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I’m dreading the moment where we arrive at my apartment. Not because I have to see Jesse, but because I’ll be saying goodbye to Oscar. He’s my central core of comfort right now, and to leave that behind sounds agonizing.
“You know, if I really sat down with my feelings for longer than a few minutes, I think I’d know that I’m attracted to people. Flat-out. No matter the sex or gender. It’s probably always been like that, but I cut myself off to anything outside of my narrowed frame of what I thought my life would look like.”
“I’m trying to hold onto what you told me about my sexuality having nothing to do with where I’ve been or what I’ve done. It’s just who I’m attracted to. But sometimes I feel like if I call myself pansexual, I’d just be a fraud. Like I don’t serve the label well enough. I’m twenty-seven. I’m too late to the party.”
“You aren’t too late. Do what you feel without letting judgment cast you aside. So whatever label you choose—or don’t choose, you don’t have to have one—don’t let anyone take that from you. Live your truth. And if someone tries to check...
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I can’t look away from him. He’s hot as hell when he’s defending me. “You’re Team Jack Highland?”
“Let’s put it this way—whatever president was sitting at the top of the Jack Highland fan club has been dethroned by me.”
My heart swells. “What a coincidence. The Oscar Oliveira fan club preside...
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Oscar notices. “Is there something that helps you stay on the bright side?”
We coast and sing, and I let his affection and the melodies calm the outside noise that fights its way in. Don’t let it in.
“I thought you exchanged numbers with Winona after the Fun Run?” “I thought so too, but she gave me the number to some Wildlife Conservation fund.”
JANE We love you & support you 100%!! If we can do anything to curb the bad press, let us know. – Jane MOFFY Here for u. Whatever u need. Call us and we’ll be there – Moffy SULLI So sorry this is fucking happening to you. Swim & donuts one day you’re free?
I love them 😭
“You can still back out. This is day one. You’re not in that deep.” I laugh like he has no idea. “Yeah I am.” My feelings…can’t walk away from those. And he’s the safe place right now.
Who I thought I’d end up with has been swept aside to leave a more beautiful reality of the man I’m falling for.
I like Highland too much in my company, even more when clouds start shielding his sunshine. Because I just want to cheer him up somehow.
DONNELLY Get that ass! And fuck the haters. You’re fire. Jack is fire. Together, you’re a big ball of fire
💀💀💀
“Why the long face?” Farrow asks me as he pops a bubble gum bubble. “Did Jack thumbs-down your dick pic?” Donnelly asks, half-concentrated on drawing cherries in his sketchbook.
We’re dating. My pulse skips in anticipation of where that’ll lead us, practically giddy. The more I’m around Oscar, the more enchanted I feel—and
“Are you filming me, Long Beach?” “You’re in my frame,”
“Prettiest part of the setting so far. What do you have to say, Oscar Oliveira?”
“That it’s not possible to be the prettiest part of the setting when I’m looking at the prettiest thing here.”
I take another glimpse of the midnight sun. “The brightest light shining during the darkest hour,” I smile. “That’s pretty good.” “I’m only doing my best work with you, Long Beach.” I smile, but my lips fall gradually. “What happens when the light dims? You’ll still be interested then?” “Oh yeah.” Oscar nods. “I’m every star circling around you. You need a spark, I’m there.” He says it like a promise.
I’m always a positive force for others, and to have someone be mine is everything and more.
“It makes it easy when I love the cock I’m sucking. And the guy.” I smile more. Is he saying he loves me? Probably not. But I’ll always pocket Oscar’s praises, just like I know he won’t throw away mine.
For one, I know way too much about Charlie’s sex life. He’s told me countless times, “I cum on women. Not in them.”
cum on me Charlie
Charlie, we met at that thing back in June and hooked up. I’m pregnant. I would love to have you in this baby’s life. I can’t imagine you not being by my side during this time. I don’t need money. I just need you. Please contact me any way you can.
lmao okay sure Jan
A Secret about Akara Kitsuwon: my college-friend raved about Akara for four weeks after they hooked up. He restrained her to a headboard with rope and made her come five times.
Beckett frowns and gracefully one-eighties to face her. “What are you doing?” He has that iconic what the fuck face that has been meme’d to death on Reddit.
“Oh sorry,” Joana says like she’s not sorry at all. “I was looking for the mattress that’s always attached to your back.” Charlie chokes on his champagne.
Beckett’s brows rise at Joana. He looks her up and down. “I’d say the same for you, but you seem like the kind of girl who ...
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More and more every single day, I love the foundation of our relationship. Built on encouragement and love and support. Knowing that he’ll be my biggest fan and I’ll be his is a beautiful fucking thing.
“I need to send him about fifteen I’m so fucking sorry gift baskets. I won’t even eat the cookies out of them this time.”
Jack rehashed my sister’s run-in with Beckett Cobalt at the golf course, and I considered penning Beckett a letter entitled: Flirting Etiquette 101: Stop Flirting with Joana Oliveira
I almost wish he’d have his camera out. Film us. Our genuine feel-good love. It’s worthy of the spotlight. He’s not background. Neither am I.
All time. Not for a short time, not a long time. But for all fucking time. That’s going to be us. If we can get through the tough parts. I’d bet on it.
Reading it again, it sounds like I’m asking for sex. Don’t care. I do want to fuck him. As well as talk to him. And stare at him. Jesus fuck, I’d take standing in the same room as him. Being in Oscar’s presence isn’t even a want at this point. It’s a need. I need him.
Tom edges forward in the booth. “When are we finding this Tye Smith guy?” he asks his question. “Because I propose we put bees in his locker. I know a dude—”
of course Tom has a bee guy
Tom twirls the plastic hammer. “Okay, but the bees—” “No,” Farrow and Maximoff say together. “I’m in,” I say, digging into a pint of Rocky Road. Tom snaps his finger to me. “We’ve got one.”
Maximoff blinks like his brain just malfunctioned. “I’m sorry, I just realized we have way too many Slytherins in this group.”
“Whoa! Uh-huh…these stay near me, meu raio de sol.” His eyes soften at the nickname, letting go of the chips too easily. “What does that mean exactly?” I toss another chip in my mouth. “My sunshine.”
Right here, inside the most beautiful palace, next to the most beautiful man, I come to a clear understanding. I have zero regrets.
Silent tears slide down his cheek. His eyes flit from me to Oscar and back to me. “What does love feel like?”
Love? All I know is my love for Oscar carries me like the water. A feeling of invincibility. The patience as the ocean laps underneath my body. The anticipation as the perfect wave rolls near. The cool excitement and power as I stand up. As I ride those impossible swells, and once I’m in the barrel, all the doubts and fears wash away. Leaving a bright burst of indescribable bliss. That is his love to me.
“I sometimes think that maybe it’ll stop one day. This feeling inside me…frustration…all the fucking time.” He blinks into more tears. “But it never really goes away, and…it has to be drowned out by something stronger. Either…pain or love.”
“If intelligence is a ladder,” he tells me softly, “Charlie’s trapped at the top. And it’s a frustrating place to be.”
“I have all of you. Charlie gets Work Oscar. Bodyguard Oscar. Which is a very particularly endearing version of you, but it’s not the complete package. You’ve given me all of you.”
“I love you so fucking much, and having that type of negativity attached to a marriage feels crushing. You deserve confetti and congratulations and every good thing that comes with this type of announcement.”
I’m thanking every star and moon and sun for sending him to me.
“The deal was dope, too. Some girl offered to give it to me. All I had to do was spit in her mouth.”
“Cobalts who slay together, stay together,” Donnelly says as he leaves, throwing up a hand gesture that means love you.
“Here’s the thing, Os, you’d put all your money on me no matter what.” He stretches out his legs. “You’re the president of my fan club.”
