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Farrow Hale – 29
😍😍😍
I’m terrified of the day I lose this. Being his bodyguard. Because it’ll be like going from a hundred million miles an hour to being glued to the ground. I’ve been at Charlie’s speed for so long, I don’t know how to stop anymore.
I’ve come face-to-face with the Cobalts, who are just as messy, just as dysfunctional, just as chaotic as my family still is. And it made me love the Cobalt Empire even more.
So they still walk on water, but I’m one of several men who picks their asses out of a Great Lake when they slip and begin to drown.
The Most Embarrassing Moment of Oscar Oliveira’s Life
💀
Jack isn’t a guy that overthinks what he’s about to say. He has the charisma of the fucking sun. That big blazing ball that is hoisted in the sky and everyone leaves their house to bask in its rays.
We’re all a lot of where we come from, just as much as we are the people who raised us and who we’ve met along the way.
Whenever I’ve envisioned my future, there’s always been a wife at the end. But at night, my mind wanders to him. I wake up with a massive hard-on that only goes away when I stroke myself thinking about him.
I wonder what it’d be like to run my hand across his body, his chest, his unshaven jaw. To hold his face and kiss him. He’s masculine. Hard. Muscled. What am I doing?
“You know, I’d ask you if you find something you like,” Oscar says, trying to be casual but I hear the strained endnote. “But we’ve already covered that. You’re straight, right?”
🥴🥴🥴
Oscar entered the picture, and my flirty jokes and banter that I have with just about everyone felt different with him. I would anticipate it happening again and again. My heart would float like I was breathing in helium. I felt… I feel…
You’re straight, right? he asked. I nod slowly. FYI: I feel chicken-shit scared in this moment. To believe one thing for so long about myself and then have to reassess is not even close to easy.
“I think you’re hot, but I think a lot of people are hot. Me asking you for a kiss isn’t a big deal. We don’t need to make it a big deal.” My stomach overturns. Disappointment. Devastation. Wrapped up nicely in a little ball.
Some part of me is instinctively saying, keep this guy in the loop. Keep him with you. Keep him close.
Look at me, willingly floating towards the sun like Icarus. If I get too close, I deserve melted-wings and a hundred-foot plummet.
“I can’t talk about it” gets stale fast, and last thing I want is to be stale bread to the person I’m dating. Not when I’m a motherfucking feast.
To do something to earn Oscar Oliveira. Because I’m an overachiever? Because I like him? Because being on the outs with him fucking sucks, and even though I’m afraid of what I feel, I can’t bail. I have to ride the terrifying swell to shore and hope I don’t drown.
“So you do like my questions?” He shakes his head slowly, and a smile creeps over his mouth. “I didn’t say that, Long Beach.” Long Beach. His tone is sweeter with me when he uses that nickname. It does something to my heartbeat.
“I did schedule a trash-talking for later this evening,” I say lightly. “I’ll let you know what time not to be there.” “Oh I’ll be there,” he says into a grin. “I don’t think I’ve heard you say a mean thing about one person. Ever. I’m not missing the moment a sunshine turns into a raincloud, even at my expense.” My cheeks hurt from grinning like him. “Did you just call me a sunshine?”
Cobalts place the bar so high for themselves, they can’t see the ground anymore.
Spending so much time with these famous families, I’ve seen them beyond their fame and money, and I’ve found pieces of each of them that I relate to.
They also say that about Quinn, his brother—but I’m not interested in Quinn like that. Like what, dude?
“Did you two duke it out over a girl or something?” I don’t know why that knots my chest. His shoulders rise. “If we did, he can have the girl. I’d rather just have my brother.”
“I’m a genius who doesn’t give a shit.” His yellow-green eyes flash to me. “I’ll edit her tentacle smut without batting an eye, and I don’t think the same thing can be said for her older brother.”
“It was worth it.” Is that the measure of our actions? Whether they’re worth something for the people we care about?
I’m not straight. I can’t be straight with how drawn to him I’ve been. With how aroused I become, and the attraction is too clear to deny or question. Those clouds are gone.
“I’m doing it for you, you know. The show, the one about my life.”
“I know you hate the Oslie rumors as much as me,” Charlie says. “I know you barely have time to date because you’re following me around the world—” “It’s my job, Charlie. I made that choice.” He glares up at the stars. “No one deserves to have their life attached to mine.”
“I like it now,” I retort. “I’m not coming back. I’m staying.”
“Then I made the right decision with this show. Aunt Lily always says she can predict love, but she has nothing on me.” With another drag of his cigarette, his eyes ping between Jack and me.
“You’re trying to fucking set me up?” I ask angrily, and I refrain from adding with a straight guy.
Charlie shrugs. “Whatever happens, happens. Maybe you two could just be friends. All I know is you’re lonely, and Jack looks lonely.”
Jack laughs, a bright smile cresting his features. He’s smiling? I do a double-take, surprised by Highland again, that he’s taking this in good humor. “I...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
What I’ve learned in my thirty-two years, there are some fights not worth stewing over. Tomorrow is another day.
“I am fine, Oscar.” “Yeah, I know.” I’ve heard it a million-and-one times. But nothing really changes. As long as I’m protecting Charlie, there’s going to be a large part of me that has to protect him from himself. He’s not the only self-destructive client, but he’s the one who runs the most laps around the world.
Yeah, my daydreams definitely don’t put Oscar Oliveira in friendship territory. I’m not straight. I’ve known that for the past two weeks. Since the flight to Paris.
And I’m starting to realize my future map can have multiple destinations that I can drive down. Husband. Wife. Spouse. It feels better to take the question marks off those possible futures. Less like staring down the street into dense fog. More like staring at forks in a path.
“I feel like I’m breaking up with the guy,” I admit to Farrow, tipping the beer to my lips. “And all we’ve done is flirt like kindergarteners.” “Man, what kindergarteners do you know that understand blow-job euphemisms?”
Farrow and I don’t have to dive into the weeds in order to get deep. With few words, we reach that place, and we both drink our beers and bathe in the hot summer sun. I’m glad to have good friends that’ll be with me when I crash and burn.
How Maximoff and Charlie seemed more like actual fist-bumping friends at the lake house last week. They sat on the dock talking for about an hour. All of us on SFO theorized about what: “Religion,” Banks guessed. “Sports,” Thatcher said. Akara nodded. “Sports.” “Dingle-berries,” Donnelly said. Everyone laughed. “Plato, probably,” Farrow threw out. “Ditto, add in Confucius,” I said.
Joy is a feeling I live for, and my joyful ass cried too.
I watch the dumpster fire for another five minutes. Sulli keeps running into Banks and Akara’s wet bare chests, bodies and limbs colliding left and right, and the more they do, the more flustered she’s becoming. Her breath looks shortened, and I’d bet a crisp hundred it’s not from physical activity.
“Not my business.” “I don’t know how you do it, bro.” It’s not my business either, but it’s in my face and I see it. So give me the popcorn.
same Oscar same
Farrow opens his mouth, about to slingshot another excuse, but I locate my vocal cords. Loudly, I declare to everyone, “I’d rather not see Highland right now.”
💀💀💀
“Orion, you know fucking better,” Sulli says, and then tells me, “Luna says her dog is trying to commune with his star people and that’s why he tries to leave.” I laugh. “Yeah, what’s Carpenter’s excuse?” “He’s a little shit-stirrer.” Sulli smiles.
“Of course, you wouldn’t,” he says gruffly. “This doesn’t really affect you, does it?” I stiffen. “What is that supposed to mean?” I feel very affected by the prospect of a romantic set-up with Oscar. I’ve barely slept in the past two weeks! I keep thinking about him. I can’t stop thinking about him.
“Stop!” My two hands are on my head. “I can’t stop!” His voice is anguished. “I need out!” “I like you!” I yell from my gut, from my heart. “I like you, Oscar!”
“You’re right, I’m not upset by the set-up. Because I like you.” I speak from the core of my being that I never reached until recently. Until I was twenty-seven and fell for him. Maybe I’ve been falling for even longer. I just couldn’t piece it all together.
“I like you so fucking much that the idea of losing what we have makes me sick. I don’t want to shut the door on possibly the greatest opportunity of my life, and it’s right here—it’s you.”
I never considered being in love, falling in love, finding love a sky-high opportunity that I should chase. But I guess I just never found someone worth chasing.
