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Kindle Notes & Highlights
Only ask a woman for her phone number if she seems genuinely attracted and interested in you. Only ask for her number if you can see yourself wanting to hang out with her again or having time to hang out with her again.
When you ask her for her phone number, don’t come up with a fancy line or make up a reason. Just ask her for it. If you’re attracted to her, you shouldn’t be afraid to hide it (you’re a confident, dominant man, remember?). If she’s attracted to you, she’ll be more than excited to give it to you.
Flakes happen to everybody. Get used to
There are a million legitimate reasons women can flake other than then not being attracted to you. Trying to figure out which ones are flaking for legitimate reasons and which ones are not is more or less an impossible task.
In the end, it comes down to the fact that if she likes you enough, she’ll find a way to make it happen. If she’s not finding a way to make it happen, then she probably doesn’t like you as much as you thought she did.
If Brad Pitt texted her asking her out, do you think she could suddenly clear her busy work schedule and move her weekend plans back? I think so. If she’s not doing that for you, then she’s just not that interested.
My policy with flakes is “Three strikes you’re out.” If a woman flakes once, I’ll try her a second time. If she doesn’t respond the second time, I may or may not give it a third shot, but typically if I do, I don’t put much effort into the third attempt. Often I will only try a woman once or twice. If there’s still nothing after the third attempt, I move on.
I always text within 24 hours of getting her number. I send a simple text: “Hey Sara, it was nice meeting you.”
From there, I usually wait another day or so and start a text conversation.
Don’t get fancy and try to re-invent the wheel here. Don’t get cute or try to win her over if she’s not responding very much. Your legwork was put in when you met her, now you’re stuck with what you earned. I’ve found that the cuter or harder you try to win girls over by text, the bigger chance you have of looking needy and desperate and losing them.
have to say this again: don’t get fancy or cute in your texts. Texting is, in general, an awful medium for communication.
Notice how the only bit of “game” I threw at her was when she showed hesitance to meet up. The only reason I did this is because I knew I was going to lose her if I didn’t amp things up, show my desire for her again and polarize things a bit to prevent the flake. I did that.
A flake is a flake. No matter what you do. Even if you can create a temporary illusion that she wants to meet up with you. If anything, being cute and trying to impress her will only hurt you, as it will come across as needy and unattractive. One of the quickest ways to lose a girl is by texting her stuff that’s way too try-hard. When in doubt, be plain and to-the-point.
Get her to agree to meet up as soon as possible and then do all of the heavy lifting in person, where you can interact physically, where she can see your intentions and your non-neediness, and where you’re not limited to 120 characters at a time or whatever.
Don’t do lunch dates, and never make an afternoon date the first date if possible. Just don’t do it. For whatever reason, nothing says, “let’s just be friends” more than having lunch together.
Save dates for the nighttime. It builds a greater sense of expectation. There’s more flexibility to spend more time together. It’s more of a commitment. And neither of you are in a rush to be anywhere in an hour. It also leaves the option open for you or her sleeping over.
You want to time the date so that you are peaking together at around 10 PM or 11 PM and she has the, “I need to go home, but I don’t want to yet,” feeling.
Absolutely no movie dates for first or second dates. Movie dates are terrible. You don’t get to talk, you sit awkwardly next to each other, and it’s impossible to touch her without being awkward
Avoid dinner dates if at all possible. They’re cliché. They can be somewhat impersonal depending on where you eat.
Good date locations are locations that are active, participatory, and allow for touching and flirting.
Alcohol can be helpful as well if that’s your style. Some good examples include comedy clubs, dance classes, museum exhibits, walks in interesting places (plazas, parks, etc.), concerts, or just grabbing a drink somewhere.
you want your dates to be interactive. You want to be able to walk around, be able to touch and be as interactive as possible. The underlying concept to have on a date is that you should try to constantly be leading.
Every decision should be yours and she should be expected to follow it. Remove, “What do you want to do now?” from your dating vocabulary.
far as what to talk about, your conversations should be getting deeper and more personal. There should be less teasing and playful banter and more conversations about your lives and what’s important to you. Learn about her past, her passions, her dreams, what her favorite things are. At the same time, you don’t want to turn this into a job interview (which too many dinner dates turn into), but elicit these topics by sharing them yourself.
pay unless she physically pulls out her wallet/credit card and stops you. Until she physically does that, just pay. Yes, once in a while you can get women buying you drinks and stuff — there are even ways to influence them to do this — but at the end of the day, unless you’re broke, take care of them.
One new conclusion in arousal research these days is that female arousal is somewhat narcissistic in nature. Women are turned on by being wanted, by being desired.
I’m going to say this point-blank: getting physical with women, and getting physical quickly and comfortably, is ultimately the difference between having a lot of female friends, and having a lot of girlfriends and dates.
Being physical with women is by far the most integral piece of seduction and dating women. If you have it, you will constantly have options.
There are two reasons for being physically assertive with women. The first is polarization. You want to establish whether she’s sexually interested in you as soon as you possibly can. The second reason is that being physical is bold and, therefore, a highly attractive form of flirting.
Pre-approach signals mean she wants to talk to you. Conversational signals mean she wants to get closer to you physically. And escalation signals mean that she wants to get sexual with you.
it’s much better to try and kiss her and get rejected than to go the whole night without making a move and never knowing what would have been.
Women will often object at this point and say they just want to mess around and not have sex itself. The correct answer to any objection is always, “That’s fine. We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable doing.” The point is to have an enjoyable experience, not to get more notches on your bedpost.
remember, our general guideline here is that we continue until a woman makes us stop. This means she physically stops you — i.e., moves your hands off of her, moves away from you, puts her clothes back on, etc. — or clearly and verbally says, “STOP!” or “NO!” If she’s incapacitated to the point (drunk, drugs, etc.) where she probably couldn’t opt out or make a clear decision, then you should stop. End of story.
The important thing is to see sex as not something you are earning or taking from a woman, but rather something you two are participating in together.
The more foreplay there is, the hotter your woman’s going to be, the better sex she’s going to have, which means the better sex you’ll have (this is a team sport, remember?)
Sexual gratification for women is far more psychological than it is physical, whereas for men it’s mostly physical.
Also, be honest. If you don’t like the way she gives a blowjob, tell her and then tell her how you do like it. But also, be honest with the compliments. Tell her she’s beautiful naked. Tell her you love how she rides you. Tell her she looks sexy in that position. Be open and honest. Communicate. The most important factor for good sex is how comfortable the two people are around each other. (This is another argument for practicing vulnerability, by the way.)
Typically, women become more invested after sex and men become less invested after sex. The power dynamic in most couples will switch at this point. The power of choice that the woman had (whether to have sex or not) now usually switches over to the man (whether to commit or not).
