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by
David Deida
In our new world, a man’s presence—his depth of awareness—is his most valuable asset.
A profound and steady gaze conveys truth more than furtive eyes. Full, even breathing is trusted more than shallow, jittery gasps. A man grounded in the unfathomable mystery of life, in touch with death’s vastness—rather than merely flitting from one busy surface activity to another—is sourced in his depth.
You are cultivating a steady “yes” toward this moment, even in the midst of death’s ever-present mystery, or you are afraid to feel all and live as unknowable openness.
Identified with money or accomplishments, a man feels weak when he compares himself to others who have more. But when he knows himself to be self-radiant awareness, conscious and lit up, awakening as man, he blooms in perfect harmony with the immense energy of reality. The infinite force of now is his power and his presence.
Your capacity to embody this profound force of presence in your gaze, breath, and action determines your perceived value, sexually and financially.
Live completely. Know your deepest purpose. Give the gift you were born to give. Enjoy sex as a cosmic portal into love’s wonders. Serve your friends so they may grow. And, through the inevitable cycles of breathtaking success and gut-wrenching despair, when you have mastered and outgrown the challenges of women, work, and sexual desire, be willing to forget you were ever born.
So, here’s my summation for a new preface: Stop waiting. Feel everything. Love achingly. Give impeccably. Let go.
This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth.
He simply lives from his deepest core, fearlessly giving his gifts, feeling through the fleeting moment into the openness of existence, totally committed to magnifying love.
Chances are, if you are reading this book, you are more balanced than your parents were.
Sexual attraction is based on sexual polarity, which is the force of passion that arcs between masculine and feminine poles.
men and women are clinging to a politically correct sameness even in moments of intimacy, then sexual attraction disappears.
The “mission” or the search for freedom is the priority of the masculine, whereas the search for love is the priority of the feminine.
chocolate and ice cream—or a good romantic drama—will do. The masculine wants to feel the bliss of a life lived at the edge, and if he doesn’t have the balls to do it himself, he’ll watch it on TV, in sporting events and cop shows.
This book is a guide to shedding pretense and living true to your core, specifically for people who have a masculine sexual essence and their feminine essenced lovers who have to deal with them.
When these polarities are lessened due to family and work obligations, sexual attraction is diminished, along with spiritual depth and physical health.
Love is openness, through and through. And true spirituality is the practice of love, the practice of openness.
So, as a culture, we have advanced in terms of personal freedom, sexual equality, and social rights, but we have remained spiritually thwarted and afraid.
For the sake of individual autonomy and social fairness, with only good intentions in mind, we have erroneously begun to deny, smooth out, and neutralize our masculine and feminine differences.
If you have a masculine sexual essence then you would probably admit, if you were being brutally honest, that your intimate relationship is just not as important to you as the “mission” in your life—but you still want a full and energetic intimate relationship, perhaps quite badly. How do you deal with this often misunderstood dilemma?
The Way of the Superior Man is a book written explicitly for people who have already achieved respect for other genders and sexual preferences, and who consider men and women to be social, economic, and political equals.
It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart. It is also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine.
It never ends. As long as life continues, the creative challenge is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift.
the feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine.
Embrace her, or wrestle with her, or scream and yell for the heck of it, but make no effort to bring an end to that which pisses you off. Practice love instead of trying to bring an end to the quality that bothers you.
Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose.
Notice if there are times when you find it difficult to look into someone’s eyes, or times your chest and solar plexus become tense and contracted.
Breathe down through your chest and solar plexus, deep into your belly. Look directly into the eyes of whomever you are with, feeling your own pain as well as feeling the other person. Only when the front of your body is relaxed and opened, your breath full and deep, and your gaze unguarded and directly connected with another person’s eyes, can your fullest intelligence manifest spontaneously in the situation.
A closed body is unable to sense subtle cues and signals, and therefore unable to act with mastery in the situation.
Where do your fears stop you from making a larger contribution to mankind, from earning a higher income, or from earning money in a more creative and enjoyable way?
Your edge is where you stop short, or where you compromise your fullest gift, and, instead, cater to your fears.
They choose a job they know they can do well and easily, and don’t even approach the fullest giving of their gift. Their lives are relatively secure and comfortable, but dead.
Live with your lips pressed against your fears, kissing your fears, neither pulling back nor aggressively violating them.
Read books that remind you of who you are, in truth. Spend time with people who inspire and reflect the source to you. Meditate, contemplate, or pray daily so that you steep yourself in the source.
But he should never betray his own deepest knowledge and intuition in order to please his woman or “go along” with her. Both she and he will be weakened by such an action.
Time you spend with your woman should be time you really want to be with her more than anything else. If you’d rather be doing something else, she’ll feel it. Both of you will be dissatisfied.
Own your fear, and lean just beyond it. In every aspect of your life. Starting now.
The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth.
Few men are willing to give their deepest genius, their true endowment, the poetry of their very being, with every thrust of sex and life.
penetrate them to gratify your own needs, your woman and the world will feel your lack of dedication, depth, and truth. Rather than yielding in love to your loving, they will distract you, suck your energy, and draw you into endless
And you must be willing to offer them your brutal honesty, in the same way, if you are all to grow.
If you merely want support from your men friends without challenge, it bespeaks an unresolved issue you may have with your father, whether he is alive or dead.
Your close men friends can provide the stark light of love—uncompromised by a fearful Mr. Nice act—by which you can see the direction you really want to go.
The superior man is not seeking for fulfillment through work and woman, because he is already full. For him, work and intimacy are opportunities to give his gifts, and be vanished in the bliss of the giving.
A man must be prepared to give 100 percent to his purpose, fulfill his karma or dissolve it, and then let go of that specific form of living.
As you open yourself to living at your edge, your deepest purpose will slowly begin to make itself known.
It is as if your deepest purpose is at the center of your being, and it is surrounded by layers of concentric circles, each circle being a lesser purpose. Your life consists of penetrating each circle, from the outside toward the center.
However, you probably are not living your deepest purpose yet. You probably need to burn off the karma, or fulfill the need, of the present purpose by which you are fascinated and distracted.
Each purpose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point where it becomes empty, boring, and useless. Then it should be discarded. This is a sign of growth, but you may mistake it for a sign of failure.
After completing one layer of purpose, you might not know what to do with your life. You know that the old project is over for you, but you are not sure of what is next. At this point, you must wait for a vision.
