Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

Socially disconnected men are the opposite. These are men who have always been a little bit “oblivious” to what others think and feel around them. Usually, they’re guys who have always kind of kept to themselves and grew up more interested in their studies or some nerdy subject than the people around them.

The first fundamental (lifestyle) is all over the map and is a work-in-progress for everyone. The better your lifestyle, the easier everything else will be. And ultimately you should be working on your lifestyle for yourself first and foremost — the attractiveness to women is just an enjoyable side effect.

The idea is to become socially connected and fearless at the same time and have an awesome and attractive lifestyle. The full package. The Three Fundamentals.

And keep in mind moving forward that the foundation behind all of the advice given is the idea that an honest expression of yourself and your desires as a man is the most effective way to demonstrate non-neediness and to therefore create lasting and genuine attraction with women who will make you the happiest.

Which women do you want to meet and what kind of relationship do you want to have with them?

social interactions are always contextual, and therefore, attracting women is always contextual.

The theory of demographics is simple and easy to remember: like attracts like. You attract what you are.

and/or sex.

Clever lines won’t change it. Being good-looking won’t change it. Being rich won’t change it. If you hate what she loves and she hates what you love, it’s not going to go anywhere. Period.

The answer isn’t replacing your identity and passions; the answer is to expand your identity and passions. Expand it to include new and interesting activities, new modes of expression, and new ways of presenting yourself.

It isn’t until you develop that aspect of your personality or lifestyle that those women will begin to open up to you.

What I recommend to every man before he even begins talking to women is to sit down for a while and ask himself a few questions: • What do you value in a woman? Honesty? Beauty? Affection? Intelligence? Curiosity? Similar interests? Education? Obviously, the answer is “all of the above”, right? So let me rephrase the question: what do you value the most? What is an absolute deal-breaker in the women you date? Prioritize what you look for in a woman. This will help you decide where to look. • Women with the traits that you value, where do they frequent? Where are you most likely to find them? • What do you enjoy doing most? Do you love to read/write? Do you play music? Do you enjoy sports and competitions? What are the events or organizations that you can become involved in that explore your hobbies? • If you don’t know what your passions and interests are, take a minute and write down things that you’ve always wanted to do but have never had the time or never worked up the nerve to do. Make a promise to yourself to get involved in that activity or event in some way.

Demographics affect every interaction you have with women. If there is too large of a demographic mismatch, then the friction will be incredibly high, and no matter how attractive you are, she will not be able to connect with you.

What’s not quite as obvious but just as important, if not more important, is how our beliefs naturally screen the women who come into our lives. When I say beliefs, I mean beliefs about women, sex, relationships, and ourselves. The idea is that our beliefs are reflected in our behavior, and behavior determines which (and how many) women are attracted to us. For instance, if you believe all women are sluts and untrustworthy, then the only women who are going to be willing to tolerate your judgmental attitude are promiscuous women who are untrustworthy. Social psychology refers to this as the assortment effect and it's been demonstrated in many studies.

But if you believe that women do enjoy sex, then the women who do enjoy sex will feel comfortable expressing their sexuality around you, while the women who are not comfortable expressing their sexuality will not be comfortable around you. Yes, this will invite rejections, but remember, rejections are a form of screening for demographics and in this case, it’s doing you a favor.

Because ultimately, we attract who we are. And if we are a mean, vindictive, jealous or distrustful person – well, who do you think you’ll end up being with?

I want to get this out of the way and make it 100% clear. Age, money, and looks matter — in some cases a lot, in other cases, not a lot, but they still matter. And anyone who tells you that they don’t matter is lying.

Ask yourself for which demographic of women are looks and money highly important? Women who tend to only value good looks tend to be women who only have good looks and little else to offer. Women who are highly interested in money are going to be women who don’t have other interests or opportunities in front of them.

And even the most interesting and well-rounded and psychologically healthy women are still going to prefer a good-looking and successful man to one who isn’t.

The key is to 1) recognize your personal interests and strengths, and 2) build upon those personal interests and strengths to quickly attract women in your preferred demographic.

and to attraction and relationships. The idea is that as humans when we see many other people valuing something, we will unconsciously value it ourselves.

Social proof only functions within a demographic itself. That’s why once you’ve narrowed down your demographic, you want to cultivate your connections and put yourself into as big of a leadership position as possible. Don’t just join the intramural ultimate Frisbee team, start organizing it. Don’t just volunteer at a charity event, help find sponsors for it. Don’t just go hang out at a local club, but become a promoter for

Part of living the honest lifestyle is to pursue what you’re passionate about to the fullest extent.

If there’s one takeaway from this chapter, it’s that it is far more powerful to be something attractive rather than to say something attractive. You can say the most attractive sentence in the world, but if it isn’t backed up by who you are, then it’s not going to have any meaning. Whereas if you are something amazing, then anything you say will be attractive because it will be coming from a genuinely attractive man.

This is why trying to impress women by flaunting an image of what you think is attractive will always backfire.

when you’re focused so much on performing rather than actually being – then you are out of touch with your identity, who you are, and what you want. And when you’re out of touch with yourself, you will fall into the abyss of vague and empty demographics. You will aimlessly claw for whatever woman comes near you. You will be left bewildered at how you seem unable to polarize anyone.

Not everybody is born good-looking. But any man, with some time and effort, can become attractive. And in the end, what women want is a man who is attractive.

Remember, your outward appearance is a reflection of your self-investment (or lack thereof). And your level of self-investment will make you less needy towards others, therefore making your behavior more attractive.

fitness and fashion will do more to attract women in a shorter amount of time than anything else you can do.

Being in decent shape and dressing well will make every phase of the process easier and smoother, from meeting women, to attracting them, to getting physical with them, to dating them, to staying in a relationship with them.

There are a few rules to dressing well: 1. Wear clothes that fit. 2. Wear clothes that match. 3. Dress to your personality

Exercise, no matter what. This is not negotiable. Beyond simply making you look better naked, exercise boosts your energy, raises testosterone, relieves symptoms of depression and anxiety, and generally makes you feel better about yourself.

Vocal tonality is definitely overlooked by men. It’s not just having a sexy voice that’s important; it’s having an expressive and a loud voice.

As you could guess, we want to develop that chest voice. Again, the only way to do this is through conscious practice — reminding yourself countless times to speak from your chest voice until it becomes a habit.

Another problem men have is they often talk too quickly. This comes from a subconscious belief that if we don’t get everything out quickly, people won’t listen to everything we have to say. This is a needy behavior.

Attractive men are polarizing and uninhibited. Attractive men make their opinions known. They’ve had unique experiences and ideas. They’ve tried things many people haven’t tried, done things many people haven’t done, and share their ideas openly and freely. Put another way, an attractive man with depth and character is a man who has opinions and openly expresses those opinions.

There’s nothing wrong with being amiable and enjoying similar things to your friends. But one thing that will always make you stand out, particularly to women, is if you’ve not only expanded your horizons, but you’ve also made your own decisions about your personal tastes, your experiences, and what you think about various topics.

We want to shape you into a man with taste, a man with opinions, and a man who can explain exactly why he likes or dislikes everything from 70s Motown records to German films to 19th-century literature to impressionistic art.

and communication when it comes to women. Poor lifestyle choices reflect a lack of investment in yourself, which in turn causes you to be less confident around others for validation.

Get your life taken care of. Get healthy. Find a happy group of friends. Find a few hobbies that you love. Develop opinions. Start caring about what you spend your time doing. This increases your self-investment and will make you less needy around others. This, in turn, will give you the courage to take the correct action and the wherewithal to communicate effectively. This is honest living.

Here are some other stories I’ve been telling myself lately: That I’m too good for these girls; it’s my subconscious’s favorite story right now.

The only important "skill" in dating is learning how to stop buying into your own bullshit, to stop believing your own stories. The resistance is constant. So you must constantly fight against it, acknowledge the stories you create for yourself, look them in the eye and say, “You know what, I don’t care if she’s on her phone and her ass says ‘PINK’ on it, I want to meet her.”

These anxieties are manifestations of neediness and an unwillingness to be vulnerable. Typically, the needier you are in a certain area, the more anxiety you’ll have in that area.

Let’s say a beautiful woman sits down next to you and you want to say something to her but are scared to death. The fact that you’re scared to death demonstrates a high level of investment in her opinion of you, and thus a high degree of neediness. This neediness creates a fight-or-flight response in us — a surge of adrenaline, we begin sweating, our mind starts zipping at a million miles a minute, thinking of everything and nothing all at once — and if we do manage to utter a word, chances are we stutter and sputter and make a red-faced fool out of ourselves.

The first step to overcoming your fears is to figure out what your pattern is. When we are confronted with our fears or anxieties, we have a pattern or strategy that we usually use to deal with them. For instance, my most common pattern is apathy. Whenever I’m confronted with something I’m afraid of, I pretend — or scratch that, I convince myself — that I don’t actually care. Here are some of the most common patterns that I’ve noticed:

Experiencing apathy and avoidance is exactly as it says: it’s when a man convinces himself that he doesn’t care or that it’s not important to him.

The key to overcoming your fears is first and foremost to break your patterned response to your fear. This requires a certain level of self-awareness and discipline.

So here are some helpful ways to break your own pattern:

Men make negative assumptions and stereotypes about millions of women for no other reason than to shirk responsibility for their own shortcomings. This appears to me to be nothing but a victim mentality and it pervades a lot of men’s thinking, some in more obvious ways than others.

you’re choosing to let those observations be responsible for your own actions. This is the definition of being over-invested in others and being needy.