Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender (Power vs. Force, #9)

by David R. Hawkins

Because of the nature of attachment, the first state preceding the actual experiencing of loss is that of fear of loss. This is usually defended in one of two ways. One is to increase the intensity of the attachment by ever-persistent attempts to strengthen the bonds.

The second way that fear of loss is handled is by the psychological mechanism of denial which is, in common language, called “playing ostrich.”

We see this around us every day in its various forms of refusing to face the inevitable. All the warning signs are there, but the person does not take heed. Thus, the man who is obviously in the process of losing his job tends not to notice.

We have all experienced regret that we didn’t pay attention to the warning signals of trouble ahead.

To handle the fear of loss, we have to look at what purpose the external person or object serves in our life. What emotional need is being fulfilled? What emotions would arise were we to lose the object or the person?

Another emotion associated with grief and mourning is that of anger. The loss of that which is important frequently brings up a feeling of rage, which may be projected onto the world, society, individuals and, ultimately, God, who is held to be responsible for the nature of the universe.

We feel that what has become important or comforting to us is a permanent attachment. Consequently, when that illusion is threatened, there is anger, resentment, and self-pity, feelings which can result in chronic bitterness. “Impotent rage” is associated with the desire to change the nature of the world and the impossibility of doing so. In facing this fact of existence, a major loss can therefore bring about a shift in our philosophical position.

A part of handling denial of the inevitability of loss is seeing through attempts at manipulation. In fantasy, the mind tries to develop tactics so as to avoid the loss. This may take the form of becoming “gooder” or more hard-working, more honest, more persevering, or more loyal.

All of these emotional stages can be worked through much more rapidly by the process of letting go, in which the inevitability of the emotion of grief is surrendered to and replaced by a willingness to let go of resistance and let the process pass through and complete itself. There can be a decision to let go of resisting the grief. Instead of denial and resistance, you plunge into it and get over it.

Associated with the feeling of grief is always a variable amount of guilt. This is based on the fantasy that the loss represents a punishment or that a different attitude or behavior would have prevented it from happening. Unless it is relinquished, the guilt can then recycle and refuel the anger and rage.

With acceptance, resistance to the true nature of the facts has been relinquished; thus, one of the signs of acceptance is serenity. With acceptance, the struggle is over and life begins anew. The energies that were bound up in the previous negative emotion are now freed up, so that the healthier aspects of the personality are now re-energized.

well-known and widely-practiced teaching is the Serenity Prayer of the 12-Step groups: God, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

The suppressed energy of the unrelinquished emotions reemerges through the body’s endocrine and nervous system as an energetic imbalance, which impairs the flow of life energy through the body’s acupuncture meridians. This results in pathologic changes in various organs. It is a well-known fact that the death rate among the bereaved is much higher than that of the general population, especially in the first year or two following the death of a spouse.

As we have seen, the basis of all mourning and loss is attachment, plus the denial of the transitory nature of all relationships. We can begin by looking at our lives, identifying those areas of attachment, and asking ourselves: “What internal needs are they satisfying? What feeling would come up if I were to lose them? How can my inner emotional life be balanced so as to decrease the extent, degree, and number of attachments on external objects and people?” The greater our attachment to that which is outside of ourselves, the greater is our overall level of fear and vulnerability to loss.

I so empty within myself that I have to search for solutions in the form of attachment and dependency on others?”

Specifically, we need to examine: “Where am I looking to get love rather than to give it?” The more loving we are, the less vulnerable we are to grief and los...

retirement syndrome. Traditionally, this may occur in women when the job of raising young children comes to an end with their maturity and leaving home (“empty nest syndrome”), and with a man when he reaches retirement age or loses his job, or through some physical disablement is unable to carry on his previous work.

Anticipation of the inevitable and preparing for it now bring relatively minor discomfort compared to traumatic grief and loss at a later date.

Over two thousand years ago, the Buddha made the observation that the basis of all human suffering was due to desire and attachment, and human history has merely proven the truth of his teaching. What is the solution to that dilemma? As we can see, it is only the small aspect of oneself that becomes attached. The smaller self buys into the frightened, inadequate set of programs that we have unwittingly allowed to run us.

By constantly letting go of our negative feelings, we thus cure present pain and prophylactically prevent the occurrence of future pain. Fear is replaced by trust and with it comes a profound sense of wellbeing. Immunity to grief of loss occurs when we replace dependence on the small self (the personality) with dependence on the Self (the Divinity within).

Worries are chronic fears. Paranoia is its extreme. In milder forms of fear, we are merely uneasy. When it is more severe, we become scared, cautious, blocked, tense, shy, speechless, superstitious, defensive, distrustful, threatened, insecure, dreading, suspicious, timid, trapped, guilty, and full of stage fright.

One excellent experiment is to let go of the fear of fear itself. When we stop being afraid of fear, we notice that it is just a feeling. In fact, fear is far more tolerable than depression. Surprisingly, to a person who has been in bad depression, the re-emergence of fear is welcomed. It is better to feel scared than hopeless.

What one holds in mind tends to manifest. What this means is that any thought which we consistently hold in mind and consistently give energy to will tend to come into our life according to the very form in which our mind has held it. Thus, fear engenders fearful thoughts.

There was the opportunity to sit down and find the courage to face the fear. The inner dialogue was: “What’s the worst possible thing that could happen? Well, you could be terribly boring.” This brought to mind all the boring speeches given by others, and then it became possible to accept that a boring speech was actually common and certainly not the end of the world. There was a letting go of the pride and vanity behind that fear. Yes, it just might happen that the speech would be terribly boring.

“I am one of the most boring speakers around and, in fact, I can be quite tedious.” Surprisingly, this brought a laugh from the audience. Their laughter signified acceptance of our common humanness, and so the fears were lifted.

Once we are united with them in compassion, we can feel their encouragement as they cheer us on. We love them for relieving our fear and accepting us, and they love us back for doing the very thing that they themselves fear.

We all derive great benefit from liberating ourselves out of a fearful inhibition into successful functioning, because that learning process automatically spills over into many other areas of our life. We become more capable, freer and happier and, with that, there is an inner peace of mind.

Fear is so pandemic in our society that it constitutes the predominant ruling emotion of our world, as we know it.

Fear is associated with our survival, and so it is given a special accord in our minds. For most people, fear is so all-pervasive that their life really constitutes one giant set of compensatory devices to conquer their fears.

When all the mind’s compensatory devices fail and fear spills forth into consciousness as overt anxiety attacks or phobias, the person is labeled as having an anxiety neurosis. It is informative to note that the tranquilizer Valium is the biggest selling drug in America.

This case illustrates a concept that we previously presented in the chapter on apathy; that is, a higher vibration, such as love, has a healing effect on a lower vibration, such as that in the patient’s case, fear. This love is the mechanism of reassurance, and very often we can quiet another person’s fears by our mere physical presence, and by the loving energy that we project to them and with which we surround them.

Attitudinal healing has to do with group interaction with patients who have fatal and catastrophic illnesses, and the whole process of healing has to do with the letting go of fear and replacing it with love.

To people who are unfamiliar with the laws of consciousness, these types of cures seem miraculous. But to those who are familiar with the laws of consciousness, such phenomena are commonplace and to be expected. High levels of consciousness are in themselves capable of healing, transforming, and enlightening others.

was Jesus Christ who said that we all, with faith, potentially have the power to heal. The saint, or person of high consciousness, is by definition one who has removed the clouds of negativity and radiates the full healing power of the sun.

As we consistently let go of resisting our fears and allow them to be surrendered, the energy that was tied up in the fear is relinquished and now becomes available to shine forth as the energy of love. Therefore, unconditional love has the greatest power of all, and that love is the power of the celebrated saints. Unconditional love is also the power of the mother and of the father, the presence of whom is so essential to the children’s learning to love as they grow.

One particular form of fear is what we call guilt. Guilt is always associated with a feeling of wrongness and potential punishment, either real or in fantasy. If punishment is not forthcoming in the external world, it expresses itself as self-punishment on an emotional level.

If guilt is so destructive, then why are there such paeans of praise allotted to it? Why do so-called experts view guilt as beneficial? For example, a psychiatrist wrote a magazine article in praise of guilt, declaring: “Guilt is good for you.” He then qualified the statement with “appropriate guilt.” Let’s look at what guilt is really all about and see if we agree or not.

Thus, we see that guilt is really a substitute for a sense of reality in a mind that is undeveloped, such as that of a child.

Ninety-nine percent of guilt has nothing whatsoever to do with reality. In fact, the most pious, meek, and harmless individuals are often riddled with guilt. Guilt is really self-condemnation and self-invalidation of our worth and value as a human being.

Guilt is as prevalent as fear, and we feel guilty no matter what we are doing. A part of our mind says that we really ought to be doing something else. Or, whatever we are actually doing at the moment, we ought to be doing “better.” We “should” be getting a better golf score. We “should” be reading a book instead of watching television.

The guilt re-emerges in the form of self-punishment and through accidents, misfortune, loss of jobs and relationships, physical disease and sickness, tiredness, exhaustion, and the multiple ways the ingenious mind figures out how to bring about the loss of pleasure, joy, and aliveness. Guilt represents death just as love represents life. Guilt is part of the smaller self and underlies our willingness to believe negative things about ourselves.

Why do we buy into so much garbage? Is it not because of our very innocence? Is it not because, as we grew up, we trusted that what others were telling us was the truth? And even currently, do we still trust what others are telling us is the truth?

In fact, when we look deep within ourselves, is it not because of our very innocence that we believe ourselves to be guilty?

Most of the consciousness programs boil down to this essential point: become aware of what we are buying into, what we are accepting daily.

Let’s wake up and free ourselves from being exploited and enslaved by the negative programming of the world. We will see it for what it is, which is an attempt by others to control us; exploit us; extract our money, our services, our energy, our loyalties; and capture our mind.

Tron, in which the very function of “master control” was to enslave by progressive programming.

Anger is better than resignation, apathy, depression, and grief! It means to take charge of our mind instead of handing it to the television set, the newspaper, the magazines, the neighbors, the conversations in the subway, the chance remarks of the waitress, the garbage in and the garbage out.

Once we have looked deep within ourselves and found that innate inner innocence, we will stop hating ourselves. We will stop condemning ourselves and stop buying into the condemnation of others and their subtle attempts to invalidate our worth as human beings.

What is the real truth about this voyage? The real truth is that, as we go within and discard one illusion after another, one falsehood after another, one negative program after another, it gets lighter and lighter. The awareness of the presence of love becomes stronger and stronger. We will feel lighter and lighter. Life becomes progressively more effortless.

We will discover that all of the things the world calls “evil” are right on the surface; they are right on the top, as the superficial, outer thin layer. Beneath these errors is mistakenness. We are not rotten—only ignorant.