After We Fell (After, #3)

by Anna Todd

“I don’t get it,” Landon says, looking through the bags. “What’s so bad about Seattle that he won’t go with you? Does he have some sort of history there?”

Hmmmmmmm

I thought he’d do anything to keep you close to him… literally anything,” Landon says with emphasis.

He would. He absolutely told Sandra she didn't need the apartment anymore

Landon laughs along. “Barely; he probably installed a hidden camera on your shirt to keep track of you.” “Cameras aren’t my thing. I’m more of a tracking-device type of guy.” Hardin’s voice makes me jump, and I look over to find him leaning in the doorway of the kitchen.

Yiiiiikes

“Where is this boat? I’m bored listening to you two talk shit about me.” “We weren’t, we were joking,” I tell him and walk over to hug him where he’s standing. “It’s fine, I do the same when you’re not around,” he says in a mocking tone, although I can’t help but detect a hint of seriousness behind the words.

Yeah cuz he absolutely does

“I forgot you don’t like water.” He pulls me closer. “I like water… in swimming pools.” “And streams?” His eyes glitter with humor. I smile at the memory. “Only one stream in particular.”

Ew

Hardin and I both turn quickly, and it takes me a moment to see what he’s spotted. It’s a pod of dolphins leaping through the water. They aren’t close to the boat, but they’re close enough that we can see the way they move in sync through the waves. “It’s our lucky day!” Karen laughs. The wind blows my hair across my face, blocking my view for a moment, and Hardin’s hand reaches up to tuck it back behind my ear. It’s always the simple things he does, the small ways he finds to touch me without thought, that make my stomach flutter. “That was so neat,” I say to him once the dolphins have fully passed by.

Neat

AFTER LUNCH, I help Karen clean the kitchen and make lemonade while Landon and Hardin discuss how terrible modern literature is. I can’t help but laugh when Landon mentions Harry Potter. This sends Hardin into a five-minute-long speech on why he never has read and never will read the books, and Landon tries desperately to get him to change his mind.

Ohmygod

I chuckle into her neck, kissing her where the goose bumps on her skin appear from my breath. “Not fucking likely. We do have a hot tub in our room, remember?” “Yeah, but it’s no good, because I don’t have a swimsuit…” she starts. I suck lightly at her neck and imagine what she’d look like in a bathing suit. Fuck.

Probably the same way she looks in her underwear

“Are you going to come into the Jacuzzi with me?” I ask and remove my hand from her. “I’ll come up there… but I’m not getting in.” “Suit yourself.” I smile and stand up. I know she’ll end up in there; she’ll just need more persuading than most girls. Come to think of it, I’ve never actually been in a Jacuzzi with a female before, naked or not.

Imagining a storied past of Hardin in jacuzzis with men

“Why are you in such a good mood?” Tessa raises an eyebrow at me. I dip a finger into the water. Almost there; this thing heats up quickly. “I don’t know… I just am.” “Okay… should I be worried?” she asks, stepping out to join me on the balcony. “No.” Yes.

??????

I’ll never get enough of her. No matter how many times I touch her, fuck her, kiss her, hold her… it will never be enough, I’ll always want more. It’s not even about the sex, which we have often; it’s that I’m the only one who’s ever been with her,

Nooooope

She startles, then pouts when I remove my fingers from her and hook them around her panties, tugging them down as quickly as possible and leaving her to kick them off the end of one foot into the water beside her. I watch for a second as the jets carry them to the other side of the tub; there’s something mesmerizing about seeing that final barrier float away so smoothly.

Thanks I hate it

I turn her body around, and she lets out a yelp. I panic for a moment, but then realize that her little pussy is directly lined up with the jets.

Why would you say it like that

I didn’t even think to use a fucking condom. What has she done to me? “What’s wrong?” she pants, a thin layer of moisture covering her face. “I don’t have a condom on!” I run my hands over my wet hair. “Oh,” she says calmly. “Oh? What do you mean, Oh?” “So put a condom on?” she suggests with a doe-eyed look. “That’s not the point!” I stand up in the tub. She doesn’t say anything. “If I hadn’t thought about it, you could have gotten pregnant.” She nods understandingly. “Okay, yeah, but you did remember.” Why is she so calm about this? She has this grand plan to move to Seattle—a baby would definitely fuck that up. Wait… “Is that your plan or something? If I get you pregnant, you think I’ll go with you?” I sound like a fucking conspiracy theorist, but it does make sense.

No it doesn't???

Hurt flashes as clear as a goddamn neon sign across her face, and she covers her boobs with her hands. “You’re the one who forgot about a condom, and now you’re saying that I’m trying to trap you by getting pregnant?” She shakes her head in disbelief. “Just listen to yourself.” Well, it wouldn’t be the first time some crazy chick did that.

SORRY??????

My guilt over this Seattle shit is causing me to lose my fucking mind.

What guilt? What did you do? Hmm???

I don’t know what else to do to get her to stay. A baby isn’t the answer, that’s for damn sure. I’ve done everything I possibly can except lock her in the apartment. Sure, it’s an idea that’s actually crossed my mind a few times, but I don’t think she would like it too much. Plus she’d probably get a vitamin-D deficiency.

What even

I scroll through my contacts and find the name Samuel; real fucking clever decoy, there. I don’t know why I saved this woman’s number anyway; I guess I knew somehow I’d get tangled in a fucking web and have to call the bitch back. I changed the name in case Tessa went snooping through my shit, which I knew she would do. I thought she’d caught me when she asked about my deleted history and heard me yelling at Molly on the phone. In some ways, I’m sure she’d rather see Molly on my call log than this person.

Whatttttt

I grab my towel and wrap it around my body. Trailing water into the bedroom, I reach the suitcases lying on the bed, when I hear Hardin’s voice. I can’t quite hear what he’s saying, but I catch his tone of false niceness, which tells me he’s trying to be polite and not show his frustration. Which tells me that this conversation is something he deems important enough to not act like himself.

And??????

Hardin sighs. “Well, do you have any more empty apartments to fill?” he asks. Wait, Hardin’s trying to get me an apartment? I’m as shocked as I am excited at the thought. He’s finally coming around to the idea of Seattle, and he’s actually trying to help me instead of push against me. For once. The woman on the other end, who, I realize, has a very familiar voice, replies, “You gave me the impression that your friend Tessa was not someone I should be wasting my time giving an apartment to.” What? Wait… is that…? He wouldn’t. “Here’s the thing… she isn’t as bad as I made her out to be. She hasn’t actually trashed any apartments or left without paying,” he says, and my stomach turns. He did.

Kill. Him.

I burst through the doors to the deck. “You sick, selfish bastard!” I scream, the first words that come to mind. Hardin spins to me, face paling, mouth opening wide. His phone tumbles to the floor, and he just stares at me like I’m some terrible creature who’s come to destroy him.

Murder

I storm back into the bedroom, and he follows me, pleading, “Tessa, listen to me.” I turn around, feeling wounded, and strong, and hurt, and enraged. “No! You listen to me, Hardin,” I say through my teeth, trying to lower my voice. But I can’t. “I’m so sick of this, I’m sick of you trying to sabotage everything in my life that doesn’t revolve around you!” I scream, balling my fists tightly at my sides. “That’s not what I—” “Shut up! Shut the hell up! You are the most selfish, arrogant—you’re just… ugh!” I can’t think straight; angry words fly from my mouth, my hands moving through the air in front of me. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I was trying to clear it up just now.”

Killlllll himmmmm

Hell, I can even handle you being a complete asshole half the time, because deep down I always knew you were doing what you thought was best for me. But not this. You’re trying to ruin my future—and I won’t fucking have it.”

There is still so much book left

I have the urge to slap Hardin right across his face,

Please

“Done… with me?” His voice is shaky, and it cracks. “You said you’re done…”

I hope so

“I’m so fucking exhausted, and I can’t stand it. I can’t keep doing this like this! You were going to let me move to Seattle without anywhere to live just to try to force me not to go!”

Yes he was. Kill him.

“Get out!” I scream at him. “No, I’m sorry, okay, I—” “Get the fuck out. Now,” I spit, and he looks at me like he has no idea who I am.

Yessss

I stomp down the stairs and throw myself on the couch like a temperamental child. That’s what I am really, a fucking child. She knows it, I know it—hell, everyone fucking knows it. I should just print the shit on a goddamn T-shirt.

Yes

If I wasn’t so confused by Tessa’s behavior,

Literally what is confusong

“What’s your name?” I ask her, avoiding her question. “Lillian,” she says and drops whatever was in her hand. “I’m Hardin.”

Maybe Lillian can whisk him away from these pages

Lillian has proven herself to be a decent listener so far. So when she asked me to walk her back to her cabin and finish our discussion, I accepted. My absence will give Tessa some time to cool down and hopefully be ready to talk by the time I return. “You didn’t tell me what level of messed up it was. I don’t blame her for being mad at you,” the girl says, of course ready to take Tessa’s side. I can’t imagine what she’d think of me if she knew about all the shit I’ve put Tessa through in the past six months.

I can. I can imagine.

“Will your girlfriend mind if you’re here?” she asks me. “I don’t know, probably.” I groan, running exasperated fingers through my hair. “Would you want her to do the same thing? How would you feel if she was hanging out with a guy, one she just met?” As soon as the words leave her lips, anger swells in my chest. “I’d be seeing red,” I growl.

Stop growling at people

“Now tell me what is in Seattle that you aren’t willing to face for her?” “It’s not anything specific. I do have some bad history there, but it’s more than that. It’s the fact that she’ll be thriving,”

Duuuuuuuuuude

“I’m not expecting ‘Kumbaya,’ but I think you should at least come up with a plan to apologize to Tamara.” “Her name is Tessa,” I snap, annoyed suddenly by her small mistake. She smiles and pulls her brown hair to one shoulder. “Tessa, sorry. I have a cousin named Tamara, and it was in my head, I guess.” “What makes you assume I’ll be apologizing, anyway?” I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth while waiting for her response.

Because you have to???

“You’re kidding, right? You owe her an apology!” she says loudly. “You need to at least tell her you’ll go to Seattle with her.” I groan. “I’m not going to Seattle, for fuck’s sake.” What is it with Tessa and fucking Tessa Number Two and pestering me over Seattle? “Well, then I hope she goes without you,” she says curtly.

Me too

AFTER MY THIRD GLASS, I mumble, “Tessa hates when I drink.”

And yet

I’m finally beginning to realize that you can only fight with someone over the same thing so many times before you’re burned out.

Babe we are all burned out

He jumps to his feet and hooks his fingers around my arm to gently pull me back. “Stop,” he orders. One large hand spreads across my waist while the other goes to my arm. I think about twisting free, but then he pulls me to his chest. “Stop fighting me—you’re not going anywhere.”

No sir

“There’s no big secret, just bad memories. But that’s not why I don’t want to go, anyway.” I wait for him to get to the heart of the matter, but he doesn’t say anything else. “Okay, then tell me why. Because I don’t get it.” His face is devoid of any emotion as he looks into my eyes. “Why do you need an explanation? I don’t want to go and I don’t want you to go without me.”

Too bad??

“Well, that’s not enough of an explanation. I’m going,” I say and shake my head. “And you know what? I don’t want you to come with me anymore.”

Oh hell yes

“You… you know what, Tessa? No one gives a fuck about Seattle except someone like you. Who the hell grows up planning on moving to Seattle fucking Washington. Real ambitious,”

What a weird insult. Seattle is nice!

“And in case you forgot, I’m the only reason you have that opportunity to begin with. You think anyone else is getting a paid fucking internship as a freshman in college? Fuck, no! Most people struggle to get a paid internship even after they graduate.”

Dude

“Then what is the point, you ungrateful—” I take a step toward him, and my hand flies at him before I really register what I’m doing. But Hardin’s too quick and grabs me by the wrist, stopping me only inches from his cheek.

Ah dang. Really wanted you to punch him

“You don’t get to talk to people like that without consequences.” My words come out low, threatening even. “Consequences?” He stares down at me with burning eyes. “I’ve known nothing in my life but consequences.”

Whose fault is that bud

“You obviously don’t have any friends either.” “Not many. Riley doesn’t seem to like them.” “And? Why does that matter?” “Because I don’t want to start a fight with her, so I just don’t hang out with them much.” “Sorry, but Riley sounds like a bitch.”

You don't let Tessa have friends either

“Just saying. I wouldn’t let someone tell me who I can and can’t be friends with.” “So you’re telling me that Tessa has friends she hangs out with besides you?” She raises her brow, and I look away to think about her question. She has friends… she has Landon. “Yes.” “You don’t count.” “No, not me. Landon.” “Landon is your stepbrother; he doesn’t count.” Steph is sort of Tessa’s friend but not really, and Zed… not a problem anymore. “She has me,” I say.

That's not enoughhhhh

“Tessa doesn’t know you’re gay,” I blurt as she shows me a black beaded dress. She looks at me smoothly and just sweeps her hand across the dress again, kind of like she did with the brandy bottle last night. “I’m not giving you fashion advice here, so stop trying,” I groan. She rolls her eyes. “So why didn’t you tell her?” I poke at this feather necklace thing. “I don’t know, I didn’t think about it.” “Well, I’m oh-so-flattered that my orientation was so unnnotable to you,” she says with feigned gratitude and a spread hand at her neck. “But you really should tell her.” She smiles. “No wonder she almost backhanded you.” I knew I shouldn’t have told her about the slap. “Shut up. I’ll tell her…” Although it might work in my favor not to, actually. “Maybe,” I add.

You fucking suck so much

I stare into the long mirror and ask Landon, “Are you sure this looks okay?” “Yes, it’s fine,” he says with a smile. “Can we try to remember that I’m a guy, though?” I sigh, then chuckle. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s not my fault you’re my only friend.”

No, it's Hardin's fault.

“It’s weird hearing you say that, you of all people,” he says. “How are you feeling?” “A little angry, but that’s it. It’s like I’m numb to it now, to all of it. I just don’t have it in me to keep doing this over and over. I’m beginning to think he’s a lost cause, and that breaks my heart,” I say, forbidding myself from crying. “Nobody’s a lost cause. They just think they are, so they don’t even bother to try sometimes.”

No longer Team Landon

Landon pulls Tessa close to him and away from the married asshole; she smiles up at him, and he pulls her even closer as they walk. What the fuck was that?

You're kidding, right?