Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

Stop looking at communication as the surface information and instead, pay attention to the emotions and motivations behind everything that you do and...

vulnerability is not a technique or tactic. It is a way of being. It’s not something you learn, it’s a mindset you practice.

Because a sexual connection is not something you achieve. It’s not a level in a video game that you beat. It’s not something you can strategize. It’s either there or it’s not.

the emotion behind your words is genuine and vulnerable, then it will turn her on, even

if you’re talking about your grocery list or how you named your dog.

Give women false compliments and see how they respond. They won’t respond very well. But communicate with honest appreciation and you’ll be amazed how she lights up in front of you.

So the catch is that everything you say must be as authentic as possible. There’s no shortcut. There are no tricks. You say it because you mean it and mean it because you say it. The more nervous it makes you, the better, because it means you’re being authentic and making yourself vulnerable.

And how vulnerable

you’re able to make yourself is based on how honest you are to yourself and others.

what I learned is that regardless of what you say to a woman, the intention and implications of why you are saying it are far more powerful than the words themselves.

You can say the lamest and grossest (or funniest, depending on your perspective) thing to women, and if the sub-communication is, “I really don’t care if you laugh or run away horrified, but here’s who I am, take it or leave it,” this sub-communicates a rock-bottom level of investment and an incredibly high level of vulnerability.

You may as well invest that time and effort in yourself and let your identity and honesty do all of the attracting for you.

why learn how to fake being cool, when you can just learn to become cool yourself?

Men avoid demonstrating an honest interest in a woman because they believe it will signify that they are too invested in her — i.e., it will show that they are needy. They think that when you say, “You’re cute and I wanted to meet you,” that translates roughly to, “Hi, I’m such a desperate loser that I’m just going to throw all of my desires out there right now and beg you to accept them.”

it’s not the actual behaviors or words themselves, it’s the intentions behind those words. There’s a world of sub-communication going on behind a man’s honest declaration of his interest. And it’s an attractive one.

“I’m totally OK with the idea of you rejecting me, otherwise I would not be approaching you in this manner. Therefore, I'm comfortable with myself and my prospects.”

The fact that he honestly expressed to her his intentions, that he put his nuts on the chopping block and made himself vulnerable to her immediately, actually sub-communicates non-neediness and attractiveness in itself. And on top of that, it shows desire for her, which is going to trigger her arousal.

what you actually say doesn’t matter; why you say it matters.

the actual lines you say will be personal and congruent to you and nobody else.

The Truth Is Always Shining Through

Women are generally quite intuitive to emotions, motivations, and social cues.

You cannot fake non-neediness for more than a moment. The only women you will manage to fake are women who are drunk or who are extremely needy themselves. Truth.

Vulnerability requires honesty, and honesty only works if it’s given unconditionally, with no strings attached. That means everything you say and do must be done without any ulterior motive. You are simply expressing your thoughts and feelings as they come to you, without inhibition, without shame.

Here’s the problem: human nature is such that we don’t trust people who like us if we don’t feel as though we earned it somehow. Imagine if some stranger came up to you, started complimenting you incessantly, buying you things, how would you react?

Men like this are broadcasting their neediness like a giant neon billboard coming out of their ass. They come up and gush to a woman about how amazing she is while they’ve only known her for 10 seconds. They buy her things with only knowing her for a few hours. What this man is signaling to her is, “I don’t know you, but I’m already going to do anything to win your approval, that’s how desperate I am.” And it comes across as pathetic.

A man with an attractive and interesting lifestyle, a man with high standards for himself and the relationships in his life, will take the time to get to know an attractive woman before soliciting her with gifts. He will wait until he feels strongly enough to genuinely give her a compliment. And if he talks to her and discovers that there is little that is interesting about her beyond her looks, then he will lose interest.

being a “nice guy” is never much different than being a narcissist. One only gives. The other only takes. But both are the same in their desperation for approval.

This is a subtle form of manipulation and, therefore, at its core, dishonest.

An attractive man expresses his interest unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. This arouses women and when they do reciprocate his interest, their interest is, in fact, a gift in return.

True honesty is only possible when it is unconditional. The truth is only the truth when it is given as a gift — when nothing is expected in return. When I tell a girl that she is beautiful, I say it not expecting anything in return.

I don’t use my compliments as a bargaining tool. I give them unconditionally. A needy man will give a woman a compliment without knowing her and wait expectantly for her to repay him in either her company or with thanks or with sexual favors. I will give compliments only when I am honestly inspired to give them, and usually after already meeting a woman and displaying to her that I’m willing to disagree with her, willing to be rejected by her and willing to walk away from her if it ever comes to that. This

When a compliment comes from a man seeking nothing in return, it’s a gift of truth, a piece of his vulnerability and infinitely more powerful as a result. And this honest compliment inspires women to

become more highly invested in return.

Paradoxically, seeking no investment from her will inspire her to invest ...

And when it is a gift, when it is honest, she recognizes and appreciates a man who genuinely appreciates her. These men are rare.

Women are people too (radical idea, I know). And as people, we all value those who genuinely value us, not expecting something in return.

The biggest aphrodisiac in the world is someone who likes you, ...

A woman’s desire is to be desired. But it has to b...

The point is that genuine no-strings-attached appreciation is rare in this world, particularly from men. Women value this and invest themselves in the

it’s about being less invested in others’ perceptions instead of NOT invested in others’ perceptions. It’s an important difference.

man who is needy and does not invest in himself is ultimately only capable of superficial interactions because his threshold for vulnerability is so low.

It’s impossible to be completely devoid of investment in other people. That’s how we’re wired. But it is always possible to invest and care about yourself more.

And strangely enough, brutal and angry honesty can turn a woman on just as much as the most genuine compliment.

it’s about the intention and sub-communication behind it.

When you’re willing to cut a woman off and tell her when you feel that she’s out of line, when you’re willing to tell a woman what you will and will not tolerate in your life, this sub-communicates the most powerful elements of attraction to her.

This is why it’s quite possible to piss a woman off and turn her on at the same time.

Narcissistic men often misconstrue this as a free ticket to tell people they’re always wrong or to basically do what they want without paying attention to the feelings of others.

Non-neediness means you respect yourself AND others. Narcissism means you only respect yourself. Neediness means you only respect others.

his perceived “problem” is simply him not stepping up and telling her what he’s willing to accept and not willing to accept in his relationships.

“Let me know when you’d like to get together again. If you’re not interested, that’s fine too.”