Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

by Steve Harvey

HOW TO TELL IF YOU’VE MET SOMEONE LOOKING FOR A KEEPER OR A THROWBACK: 1. If his conversation with you is extremely superficial, and never seems to graduate beyond the surface, he’s sport fishing; if he genuinely seems interested in your needs, life, desires, and future, then he’s looking for a keeper. 2. If he laughs off your requirements and standards, then he’s sport fishing; if he seems willing to abide by your rules, and actually follows through on them, then he’s looking for a keeper. 3. If he takes your phone number but waits longer than twenty-four hours to call, he’s sport fishing;

he calls you right away, he’s showing that he’s genuinely interested in you, and is most likely looking for a keeper. 4. If he takes you out on a date and lets you pay, or only kicks in his portion of the bill, he’s sport fishing; if he pays the bill, he’s showing that he’s willing to provide for you, which means he’s likely looking for a keeper. 5. If he tells you he’s going to be somewhere at a certain time, and he consistently shows up late without so much as the courtesy of a phone call, he’s probably sport fishing; if he shows up when he’s supposed to, he’s looking for a keeper. 6. If you never meet his friends, family, co-workers, or other people who are important to him, he’s sport fishing; if he introduces you to his people, he might be looking for a keeper.

7. If he keeps offering up excuses for why he can’t meet your friends and family, he’s sport fishing; if he agrees to go to the family barbecue or a social event where he will be introduced to family, friends, and co-workers, he might consider you a keeper. 8. If he cringes at the mere mention of children, he’s sport fishing; if he’s willing to meet your kids and shows up with gifts and can relate to them in a way that makes them comfortable with him, then he might consider you and your kids keepers. 9. If he does not have himself together financially, emotionally, and spiritually, he may be sport fishing; if he is capable of providing and protecting his potential family the way a real man should, then he might be searching for a keeper.

10. If he lobbies for an “open” relationship and says he’s cool with you seeing other people, then he’s sport fishing; if he wants your relationship to be exclusive and he agrees to date only you, he considers you a keeper.

loves you will be the man you need him to be if you have requirements—standards you set to make the relationship work

1. You need to respect me. 2. You must put me and our kids after God and above all others. 3. Be clear to everyone involved in our lives that they will respect your relationship—and me.

woman if he couldn’t get that single most important, obvious, easy male/female relationship right,

From the male perspective, the answers to the question “Why do men cheat?” are crystal clear.

For (most) women, after all, cheating is unthinkable and (at first blush) unforgivable—you don’t and can’t comprehend why a man would be unfaithful, and you won’t ever pretend to.

He can lie (every once in a while), fall down on the housework and the child rearing, get a little lax in the income department, pay more attention to his boys

That’s my way of saying that women will put up with a lot of things. Cheating is not one of them.

We know what it takes to tip, we’re capable of calculating the collateral damage that comes with getting caught, and we know that getting back into the graces of the woman we cheated on—and her mother, and her friends, and anyone else who’s sympathized with her having to resurrect herself from such a devastating life event—will require a Herculean effort. Still, we do it.

Rather, this is my humble attempt to explain to you why a man might go on ahead and get a little something on the side, and what you can do to cut down the chances that your man will do this to you. So let’s just go on ahead and get right to it. Men cheat because

but men don’t view sex the way you women do, plain and

a lot of you, the act of intercourse is emotional—an act of

By contrast, when it comes to men and sex, neither emotions nor meaning necessarily enter the equation. It’s easy—very easy—for a man to have sex, go home, wash it off with soap and water, and act like what he just did never happened.

Men see it as just a way to get tightened up, especially

Of course, men will consider the risks of getting caught cheating on his lady.

men initiate affairs pretty confident that they’re going to get away with it, and most certainly with all kinds of confidence that if they get caught, their denials will see them through.

A man who cheats has most certainly calculated the collateral damage that would come from getting busted—

Still, men don’t really ever think they’re going to get caught.

He hasn’t become who he wants and needs to be or found who he truly wants.

What’s happening at home isn’t “happening” like it used

your relationship just doesn’t have that spark anymore, that you don’t turn him on like you used to—that you don’t come on to him like you did when the two of you first fell in

two of you get comfortable with each other, settle in, have some babies, buy a house, and then get bogged down in the bills and raising the kids and going to work and keeping up with the rat race that comes when you’re a family trying to make

the woman who used to wear and do little things to keep it hot and spicy isn’t interested in doing that little thing she did when...

sex has become uninspired; she’s coming in from work, where she was dressed up in her nice...

You’ve changed. (He knows he’s changed, too, but we’re not talking about him, we’re talking about you.)

your home just isn’t feeling like what he signed up for. And if he can’t get what he signed up for back at the house, he’s more likely to go out and find it somewhere else, because guess what?

That’s the truth that no woman wants to face.

many women willing to give themselves to a man who doesn’t belong to them.

Yes, these are the women who have no standards and requirements and who suffer from serious self-esteem issues,

I’m teaching you to do in this book: figure out your standards and requirements, explain them, and stick to them (Chapter 9), get to really know the man by asking five essential questions you’ll need to know to move a relationship forward (see Chapter 10),

So, ladies, the reasons I’ve given here are the primary reasons men cheat, but trust me, there are many, many more.

it’s wrong to commit to someone

and promise to remain faithful and then go against that—especially if this was one of your mate’s requirements. Women can go over it again and again in their minds, finding all kinds of deficiencies in themselves—“I didn’t do this right,”

You can, however, limit the amount of times you’re cheated on again.

Is that to say it’s going to be easy to forgive him and not be suspicious?

he may eventually earn your trust back and be willing to work through it with you.

But in his heart of hearts, he knows that’s a part of working his way back into your heart. He knows he created this—

Trust me, I know. Because it’s happened to me. It happens to a lot of men. You can’t be a man of power and not step outside your

Men can’t accomplish this mission for you without your help; we can’t possibly begin to fathom what it is you women need and want because your needs and wants change from woman to woman like the wind

Instead of saying you “can’t stand it” when a man shows up late,

Translation: You’ve just told him that you require the man in your life to show up when he says he’s going to show up, and have enough manners and class to call if he’s going to be

Instead of saying, “If you’re dating and sleeping with other women, I am not the one!”

Translation: You’ve just told him that you require the man in your life to be honest and up front about the parameters of the relationship—if he’s going to play, he’s going to have to let you know so that you can make intelligent,

Instead of saying, “If my man doesn’t have God in his life and doesn’t know how to jog for Jesus, there’s no need in him even opening his mouth to me,”

Translation: You’ve made clear that you’re a God-fearing, churchgoing woman who knows the Lord and takes her faith seriously, and you’ve opened up the conversation for him to give his take on how he feels about religion and spirituality. Instead of saying, “I got three

kids and two jobs because these children’s daddy ain’t worth a damn, so any man stepping to me better have bank and be ready to raise some kids the right way or hit the highway,”

Translation: You will have made clear that while you’re quite capable of taking care of your own children, you recognize the importance of having a good man in the