Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

Men don’t seem to understand that if a woman rejects him because he’s short, or because she doesn’t like his hair, or because she finds him boring, then he wasn’t going to enjoy being around her anyway.

most women, especially very beautiful women, even if they’re attracted to you, won’t initiate with you. Remember, women tend to be less invested before sex, therefore, they (usually) expect men to initiate in the beginning. There are also strong cultural pressures on women to wait for the man to initiate.

Many men make the mistake of applying the wrong strategy to the wrong category of women. For instance, they’ll try to convince an Unreceptive woman to become Receptive. Or they’ll treat a woman who’s already Receptive as if she isn’t yet. Not only is this a time waster, it’s also ineffective.

The goal with Unreceptive women is to identify them and move on as quickly as possible.

has little to do with you (or maybe it does has everything to do with you, in which case you should learn from it).

want women to say “Fuck Yes,” once they’ve gotten to know me. And if they aren’t enthusiastic and excited about being with me, then I’m not interested in them anymore.

If she shuts you down, tells you to go away, tells you she’s not interested, tells you she has a boyfriend, move on. Seriously, get over it and move on. You’re wasting your time. I don’t care how special you think she is, there’s another one out there who’s just as special who will be Receptive to you.

The Friend Zone typically occurs when a man meets a Receptive or Neutral woman but never makes a move or expresses his interest. Instead, he behaves pleasantly, like a good friend would. In his mind, this is great because it means she likes talking to him, laughs at his jokes, etc. But because he’s withholding his sexual interest, he’s placing himself in her mind firmly in the “friend” camp.

The Friend Zone is the biggest possible time sink because most men who are stuck in it entertain fantasies that they’re simply waiting for the inevitable to occur.

You must indicate some sort of sexual interest early on. Otherwise, the longer you wait, the harder it gets and the more likely she will become Unreceptive to you.

Waiting around for a woman in a relationship is simply not worth it. Period. Trying to sabotage a woman’s relationship so you can swoop in and “steal” her is not only ineffectual but morally fucked up. It’s neediness and narcissism to an extreme degree.

women who have boyfriends/husbands who are willing to cheat on them, don’t bring up their boyfriends/husbands... almost ever.

The goal with Neutral Women is to get them to stop being Neutral as soon as possible.

A big misconception men have is that they think they need to behave in a way that makes every single woman like them – as if women were all the same. This is counterproductive because by altering your behavior to fit whatever she wants, it means you are not being vulnerable and, therefore, you are being needy and unattractive.

Other men often stick to plain jokes and safe topics of conversation that end up not polarizing at all for fear of being rejected. This is also a form of hiding one’s truth, not showing vulnerability, being over-invested and therefore not attractive.

As you can see, Neutral women are where so-called “game” comes into play. Having good game means you can take a woman who is Neutral and incite her to become Receptive to you quickly. You do this by making yourself vulnerable, sharing yourself unabashedly, and polarizing her one way or the other and being comfortable with either result.

The percentage of women who are Receptive to you will increase proportionally to the quality of your lifestyle, your social status, and your looks. The percentage of women that you’re able to move from Neutral to Receptive will be proportional to how good your “game” is, or how well you’re able to communicate and express yourself with women. And your ability to sort through each type of woman and meet as many as possible will be determined by how fearless and bold you are when it comes to meeting women.

Polarizing women into rejecting us — and when I say us, I mean the real us, the vulnerable and unabashed us — does us a favor by sorting out which women are going to make us happy.

You cannot be an attractive and life-changing presence to some women without being a joke or an embarrassment to others. You simply can’t. You have to be controversial. You have to polarize. It’s the name of the game. And getting good at the game is learning to open yourself up enough emotionally, learning to express your honest self enough and be comfortable enough with your vulnerability to take those embarrassing moments along with the moments of passion. A willingness to polarize is not easy. But it’s necessary. It’s why you’re here right now.

The idea is that the more forthright you are about who you are, how you feel, and what you think, the more this is going to weed out Unreceptive Women from the Receptive women, as well as push Neutral women to get off the fence and decide how they feel about you.

The men who employ this strategy employ it because they’re trying to avoid confrontation and controversy. Many of these men have been avoiding confrontation and controversy their entire lives. It’s part of their fear of vulnerability.

very nature, confrontational and controversial. You have to either make the decision to accept being controversial and confrontational or you need to accept that you will go through life with everyone being Neutral towards you.

A man who is highly invested is going to alter his behaviors based on the woman he’s talking to.

You’d be surprised how many women will respond with attraction to nothing other than a man who is bold and willing to stick his neck out.

being slapped by a woman is not the end of the world, or even of the interaction. It’s simply an emotional response. And as a highly emotional response, I’ll always take being slapped over indifference or boredom any day. It’s polarizing.

The best you can do is to let it go and remember: it’s not about you. This is why we pursue women based on our truth. This is why we polarize women as soon as possible. This is why we approach women looking to see if she fits our values and needs and not the other way around.

Remember, it’s “Fuck Yes!” or no. And if I’m not getting a “Fuck Yes!” then I’d much rather have a no than a “Meh, OK.”

Choosing how we define success with women is vitally important. If you choose the wrong way to define success for yourself, then the months or years of effort you put into achieving that goal will go to waste.

men who define success for themselves as how many women they can have sex with will waste away time pursuing and manipulating women whom they don’t necessarily enjoy or aren’t even that attracted to in the name of achieving the “success” which they’ve defined for themselves.

When we define success as finding the relationship(s) that will maximize our happiness, our approach takes a completely new light. Instead of waiting and hoping for a woman to select us, instead of racking up numbers, instead of winning bragging rights, instead of avoiding rejections — our success is defined by screening through as many women as possible until we find the ones we enjoy and the ones who enjoy us.

Suddenly, rejection goes from hurting our success rate to often helping

We screen through these women by polarizing them. We are polarizing them by sharing our truth with them openly and freely. And when we do this, women will either become incredibly attracted to us or they will reject us. Either way, we’ll be the happier for

Whether we get any specific woman or not depends on our level of investment relative to our investment in ourselves. This is non-neediness. We build non-neediness through vulnerability. We practice vulnerability by being honest.

1. Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle. 2. Overcoming your fears and anxiety around socializing, intimacy and sexuality. 3. Mastering the expression of your emotions and communicating fluidly.

The way to improve each of these fundamentals is by drilling deeper into your vulnerability for each one of them.

For short, I refer to the Three Fundamentals as Honest Living, Honest Action, and Honest Communication.

For instance, Honest Living, or creating an attractive lifestyle involves really drilling down and understanding what you want as a man for your life and then working to make that a reality.

If you’re in a job you hate with hobbies you hate and friends you don’t like, then no matter what you do or how much money you make, you’re going to have a hard time meeting attractive women that you enjoy and who enjoy being with you. This is because the identity you have adopted does not accurately reflect your emotional needs and desires. You are not living your life ho...

If your true passion is art and you push paper around at an insurance firm, then you’re not living honestly. You’ve compromised your identity in some way to fit what others have dictated it should be; in this case, you’ve given up what actually makes you happy in order to fit the values or roles of other people in society (having a stable job, working in the corpo...

Honest Living correlates directly with the quality of women that you will attract. The more in-tune you are to your lifestyle, the more you take care of your appearance and your health, the higher the quality of women you will attract and the greater percentage of Receptive women you’ll meet.

Honest Action is overcoming your fear and anxiety around women. Our anxiety is another form in which we highly invest ourselves in others’ perceptions and avoid our truth.

If you see a beautiful woman and have a desire to meet her, to not take action and meet her is a form of being dishonest with yourself. If you’re standing in a bar, and you see a woman who catches your interest, and you keep looking at her all night because you’re afraid to do something, on a deep level, you’re being dishonest about your intentions and sexuality. You’re being overly invested in her and others’ opinions and are unable to expose your vulnerability.

All fear around your sexuality is a result of feeling inferior or unworthy. If you’re afraid to approach a woman, it’s because somewhere inside you are more invested in her opinion of you than you are in your own opinion of yourself. If you’re afraid to ask a woman to come home with you, it’s because you are afraid of the sexual reality that you want to sleep with her — you’re more invested in her not rejecting you than you are in aligning yourself with your desires.

Overcoming your fear and anxiety will correlate with your overall results with women. The reason being that once a man overcomes his fear of rejection, he’s willing to more ...

Honest Action correlates directly to the quantity of women you meet and attract.

I call it Honest Communication because it’s learning how to communicate your true intentions and emotions to others clearly. Often we have certain thoughts or feelings, but we don’t know the best way to convey those thoughts or feelings. This third fundamental focuses on how to do that.

Honest Communication will determine the efficiency with which you are able to attract women who are compatible to you. A man who communicates poorly or is unable to express himself clearly will lose a lot of romantic opportunities to “lost in translation” situations — misunderstandings, vague communications, inaccurate assumptions, etc.

A man with great communication skills but a lot of fear and a poor lifestyle will rarely meet or attract beautiful women, but the few times he does, he will capitalize on his few opportunities. Most so-called “normal” guys are like this. They rarely see opportunities, but when they come along, they take them and do well. The problem with these men is that they never feel like they’re in control of their love lives. They’re always waiting for that next woman who’s interested to come around. And sometimes they end up waiting quite a while.

If your weakness is that you aren’t able to communicate coherently or empathize with what other people are expressing, then being encouraged to approach 500 new women is going to be an absolute disaster. If you are broke, live with your parents, and have no job, then being encouraged to spend all of your time and money out in nightclubs is only going to get you a bunch of meaningless sex with mediocre drunk girls who have no better options. If you are scared to death of saying anything to a woman you find attractive, then the best conversation tricks, teasing and flirting lines, or even openers are not going to help you at all.

Socially anxious men tend to have the third fundamental down very well. They’re good at expressing themselves and are very aware of social norms and what others are thinking/feeling. In fact, in a lot of cases, socially anxious men are too aware of what other people are thinking and feeling and, therefore, have a lot of social anxiety. They’re afraid to speak to new women. They get nervous pushing things forward. They’re scared to ask women on dates.