Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender (Power vs. Force, #9)

by David R. Hawkins

indicating a surge of positive bio-energy. Smallness brings weakness, sickness, disease, and death. Do you really want that? Letting go of negative feelings can be accompanied by another very healthy maneuver which will greatly assist your inner transformation, and that is to stop resisting the positive emotions.

The corollary to letting go of negative feelings is to stop resisting the positive ones. Everything in the universe has its opposite; therefore, in the mind, every negative feeling has its counterpart between smallness and greatness, whether we are constantly aware of its existence at any given moment or not.

The purpose of this exercise is to locate within ourselves that which can only be described as greatness. Greatness is the courage to overcome obstacles. It is the willingness to move to a higher level of love. It is the acceptance of others’ humanness and having compassion for their suffering by putting ourselves in their shoes. Out of the forgiveness of others come self-forgiveness and the relief of guilt. The real payoff we get is when we let go of our negativity and choose to be loving; we are the ones who benefit. We are the ones who gain from the real payoff.

Apathy is the belief, “I can’t.” It is the feeling that we cannot do anything about our situation and no one else can help. It is hopelessness and helplessness. It is associated with such thoughts as: “Who cares?”; “What’s the use?”; “It’s boring”; “Why bother?”; “I can’t win anyway.”

Eeyore, the glum character in “Winnie the Pooh” cartoons who says: “Oh well. Won’t do any good anyway.” Discouragement. Defeat. Impossible. Too hard. All alone. Give up. Isolated. Estranged. Withdrawn. Cut off. Desolate. Depressed. Depleted. Unfulfilling. Pessimistic. Careless. Humorless. Meaningless. Absurd. Pointless. Helpless. Failure. Too tired. Despair. Confused. Forgetful. Fatalistic. Too late. Too old. Too young. Mechanical. Doomed. Negative. Forlorn. Useless. Lost. Senseless. Bleak. Blasé.

Much of the world’s population is functioning on the level of apathy. For them, there is no hope that they will be able to meet their basic needs, nor will help be forthcoming from elsewhere.

was discovered that apathy resulted from a lack of nurturing and emotional closeness to a mothering figure. It was an emotional state and not a physical one. Without love and affection, they lost the will to live.

In our country, we see depressed economic areas where an entire local population goes into apathy. When people from such areas appear on the television news, it is often with such comments as, “When the welfare check

runs out, I guess we just face starvation; there’s...

The way out of apathy is to remind ourselves of our intention, which is to get higher and freer, to become more effective and happy, and to let go of the resistance to the technique itself.

The payoff may be in the face-saving excuses to cover up what is actually fear. Since in reality, we are very capable beings, most “I can’ts” are really “I won’ts.” Behind the “I can’ts” or the “I won’ts” is frequently a fear.

Fear at least begins to motivate us into action and, in that action, we can again surrender fear and move up to anger or pride or courage, all of which are higher states than apathy.

As this fear comes up and is let go, we become aware of the fact that we have a desire to do the very thing that we fear. Now when looking at the desire, which is blocked by fear and perhaps compounded by some grief over lost opportunities in the past, anger arises. At this point, we have already moved from apathy, to grief, to desire, and up to anger.

There is also anger about our fear, which has blocked accomplishment in the past, and the anger leads to a decision to do something about it.

On the way to the speaking course, again more fear will arise. As this is constantly acknowledged and surrendered, we become aware that we have courage in our capacity at least to face our fears and take action to overcome them.

relationships. This entire progression is the basis of a great deal of the power of self-help groups: the sharing of inner experiences from the lowest to the highest levels on the scale of emotions. That which in the beginning seemed formidable and overwhelming has now been surmounted and handled, with the resultant increase of aliveness and well-being. This increase in self-esteem then spills over into other areas of life, and the increase in confidence results in greater material abundance and capability in vocational functioning. On this level, love takes the form of sharing and encouraging others, and our activities are constructive instead of destructive.

Behind all of the “I can’ts” are merely “I won’ts.” The “I won’ts” mean “I am afraid to” or “I am ashamed to” or “I have too much pride to try, for fear I might fail.” Behind that is anger at ourselves and circumstances engendered by pride. Acknowledging and letting go of these feelings brings us up to courage and, with that, finally acceptance and an inner peacefulness, at least as it regards the area which has been surmounted.

Apathy and depression are the prices we pay for having settled for and bought into our smallness. It’s what we get for having played the victim and allowed ourselves to be programmed. It’s the price we pay for having bought into negativity. It’s what results from resisting the part of ourselves that is loving, courageous, and great. It results from allowing ourselves to be invalidated by ourselves or others; it is the consequence of holding ourselves in a negative context. In reality, it is only a definition of ourselves that we have unwittingly allowed to happen. The way out is to become more conscious.

To get out of it, we have to accept the responsibility that we have bought into the negativity and have been willing to believe it. The way out of this, then, is to start questioning everything.

We can look at the mind’s concepts, thoughts, and belief systems as programs. Because they are programs, they can be questioned, cancelled, and reversed; positive programs can replace negative ones if we so choose.

The feeling state of apathy is associated with the belief, “I can’t.” The mind doesn’t like to hear it, but in reality most “I can’ts” are “I won’ts.” The reason the mind doesn’t want to hear this is because “I can’t” is a cover-up for other feelings.

“Is it true that I won’t rather than that I can’t? If I accept that ‘I won’t,’ what situations will be brought up and how do I feel about them?”

As all of the associated feelings are surrendered, it becomes very clear that the real reason is unwillingness—not incapacity.

One of the biggest blocks to overcome in getting out of depression and apathy is that of blame.

To begin with, there are a lot of payoffs to blame. We get to be innocent; we get to enjoy self-pity; we get to be the martyr and the victim; and we get to be the recipients of sympathy.

Perhaps the biggest payoff of blame is that we get to be the innocent victim and the o...

In addition to the emotional payoff, blame has considerable financial benefits; therefore, it is a tempting package to be the innocent victim, as it is often financially rewarded.

Blame is the world’s greatest excuse. It enables us to remain limited and small without feeling guilty. But there is a cost—the loss of our freedom. Also, the role of victim brings with it a self-perception of weakness, vulnerability, and helplessness, which are the major components of apathy and depression.

The first step out of blame is to see that we are choosing to blame.

Because others, such as Frankl, have chosen not to blame, that option is also open to us.

“Well, if the other person or event is not to blame, then I must be.” Blaming others or ourselves is simply not necessary.

The attraction of blame arises in early childhood as a daily occurrence in the classroom, playground, and at home among siblings. Blame is the central issue in the endless court proceedings and lawsuits that characterize our society. In truth, blame is just another one of the negative programs that we have allowed our mind to buy because we never stopped to question

Why must one of us be wrong, bad, or at fault? What seemed like a good idea at the time may not have turned out well. That’s all. Unfortunate events may have just happened.

To overcome blame, it is necessary to look at the secret satisfaction and enjoyment we get out of self-pity, resentment, anger, and self-excuses, and to begin to surrender all of these little payoffs.

Depression and apathy, therefore, result from the willingness to hang on to the small self and its belief systems, plus the resistance to our Higher Self, which consists of all of the opposites of the negative feelings.

The way out of negativity is, therefore, the willingness to acknowledge and let go of negative feelings and, at the same time, the willingness to let go of resisting their positive opposite.

The way out of apathy is to see, first of all, that “I can’t” is an “I won’t.” In looking at the “I won’t,” we see that it is there because of negative feelings and, as they come up, they can be acknowledged and let go.

This process is applicable in all negative situations. It enables us to change the context by which we perceive our current situation. It enables us to give it a new and different meaning. It lifts us up from being the helpless victim to the conscious chooser.

One of the laws of consciousness is: We are only subject to a negative thought or belief if we consciously say that it applies to us. We are free to choose not to buy into a negative belief system.

By refusing to accept the negative belief, it now has no hold over our own life.

“All the years I’ve wasted.” It is a feeling of sadness and loss. Loneliness. The feeling of “if only.” Regret. Feelings of abandonment, pain, helplessness, and hopelessness. Nostalgia. Melancholy. Depression. Longing. Irretrievable loss. Heartbrokenness. Anguish. Disappointment. Pessimism. Grief can be precipitated by the loss of a belief system, a relationship, a capacity or role, a hope about ourselves, or an overall attitude toward our life, external circumstances, or institutions.

Most of us carry a great deal of suppressed grief. Men especially are prone to hide that particular feeling, as it is considered unmanly and un-masculine to cry.

Suppressed grief is responsible for many psychosomatic conditions and health-related complaints. Instead of suppressing the feeling, if it is allowed to come up and be relinquished, we can quickly jump from grief to acceptance. The continuing grief over a loss is due to the resistance to accepting that state and allowing the grief to expend itself. The persistence of a feeling is due to the resistance to allowing it to be relinquished (e.g., “Cry me a river”).

When we let go of a lot of grief we have been holding over the years, our friends and family will notice a change in our facial expression. Our step will be lighter and we will look younger.

Traditionally, women have said out of their own experience and wisdom: “A good cry makes me feel better.” Many a man has been surprised when he learned the truth of this.

Once a man has fully let the grief come up and totally freed himself from that suppressed energy, he is peaceful and his view of his own masculinity changes.

The psychological basis of all grief and mourning is attachment. Attachment and dependence occur because we feel incomplete within ourselves; therefore, we seek objects, people, relationships, places, and concepts to fulfill inner needs.

Loss of the object or person is experienced as a loss of our own self and an important part of our emotional economy. Loss is experienced as a diminution of the quality of ourselves, which the object or person represented.

Attachment creates a dependency, and dependency, because of its nature, intrinsically carries with it a fear of loss.

The adult in us regretfully accepts that impermanency is a reality of life. We accept that our youth is not permanent, that many romantic relationships are not life-long, and that our dog will one day die.