Never Eat Alone, Expanded and Updated: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time

by Keith Ferrazzi

What he really needed was access to a network that could provide him with the mentorship and advice he needed to help a rapidly growing business.

It’s in the business of creating community, the most valuable form of social capital—the intimate, supportive relationships that spur collaboration while deeply satisfying our human need for connection, belonging, and meaning.

generosity in relationships, above all; audacity; social arbitrage; blending the personal and professional; connecting through passions; giving back; having fun.

Together we’ve invested heavily in studying and understanding subjects long left to other disciplines, such as emotion, intuition, behavior, trust, influence, power, reciprocity, networks, and all those things that touch on how we relate to and work with other people.

Today’s most valuable currency is social capital, defined as the information, expertise, trust, and total value that exist in the relationships you have and social networks to which you belong.

SUCCESS IN LIFE = (THE PEOPLE YOU MEET) + (WHAT YOU CREATE TOGETHER).

Your network is your destiny, a reality backed up by many studies in the newly emergent fields of social networking and social contagion theory.

We are the people we inte...

Our paychecks, our moods, the health of our hearts, and the size of our bellies—all of these things are determined by whom ...

Their social-media-driven upbringing will make them savants in some areas of relationship building, and idiots in others—and I suspect they’ll be spending the next decades sorting out which is which.

My operative mind-set is that whatever your age or situation, your path to greatness begins the moment you find the courage and the audacity to reach out with generosity.

During those long stretches on the links, as I carried their bags, I watched how the people who had reached professional heights unknown to my father and mother helped one another.

Poverty, I realized, wasn’t only a lack of financial resources; it was isolation from the kind of people who could help you make more of yourself.

You can’t get there alone. In fact, you can’t get very far at all.

When you help others, they often help you.

Success in any field, but especially in business, is about working with people, not against them.

What I saw on the golf course—friends helping friends and families helping families they cared about—had nothing to do with manipulation or quid pro quo.

I didn’t think of this behavior as cold and impersonal, the way I thought of “networking.” I was, instead, connecting—sharing my knowledge and resources, time and energy, friends and associates, and empathy and compassion in a continual effort to provide value to others, while coincidentally increasing my own.

If you strip business down to its basics, it’s still about people selling things to other people.

Because, flat out, people do business with people they know and like. Careers—in every imaginable field—work the same way.

But in business, I found nothing came close to the impact of mentors. At every stage in my career, I sought out the most successful people around me and asked for their help and guidance.

Every time I contemplated a move or needed advice, I turned to the circle of friends I had created around me.

You feel satisfaction when both your peers and your organization share in your advancement.

And because today’s primary currency is information, a wide-reaching network is one of the surest ways to become and remain thought leaders of our respective fields.

The very successful people I know are, as a group, not especially talented, educated, or charming. But they all have a circle of trustworthy, talented, and inspirational people whom they can call upon.

“here’s the hard part: You’ve got to be more than willing to accept generosity. Often, you’ve got to go out and ask for it.”

Until you become as willing to ask for help as you are to give it, however, you are only working half the equation.

A network functions precisely because there’s recognition of mutual need.

The more people you help, the more help you’ll have and the more help you’ll have helping others.

Competitive edge in the industrial era was won by constantly reengineering process and systems. Today it’s won by improving relationships.

Win-win has become a necessary reality in a networked world. In a hyper-connected marketplace, cooperation is gaining ground on competition.

We need one another more than ever. And this isn’t sentiment, it’s science.

We are the very product of the people and networks to which we are connected. Who you know determines who you are—how you feel, how you act, and what you achieve.

Autonomy is a life vest made out of sand.

In other words, the currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.

Business cycles ebb and flow; your friends and trusted associates remain.

Experience will not save you in hard times, nor will hard work or talent. If you need a job, money, advice, help, hope, or a means to make a sale, there’s only one surefire, fail-safe place to find it—within your extended circle of friends and associates.

Bottom line: It’s better to give before you receive. And never keep score. If your interactions are ruled by generosity, your rewards will follow suit.

Remember, it’s easier to get ahead in the world when those below you are happy to help you get ahead, rather than hoping for your downfall.

I would argue that your relationships with others are your finest, most credible expression of who you are and what you have to offer. Nothing else compares.

Contribute. It’s like Miracle-Gro for networks. Give your time, money, and expertise to your growing community of friends.

As my dad used to say, no one becomes an astronaut by accident.

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.”

Have you ever sat down and thought seriously about what you truly love? What you’re good at? What you want to accomplish in life? What are the obstacles that are stopping you?

We all have our own loves, insecurities, strengths, weaknesses, and unique capabilities.

That intersection is what I call your “blue flame”—where passion and ability come together.

I think of the blue flame as a convergence of mission and passion founded on a realistic self-assessment of your abilities.

I believe everyone has a distinct mission inside of him or her, one that has the capacity to inspire.

When I’m in the right frame of mind, I start to create a list of dreams and goals.

The clues can be found in the hobbies you pursue and the magazines, movies, and books you enjoy.