Never Eat Alone, Expanded and Updated: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time

by Keith Ferrazzi

Real, actionable insight mostly comes from experience, books, and other people.

While others quietly sit taking notes, content to sip their free bottled water, these men and women are setting up one-on-one meetings, organizing dinners, and, in general, making each conference an opportunity to meet people who could change their lives.

Put in a phone call. The person responsible for these kinds of events is generally overworked and stressed out.

Calm yourself. First, you should know that giving speeches is one of the easiest and most effective ways to get yourself, your business, and your ideas seen, heard of, and remembered, and you don’t need to be Tony Robbins to find yourself a forum of people willing to hear you out.

Toastmasters International,

The Convention Industry Council (CIC)

The point here is that the opportunity to speak exists everywhere, paid or unpaid.

How do you become a speaker at a conference? First, you need something to say: You need content (which I’ll discuss in another chapter).

at started getting bigger, his speeches became more refined, and the audience went from intimate to intimidating—though, by then, he had worked through most of his fears.

When sessions open up for questions, try and be among the first people to put your hand in the air.

“because the world needs you and it needs the things you carry.”

Before the event, I’ll scout out a nice nearby restaurant and send out pre-invites to a private dinner that I’ll host alongside the scheduled affair.

One way I’ve had big success is sending a fax to the hotel (most conferences have one host hotel where most VIPs will be staying) that the individuals get when they arrive the night before the conference asking them to join a group for dinner or drinks that night. Think

Find them before they’ve gained celebrity status,

Pro tip:

Don’t underestimate the importance of dressing well in places where you’ll be noticed. And start bumping.

Everyone you talked with at the conference needs to get an e-mail reminding them of their commitment to talk again. I also like sending a note to the speakers, even if I didn’t get a chance to meet them.

“Acquaintances, in short, represent a source of social power, and the more acquaintances you have, the more powerful you are.”

I like to call ahead and ask to speak with the owner (though the maître d’ will do) and tell them that I go out regularly, sometimes in large parties, and I’m looking for a new place to entertain, a lot!

Headhunters are professional matchmakers, earning their wage by introducing job candidates to companies that are hiring.

If you’re in the market for a job, let as many search firms as are willing hit the phones for you.

“What searches are you working on? How can I help you find people?”

Their more grassroots efforts involve long hours spent on the phone and in writing letters, trying to rouse the community to get involved behind an issue.

How can you reach out? Join your local chamber of commerce.

Creating even a weak tie to someone with a great deal of online influence—enough so they’re willing to retweet you—will pay off big when you have news or a post you’d like to get some virtual eyeballs on.

Hunt out people who look and act and sound nothing like you do.

Never forget the person who brought you to the dance.

Two quick rules of thumb: 1. You and the person you are sharing contacts with must be equal partners who give as much as you get. 2. You must be able to trust your partners because, after all, you’re vouching for them, and their behavior with your network is a reflection on you.

Consider carefully how your partner wants to use your network and how you expect to use his.

We all have what it takes to charm everyone around us—colleagues, strangers, friends, the boss. But having it and knowing how to work it is the difference between going through life in the shadows and commanding center stage wherever you happen to be.

The digital medium is all about speed and brevity. It may make communication efficient, but it’s not effective when it comes to making friends.

If you have the determination and the proper information, conversation, just like any other skill, can be learned.

Language is the most direct and effective method for communicating our objectives. When playwrights and screenwriters develop characters for their work, the first thing they establish is motivation. What does the character want?

The goal is simple: Start a conversation, keep it going, create a bond, and leave with the other person thinking, “I dig that person,” or whatever other generational variation of that phrase you want to use.

When it comes to making an impression, differentiation is the name of the game.

Power, today, comes from sharing information, not withholding it.

Being up front with people confers respect; it pays them the compliment of candor.

But the truth is everyone has something in common with every other person.

Or we can put a little of ourselves, our real selves, on the line, give people a glimpse of our humanity, and create the opportunity for a deeper connection. We have a choice.

Charm is simply a matter of being yourself. Your uniqueness is your power.

Deep in our genetic code, we are conditioned to be afraid of strangers. Will they eat us or feed us?

That’s why we form first impressions so quickly; we have to decide whether or not it’s safe to approach.

You have about ten seconds before a person decides, subconsciously, whether he ...

This is not the time to play hard to get, keep a distance, or play mysterious.

People are wowed by social decisiveness when it’s offered with compassion and warmth.

Learn to touch people.

Whether you spend five seconds or five hours with a new contact or acquaintance, make the time count.

Make people feel insignificant and your significance to them shall certainly diminish.

When meeting someone new, be prepared to have something to say.

What you talk about is ultimately less important than how.