After We Fell (After, #3)

by Anna Todd

He gives me a look. “You told them you’re moving?” “Yes. Why wouldn’t I?” “Because you haven’t decided yet, right?” “Hardin, I’m going to Seattle.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “You still have some time to think about it.”

Sigh

“I’m getting overwhelmed, Hardin,” I admit. “Overwhelmed by what?” I throw up my arms. “Everything. Seattle, transferring to another campus, Landon leaving, your expulsion—” “I lied,” he says plainly and nuzzles his face into my stomach. What now? “What?” I thread my fingers through his hair and lift his head to look up at me. He shrugs. “I lied about the expulsion.”

Kill him

My mouth drops. “So you told me you were expelled because you were pissed at me?” “Yeah. Well, that and another reason.” “What other reason?” He sighs. “You’re going to be angry.” His eyes are still red, but he seems to be sobering up quickly. I cross my arms over my chest. “Yeah, probably. But tell me.” “I thought you’d feel bad for me and come to England.”

This is actually insane

I should be upset. I am upset. I’m pissed the hell off. The nerve of him, to try and guilt me into moving to England with him. He should have just been honest from the start… but still I can’t help but feel a little better about finding it out straight from his mouth instead of the usual way his lies are revealed.

INSANE

“I’m not defending myself. I’m a dick. I know this, but I love you and I’m sick of all the shit. I knew you’d find out sooner or later anyway, especially with this dreadful trip with my father’s family.” “So you told me because you knew I’d find out?” “Yeah.” I pull my head back a little and look at him. “You would have kept it from me and still tried to force me to go to England with you out of pity?” “Basically…” What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

Murder is still an option

Hardin puts his hands on my hips. “Tessa, I’m sorry, I really am. You have to admit that we’re both getting much better at this relationship shit.”

No you're not?????

Maybe Steph had reassured him that I was on my way, so he had time to calm down. Then again, Steph’s phone was on the table when I turned back around… “Did you say Steph didn’t answer when you called?” I ask. “Yes; why?” He looks at me, confused. I shrug, unsure what to say. “I’m just wondering.” “Why, though?” His tone is off. “I told her to tell you I was on my way, and I’m just wondering why she didn’t.” “Oh.” He looks away, reaching for a cup on the dresser. This whole conversation is so awkward—Steph not telling him that I was on my way, him avoiding my eyes.

What is happening

“What about your dad, though? He just came back into your life, and you’re going to leave?” His words stop me in my tracks. It’s not like I hadn’t thought about it before, but Hardin lobbing that question at me like a missile when my back is turned doesn’t sit right with me.

Yikes dude

“What the fuck was that shit today?” he says, his voice muffled. I press my ear to the door. I should just walk in, but I get the feeling I’m not supposed to hear the conversation. Which means I really should hear the conversation. “I don’t give a fuck, it shouldn’t have happened. Now she’s all upset and shit, and you’re supposed to…” I can’t make out the rest of the sentence. “Don’t fuck this up,” he snaps. Who is he talking to? And what are they supposed to be doing? Is it Steph? Or, worse, Molly?

Ooooh

Because, do I really want to cause a fight with him or accuse him of something that I might just be misunderstanding? He could have just been angry at Steph for inviting Molly along to lunch earlier. I couldn’t hear all that well, and he might have been sticking up for me. He was just so forthcoming about having lied about being expelled—why would he be lying to me now?

The knots you tie yourself into for this man

“I’m not, but I want you, and I should be able to have you whenever I want to,” he says, and I roll my eyes.

Ehhhh

indicating a new text message; maybe she’s busy and decided to text me. I click it open and read: I need to talk to you. I sigh when I next read the sender’s name: Zed. I delete the message and set my phone back on the desk.

Nooo I wanna know

When I get into the bathroom, Hardin’s phone is sitting on the edge of the sink. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop myself. I immediately go to the call log, but it doesn’t show. All the calls have been cleared. Not a single one is shown on the screen. I try again, and then look at the text-message screen. Nothing. He’s deleted everything.

Giiiiiirl

His features twist in annoyance, and he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Why would you be looking through my phone, anyway?” “Because you’re acting suspicious, and—” “So you go through my shit? Didn’t I tell you before not to do that?”

If you didn't lie all the time we probaby wouldn't be here

“You’re just making up excuses for how psychotic you are,” he says, his words burning me.

Sir

But he appears in the doorway a second later. “I don’t like you going through my shit.” “I don’t like feeling like I have to.” He closes the door and leans his back against it. “You don’t have to; I deleted that stuff because… it was an accident. It’s nothing for you to be all worked up over.”

Okay Boris Johnson

Maybe he did delete the texts and calls by accident,

You have to do those things SEPARATELY

“I don’t want there to be secrets between us. We should be past that,” I remind him. “I know, fuck. There aren’t any secrets; you’re being crazy.”

Says the guy who lies all the time

Worst-case scenario, he’s hiding something from me. I’ll find out eventually, so there isn’t any point in obsessing over it now. I’ve found out everything else.

That's not..... okay

With a smile he leaves my office, and for some reason I feel slightly guilty. I reach for my phone and text Hardin, casually letting him know that Trevor stopped by my office.

Why on earth

I’m ready for Seattle. I have to be. This is my future, and I can’t center it around Hardin when he isn’t willing to compromise.

Feel like you're gonna do that anyway but okay

I don’t want to make her force Zed to leave, and he hasn’t done anything wrong, except to not listen to Hardin’s instructions to stay away from me. “No, it’s fine. He’s my friend. You can let him back.” Why would he come here? I’m sure it has something to do with me ignoring him, but I don’t understand what could be so urgent that he’d drive forty minutes to tell me.

I WANNA KNOW

When I pull open the door to my office, Zed is standing in the hall like the angel of death. He’s dressed in a black-and-red-plaid sweatshirt, dark jeans, and sneakers.

Is that what the angel of death looks like

“Is something wrong?” I ask and walk back over to my desk. He stands awkwardly in the doorway for a moment before stepping into the room. “No. Well, yes, I’ve been trying to talk to you since yesterday, but you haven’t been answering my texts.” “I know; it’s just that Hardin and I already have enough issues without me creating even more, and he doesn’t want me to talk to you anymore.” “You’re letting him tell you who you can talk to now?”

Yeah we're all disappointed

“No, it’s not like that. I know he’s a little overbearing and may go about things the wrong way, but I can’t say I blame him for not wanting me to be friends with you anymore. I wouldn’t want him to spend time with someone he has feelings for either,” I say, and Zed’s eyes widen. “What did you say?”

Giiiiiiiirl

I’ve told you before that I care about you, but we both know it’s a lost cause.” “Why’s that?” he asks. I’m not sure how many more times I can reject him before he understands where I’m coming from. “Because it’s pointless. I’ll never be able to be with you. Or anyone, for that matter. No one but him.”

Yikes?

“I don’t think he gives you the chance to really think about what you want or what’s good for you,” Zed says with conviction, though his voice does crack. “He only cares about himself.”

Correct

“No, you don’t know about our issues at all,” he says quickly. “If you did—” “He loves me, and I him,” I interrupt.

I would like to know

“Then why did you come?” I ask softly. “To talk to you.” He looks around the room, then back at me. “Never mind. I don’t know why I came here, really.” He sighs.

Noooooo tell me!

I feel like Estella in Great Expectations, toying with Pip’s emotions. My own Pip stands in front of me, caramel eyes fixed on mine.

Sigh

“I truly am sorry for everything. I wish we could be friends,” I say. “Me, too, but you’re not allowed to have friends.” He sighs, running his fingers over his bottom lip, pinching it in the middle.

Also true

Music begins to play through my office, and it takes me a minute to realize it’s coming from Zed. He reaches into his pocket and silences it, but not before Hardin notices. “What was that? Whose phone was that?” he demands. My blood suddenly runs cold, until I take a moment to think about this. I shouldn’t be so afraid or nervous for Hardin to know Zed’s here. I didn’t do anything wrong; he came, and he’s leaving. He already gets irritated when Trevor comes by my office, and Trevor’s a coworker and entitled to stop in anytime he wants. “Is fucking Trevor there?” “No, it’s not Trevor. Zed’s here,” I say and hold my breath.

Babe you should not be afraid of him

“Zed, thank you for coming by. I probably won’t see you again before I leave.” He turns, and emotion flashes in his eyes, but it disappears before I can decide which emotion it was. “I won’t say meeting you hasn’t complicated my life, but I wouldn’t take it back. I’d go through all of this shit again—the fights with Hardin, the friendships I’ve lost, all of it. I would go through it again, for you,” he says.

Why??? She sucks!

“Be careful, okay?” he says, opening the door. “I will. Seattle isn’t too bad.” I smile. I feel very resolved now, like I have finally given him the closure he needed. He frowns and turns to leave the room. As he closes the door behind him, I hear him say gently, “I’m not talking about Seattle.”

Eeeeee

I don’t know why he came back in here, but I’m glad he left before he could say anything to confuse me or hurt Hardin further.

You are so weird

“Are you crying?” “I’m just…” I start. “What?” he implores. “I don’t know, I’m just glad it’s over.” I wipe at my eyes again. He sighs through the line and surprises me by simply saying, “Me, too.”

It's not over

I take one last look around my first office. My eyes focus on the desk first. My stomach tightens as memories of Hardin and me on the desk flood my senses. It seems so extreme: having sex in an office when anyone could walk in at any moment. I was too distracted by Hardin to think of anything else… which seems to be a pattern in my everyday life.

You're so close to getting it

Back at the apartment, I unlock the front door and push it open with my foot, picking up the grocery bags from the floor as I step inside. The living room is a mess; empty water bottles and food wrappers litter the coffee table. My father and Hardin sit on opposite ends of the couch. “How was your day, Tessie?” my father asks, craning his neck to look over at me. “Good. It was my last day there,” I tell him even though he already knows. I begin to clear their trash from the table and floor.

Girl WHAT

He smiles. “Won’t you miss having me around?” “I wouldn’t go that far.” “Well, maybe I’ll find myself a job and see you both in Seattle.” “Neither of us will be in Seattle.”

Are you gonna murder her?

And I smile as I have a vision of her bent over my knee for being so smarmy.

This is gross but also smarmy is not the word you were looking for

I’m already dressed and ready, our bags have already been placed in the car, and I’ve given him as much time to sleep as possible. Heck, last night I even did all the packing, not that he would’ve done a very good job of it anyway.

Manchild

“Do you have everything ready for Seattle, Tessa?” Ken asks. “I spoke with Christian yesterday, and he’s really looking forward to you coming.” I feel Hardin’s eyes on me, but I’m not going to let that stop me. “I plan to start packing when we get back, but I’ve already enrolled in my classes at the new campus,” I tell him.

Screw Hardin

Karen’s voice is soft, and it slides between my thoughts. “Do the two of you have a place already?” “No. I had an apartment, or so I thought, but the woman seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. It was perfect, too, right in my budget and close to the office,” I tell her.

Hmm

“You know, Tessa, I have a few friends in Seattle. I can see about getting you a place before Monday, if you’d like,” Ken offers. “No,” Hardin says quickly. I look over at him. “Actually, I would like that,” I say and meet Ken’s reflected gaze. “Otherwise I’ll be spending a fortune staying at a hotel until I can find a place.” Hardin waves his dad off. “It’s fine. I’m sure Sandra will call her back.” That’s strange, I think and look at him. “How’d you know her name?” I ask.

HMMMMMMM

“I hope so. With Landon gone, too, I’m afraid I’ll be lost. I’ve been a mother for nearly twenty years…” She begins to tear up. “I’m sorry, I’m just so proud of him.”

You think that because he moves, he's no longer your son?

Hardin comes up behind me. “I left the bags on the bed for you to unpack. I know I’d do it wrong.” “Thank you,” I say, grateful that he didn’t even try. He likes to shove things haphazardly into dresser drawers, and it drives me mad.

WEAPONISED INCOMPETENCE

“It’s nice that you support her.” I smile at Landon in an attempt to break up the tension brewing between him and Hardin.

Maybe Hardin can learn something

“I’ll always support her, no matter what she does. That’s why I’m moving all the way to New York.” Landon looks at Hardin, and Hardin’s jaw tenses. “So this is how this trip is going to be, then? The two of you fucking ganging up on me? Count me fucking out, then. I didn’t even want to come on this shit anyway.” Hardin spits.

Haaa

I’m thinking about how to calm him down, when Landon suddenly says, “Well, then you shouldn’t have come. We’d all have a better time without you and your sour attitude anyway.”

Yessss Team Landon again

“Oh.” I wish it was warmer so I could wear a swimsuit. I don’t even own one, but the idea of shopping for one with Hardin makes me smile. I can picture him, saying crude and perverted things; he’d probably end up in the dressing room with me. I don’t think I’d stop him.

Jesus. You need Jesus.