than anything, I want to marry you someday. I want us to play street hockey with our kids in the driveway and teach them to bike mountain trails. I want to be that old couple who wins every bocce ball match at our Florida condo complex. And that’s why I can’t be your girlfriend right now. We’re too young for it all to begin.

Holy shit

“I don’t know what to do.” He wavered, fear in his voice. “I have no idea what to do.” I kissed his shoulder. Silence. “He said he loves me,” Charlie whispered. “Before we hung up, he told me.”

Omgggg

Charlie took a deep breath. “Yeah, I love him,” he said. “I’ve been a goner for him since the day we met.”

Oh god

All I noticed was that Luke wasn’t there. Not feeling great, he’d texted our group chat. Out for tonight.

He is so Nick Nelson coded

Because Luke hadn’t always been paying attention in class or at dinner. Even he could be a space cadet.

Awwww

And again, silence, but then, “I’m thinking about how I’m in love with you.”

“Yes, fine.” I picked myself up off the ground. I hoped it wasn’t obvious my whole body was shaking. Now get out of my way.

I stood in front of his door for a long time, probably five minutes. And then I dared myself to knock. “My butler’s out sick!” Luke called from inside. “Open it yourself!”

Christmas was his favorite holiday.

and hugged him. Really, really hugged him. Both arms around him and burying my face in his neck. And Luke was very still for a beat before he started hugging me back. I sort of slumped against him. “I’m sorry for taking so long,” I repeated. “But I’m all set now.”

“Please. Let’s be together. I’m in love with you. I’ve known we were going to be something since before we even met, when I heard you talking on the phone…” I squeezed his hand. “I’ve been all over the place, but this time, I’m ready.” I paused. “That is, if you still want.”