Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

when you practice taking responsibility for everything that happens in your life, you stop blaming others. It becomes less a question of blame and more a question of sacrifice. It’s no longer their fault that you’re still single because they’re all cold bitches, but now it’s your fault and a question of whether you’re willing to sacrifice the extra effort or not to find a woman who isn’t a cold bitch.

Challenge yourself to find the good and beautiful thing inside of everyone. It’s there. It’s your job to find it. Not their job to show you.

the more we masturbate, the more interested we become in food and television, and the less we become in women and accomplishing something.

Hill noticed and theorized that extremely successful men also had extremely high sex drives. And not only did they have very high sex drives, but they also channeled this sexual energy into their work and their accomplishments. Often they would abstain from sex or masturbation for long periods of time and would, therefore, feel more energized.

The next time you make your move, when she sees you coming — and trust me, she usually sees you coming — know that she’s already rooting for you. Secretly, she wants you to succeed as much as you do. And for a moment, she’s your biggest fan.

And your role as a man is to take action. It’s all on you. It’s always on you. You move things forward. And this is where the vast majority of men falter. An action as simple as opening your mouth, moving your feet in the right direction, or picking up the phone — they simply don’t do it.

Fear is normal. Everyone has it in some form, and it's not going away anytime soon. The trick isn't to eliminate it; it's simply to train yourself to behave despite it.

The actual way to deal with it is to accept it, embrace it, and harness it to make your performance better. In Buddhism, there’s a saying, “What you resist will persist.” And it’s true in this case as well. The proper way to handle your fear and your anxiety is to accept it, recognize that it’s normal and a part of who you are, and to not even try to hide it from the woman you’re meeting.

It’s like professional athletes who say they can’t sleep the night before a big game. They’re nervous, but they can’t wait to get out there. They’re confident in their ability and thrive on the pressure and the anxiety.

what matters isn’t the anxiety itself, but the person’s confidence in their own ability to perform whatever action they’re anxious about. So it’s less about the anxiety and more about how competent you feel you are. The less competent you feel, the more the anxiety will hinder you, the more confident you are in your ability, the more the anxiety will help you.

a lot of people assume non-neediness means being fearless. But non-neediness simply means to feel the fear and not let it define you. Non-neediness is feeling the fear and deciding that something else is more important. If I say or do something that screws everything up (and I still do all the time), I don’t really care. It doesn’t change how I feel about myself, and it doesn’t change my confidence in my ability to interact with women in the future.

Stalling out in conversation. Being comfortable talking about yourself.

Feeling fear and acting despite it builds courage. Any time you’re afraid to do something and feel some invisible force holding you back, yet you push through it anyway, you’re building courage within yourself.

The difference here is that courage involves acting against fear, whereas discipline involves acting against laziness or fatigue.

Bold actions require a lot of vulnerability and build non-neediness.

within social norms. Walking up to a group of six people sitting down, asking to speak to the most attractive woman for a moment, telling her that you find her beautiful and you’d like to take her out sometime, is quite bold. It’s bold because it requires a lot of courage to disrupt social norms and it requires quite a bit of vulnerability. But there’s a caveat here. You must know that you’re interrupting social norms. You must acknowledge that what you are doing is unusual. If you don’t, you’ll be seen as someone who is out of touch and oblivious, which is not attractive.

“You know, I’ve never done this before, and I know we just met, but why don’t you come to the restaurant with me?” “Excuse me, this is kind of random, but I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you.”

This is yet another argument for behaving in an assertive manner. This is also why one of my mantras that I tell men is, “Always err on the side of assertiveness.”

But bold behavior by itself will only go so far. Boldness must be molded by charismatic and efficient communication. Just behaving recklessly will attract some women to you, and will give you sexual opportunities (particularly in party environments), but without communicating in a charming and interesting manner, and without being aware of social norms, it’s unlikely you’ll get many women to stick around, and your relationships will not be that enjoyable.

Some dating advice tells men not to compliment a woman too early or too often. The reason for this is that most men who read dating advice have poor intentions: they’re needy and looking to validate themselves through sex or female affection. So when a man compliments a woman out of neediness, it’s going to make a woman feel uncomfortable and objectified. Now if a man compliments a woman out of genuine appreciation for her, she’s going to hear his intention and be genuinely appreciative of him as well.

Intention. Teasing is done with a fun and positive intention. Insults are done with a negative intention.

What is your intention? Are you trying to impress her (needy) and therefore bragging? Or are you sharing yourself (vulnerability) and therefore polarizing her?

women don’t see your features, they see how you present yourself. They don’t hear your words, they hear your intentions. If you suffer from chronic rejection, then you are presenting yourself poorly and/or have poor intentions.

There’s no such thing as a man who is adored by women who isn’t also creepy some of the time.

The fact of life is that if you are a man who expresses his sexuality freely (and you should), some women, some of the time, are going to find you creepy. It’s simply unavoidable. No matter how cool, rich, good-looking and charming you are, at some point, somewhere a woman is going to be creeped out by you. Live with it.

the way to interact with women in a vulnerable way and, therefore, the way to combat creepiness, is to accept that some women will find you creepy some of the time. Just as with rejection, the more you’re willing to risk it, the less it will happen.

The more reserved and closed up you are about your intentions, the more you attempt to manipulate her and mislead her about what you want and who you are, the more you disregard her feelings and actions toward you, the more likely you are to become creepy.

This is why I say that at some point you have to accept that you’re going to creep some women out and that’s OK. Because the alternative is to hide your sexuality and hope a woman comes to you — and well, we all know how well that works out.

Women actually don't sleep with most men they're attracted to because they would feel slutty or cheap. Her feeling slutty or cheap isn't about an "Oh, I put out on a first date," thing. It's not about number of dates, hours spent together, or how many dinners you bought her. Feeling slutty is about sleeping with a man who doesn't care about her or who hasn’t connected with her. If she doesn't trust you or isn't 100% convinced that you really like her and care about her, then she's not going to do it. And if she does, then she’ll regret it and feel dirty.

Becoming aware of your own emotions, motivations, and life story. - Taking the lead by sharing those emotions, motivations, and life story first. - Sharing first creates trust and encourages her to open up and share herself in return. - Ideally, the more this goes on, the more personal the stories become and the deeper the emotions are by which you connect.

Whatever it is, open up about it. Challenge yourself to go one level deeper.

And the most important rule of emotional connection is to relate to feelings, not facts. Seduction is about feelings, not facts. This is why you can often meet a woman who shares a lot in common with you — same home town, same occupation, same interests, lives on the same street — and have no connection or chemistry whatsoever.

As always, attractive social behaviors are rooted in a comfort with making yourself vulnerable, an honest expression of your desires, and ultimately, embodying non-neediness and investing in yourself.

When you see a beautiful woman, you should be motivated by nothing but your desire to get to know her.

that’s all the opener is trying to do: stop them and get them to talk to you for a second.

Using Effective Language: This is the easiest “quick fix” that you can apply to your communication skills. Using effective language means saying what you mean with the fewest words possible while still maintaining your meaning and intent.

In conversation and communication quality always wins out over quantity.

It also means removing “um,” “uh,” “ah,” “like,” “you know,” and other fillers from your everyday speaking.

Nothing screams a lack of sophistication like somebody who sprinkles “like” and “umm” throughout his stories constantly.

Creating threads of conversation through statement is far more powerful than questions. This is because it assumes rapport and instantly makes conversations more personally.

Cold reading is a skill where you’re able to intuitively “know” something about someone else without actually knowing

Instead of asking her a question about herself, you guess the answer to your question and then state

In each situation, the statement makes an educated guess and engages the woman far more than any question will.

This works because unlike questions, statements require no investment from the other person. You can say whatever you want and there’s no implicit expectation for her to generate conversation as well. Speaking in statements in this fashion — to generate spontaneous conversation — is important in that it forces you to share yourself with her. When you simply ask a girl questions, you aren’t giving any information about yourself, so it’s harder for her to trust you or build rapport.

When you are talking to a woman, there are only two real subjects of conversation: her and you. Everything you speak about should be, in some way, revealing your identity to her or her identity to you.

Be willing to share any part of yourself to anyone at any time and on any level. You have nothing to lose by sharing yourself. At the worst, she’ll reject you and, well, she’s going to reject you if all you do is talk about sports and your job anyway, so what’s the problem?

You want to get her to talk about her passions, her ambitions, her best experiences and her most vulnerable experiences. These are the topics that define us as humans and make us unique — that is, different from the last 20 guys who talked to her. These are the topics of conversation that will make you stand out.

The reason is that a strong sense of humor conveys all of the attractive traits of your identity to a woman. A man who can laugh easily at the world and who isn’t afraid to laugh at himself conveys a sense of non-neediness. He also makes women feel good around him and, therefore, more secure. A man who is very serious and unable to laugh at himself or the world conveys that he is heavily invested in the perceptions of the world around him and is therefore needy.

Humor is only useful if used in conjunction with leading her in a dominant manner and pushing things physically with her. Ultimately, you aren’t ever really attracting a woman unless you’re connecting with her physically and emotionally.

The way to prevent flakes is to meet and attract women who are so interested in you that they would never consider flaking.