More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Our job is not to attract every woman, but to screen for women with a high potential of being attracted to who we really are.
The world is what it is, it’s our job to simply present ourselves as boldly and clearly to it as possible, accept the reactions and move on the opportunities.
You will get rejected. But don’t worry. It’s a good thing.
Rejection exists for a reason — it’s a means to keep people apart who are not good for each other.
For practical purposes, we can divide up all of the women you’re attracted to into three categories: Receptive, Neutral and Unreceptive.
A good rule of thumb here is, “if you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”
The goal with Neutral women is to polarize them through your words and behaviors.
Which side she polarizes to is far less important than actually taking action.
You can recognize women who are Receptive in two ways: 1) they initiate with you, and/or 2) they reciprocate your actions enthusiastically.
Some examples of a woman initiating with you: - She makes strong eye contact with you and doesn’t break it. - She approaches you. - She touches you unprovoked. - She asks for your number or invites you out with her/her friends. - She asks you a lot of questions about yourself and seems genuinely interested in you. - She introduces you to her friends. - She gives you her number. - She comes up with some excuse/story/reason for you to hang out with her or spend time with her.
Here are some other common examples of reciprocation: - She ignores her friends to stay and talk to you. - She keeps very strong eye contact and laughs a little too much at everything you say. - When you touch her, she touches you in return. - When you put your arm around her, she leans into you. - When you take her hand to move somewhere, she holds it in return. - When you ask her out on a date, she offers a place to go or mentions something she’d like to do with you.
The goal with Unreceptive women is to identify them and move on as quickly as possible.
I don’t care how special you think she is, there’s another one out there who’s just as special who will be Receptive to you.
Trying to sabotage a woman’s relationship so you can swoop in and “steal” her is not only ineffectual but morally fucked up. It’s neediness and narcissism to an extreme degree.
Spitting straight facts.
flirting is like a hobby and they see it as harmless fun. If a woman is married or has a boyfriend and seems pretty happy in general and is flirting with me, then I don’t take the flirting too seriously.
I prefer to look at them like they are diseased, but to each their own.
Rejection, in this case, is often your friend, as we’ll see later.
When you meet a Receptive woman, the goal is simple. You escalate. You make a move. You move things forward — assuming you want to, of course.
The percentage of women who are Receptive to you will increase proportionally to the quality of your lifestyle, your social status, and your looks. The percentage of women that you’re able to move from Neutral to Receptive will be proportional to how good your “game” is, or how well you’re able to communicate and express yourself with women. And your ability to sort through each type of women and meet as many as possible will be determined by how fearless and bold you are when it comes to meeting women.
Polarizing women into rejecting us — and when I say us, I mean the real us, the vulnerable and unabashed us — does us a favor by sorting out which women are going to make us happy.
I've felt this way for some time, but it's nice to have a more professional opionion backing the concept.
Our primary strategy with women is polarization. The idea is that the more forthright you are about who you are, how you feel, and what you think, the more this is going to weed out Unreceptive Women from the Receptive women, as well as push Neutral women to get off the fence and decide how they feel about you.
Being hated by nobody usually means you’re not loved by anybody either.
You also deny yourself the kind of valid criticisms that only those who hate you will give.
The fact is that sexuality, attraction, and relationships are, by their very nature, confrontational and controversial. You have to either make the decision to accept being controversial and confrontational or you need to accept that you will go through life with everyone being Neutral towards you.
Everything that is attractive is polarizing.
Business guru Dan Kennedy once said, “Your ability to deal with the failure will determine how much you get to deal with success.”
Instead of thinking, “I wonder if she’ll like me,” think, “I wonder what she’s like?”
Remember, it’s “Fuck Yes!” or no. And if I’m not getting a “Fuck Yes!” then I’d much rather have a no than a “Meh, OK.”
This isn’t a shooting range we’re on here. We’re talking about the health of our emotional lives. Women and our relationships are one and the same with our emotional health, and so the way in which we perceive women and relationships is going to be reflected in our emotional well-being.
I define success in a qualitative way: maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women I prefer to be with.
There are three ways in which we are honest. And those three ways will make up the bulk of this book. The three ways are 1) living based on our values (lifestyle); 2) becoming comfortable with our intentions (boldness); and 3) by expressing our sexuality freely (communication).
Lifestyle, Courage, and Communication: I refer to these as the Three Fundamentals.
The Three Fundamentals are: 1. Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle. 2. Overcoming your fears and anxiety around socializing, intimacy and sexuality. 3. Mastering the expression of your emotions and communicating fluidly.
For short, I refer to the Three Fundamentals as Honest Living, Honest Action, and Honest Communication.
If you’re in a job you hate with hobbies you hate and friends you don’t like, then no matter what you do or how much money you make, you’re going to have a hard time meeting attractive women that you enjoy and who enjoy being with you.
About sums up my time in the military.
Honest Living correlates directly with the quality of women that you will attract.
Priority 1.
Honest Action correlates directly to the quantity of women you meet and attract.
Priority 3.
Honest Communication will determine the efficiency with which you are able to attract women who are compatible to you.
Priority 2.
Where your strengths and weaknesses lie will determine not just the quantity of your results with women, but also the types of outcomes you achieve.
As well as the kind of women with which you will be compatible.
A man with great communication skills but a lot of fear and a poor lifestyle will rarely meet or attract beautiful women, but the few times he does, he will capitalize on his few opportunities. Most so-called “normal” guys are like this. They rarely see opportunities, but when they come along, they take them and do well. The problem with these men is that they never feel like they’re in control of their love lives. They’re always waiting for that next woman who’s interested to come around. And sometimes they end up waiting quite a while.
Socially disconnected men are the opposite. These are men who have always been a little bit “oblivious” to what others think and feel around them. Usually, they’re guys who have always kind of kept to themselves and grew up more interested in their studies or some nerdy subject than the people around them.
Ah yes, my tribe. I call it being "socially tone-deaf."
The struggle for men in this category is going to be the third fundamental: learning how to express themselves and understanding how people think and feel around them. These men have little hesitance or fear for action, but they tend to do the wrong actions at the wrong times over and over and over, and they rarely understand why.
ultimately you should be working on your lifestyle for yourself first and foremost — the attractiveness to women is just an enjoyable side effect.
This question of where and in what context you meet women is what I call demographics,
The theory of demographics is simple and easy to remember: like attracts like. You attract what you are.
Like demograpic attracts like demographic. In other areas opposites attract - the desire to find in another what we do not have in ourselves/the exotic.
When demographics don’t match up, then it causes friction. And as we learned in Chapter 3, friction prevents attraction from turning into intimacy
She’s realized that she needs a man who is more responsible than she is
Here is an example of when opposite qualities can attract.
If you hate what she loves and she hates what you love, it’s not going to go anywhere. Period.
Here are examples of some great hobbies/events that you can use to meet women: - Dance classes (salsa, swing, ballroom, etc.) - Political organizations or events - Concerts and concert promotions - Amateur sports leagues (ultimate frisbee and co-ed volleyball tend to have a lot of women — women in good shape too) - Volunteering, charities, charities events (usually overloaded with great women) - Training courses (leadership, public speaking) - Cooking classes - Yoga classes (a goldmine) - Meditation courses and retreats - Self-help seminars and educational events - Travel groups (i.e., couch
...more
For instance, if you believe all women are sluts and untrustworthy, then the only women who are going to be willing to tolerate your judgmental attitude are promiscuous women who are untrustworthy. Social psychology refers to this as the assortment effect and it's been demonstrated in many studies.
Age, money, and looks matter — in some cases a lot, in other cases, not a lot, but they still matter. And anyone who tells you that they don’t matter is lying.
money/success matters more depending on your age. The older you are, the more money you’re expected to have and the more successful you’re expected to be in order to be attractive. The other finding is that the less wealthy she is, the more important money will be to her.
