Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

Narcissistic women will use the narcissistic man to aggrandize themselves, to put themselves up and fulfill their own egotistical goals. Needy women

will tolerate a narcissistic man’s poor treatment of them because the needy woman is constantly in search of a feeling of greatness herself.

But low self-esteem women, particularly women with truckloads of emotional problems or a history of abuse, will gladly throw themselves onto the narcissistic man and bring him down with them.

It’s like swimming in the shallow end of the pool — yeah, you’re swimming, but it’s not nearly as rewarding as the deep end, and there’s piss everywhere.

The problem with narcissism is that it defines itself by getting what it wants from others. A man who is narcissistic only feels non-needy if he’s dominating somebody else and if someone else is giving him what he wants. And in that subtle way, he is therefore more invested in others than he is in himself. He is therefore still needy and unattractive.

To give an example, if a non-needy man meets a woman who rejects him or is not interested in him, he will assume that is was either an incompatibility or that it was just not the right situation. Either way, he will see it as the right thing to have happened.

He understands that the world isn’t about him and that all he can control is himself and his own actions. He’s not bothered when things don’t go his way or when people don’t recognize him as being amazing because he already feels amazing himself. He doesn’t need their approval and their disapproval doesn’t faze him from his mission.

Some of the girls Roy slept with were genuinely intrigued by Roy and wanted to get to know him better.

These women quickly got the picture that Roy was neither stable nor an enjoyable person to spend time with, so they moved on.

Some of these women simply wanted to be validated by having sex. In which case,

Roy fucked them and never heard from them again.

But for many others, their neediness was deeper than that. These women desperately craved emotional validation as well as sexual validation. They would launch into crying fits, call Roy dozens of times over the c...

if every girl you date is unstable and crazy, that’s a reflection of your emotional maturity level. It’s a reflection of your confidence or lack of confidence. It’s a reflection of your neediness. Non-needy people don’t date needy people and vice-versa. They can’t because there’s no attraction to begin with.

The key to non-neediness is to have both: respect for both oneself and for women.

And the way a man becomes more attractive himself is by investing in himself, in becoming less needy.

Permanent change to one’s investment and neediness in one’s relationships with women is hard and is a process that encompasses all facets of one’s life. But it’s a worthwhile journey. As

The key is vulnerability.

think of vulnerability in a more broad way. Not just emotional vulnerability (although we’ll get to that), but physical vulnerability, social vulnerability.

mean being willing to share your fears or insecurities. It can mean putting yourself in a position where you can be rejected, saying a joke that may not be funny, asserting an opinion that may offend others, introducing yourself to a group of people you don’t know, telling a woman that you like her and want to date her. All of these things require you to stick your neck out on the line emotionally in some way. You’re making yourself vulnerable when you do them.

power. It’s courageous, even. A man who’s able to make himself vulnerable is saying to the world, “Screw the repercussions; this is who I am, and I refuse to be anyone else.” He’s saying he is non-needy and high status.

One stands tall, looks straight ahead. Looks people in the eye when he speaks to them. Says what he thinks and is comfortable if some people disagree with him. When he makes a mistake, he shrugs it off and apologizes if necessary. When he sucks at something, he admits it. He’s unafraid to express his emotions, even if that means he gets rejected because of them sometimes. He has no problem moving on to people who don’t reject him, but instead like him for who he is.

you’re bad with women because you don’t express your true feelings and intentions very well.

Perhaps you’re afraid to introduce yourself to women you find attractive or to ask them out on a date. Perhaps you consistently fall into boring conversation topics because they’re “safe” and shallow and you don’t have to risk offending or inciting anyone with them. Perhaps you don’t assert yourself and your desires enough. Perhaps you hide from your own sexuality and become scared or nervous when people expose theirs.

Dressing extremely well makes you feel uncomfortable, smiling at strangers makes you feel creepy, and the idea of hitting on a woman openly scares you because of the possibility of rejection. All of these are symptoms of a root problem: an inability to be vulnerable.

we’ve grown up with deeply embedded habits designed to keep us stifled and bottled up. Don’t be controversial. Don’t be unique. Don’t do anything “crazy” or “stupid” or “selfish.”

Connecting with women in this way, by being vulnerable — as opposed to performance or narcissism — will result in some of the best interactions and relationships of your life.

Vulnerability is the path of true human connection and becoming a truly attractive person. As psychologist Robert Glover once said, “Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges.”

Show your rough edges. Stop trying to be perfect. Expose yourself and share yourself without inhibition. Take the rejections and lumps and move on because you’re a bigger and stronger man. And when you find a woman wh...

That first time you pick up the phone to call a girl you like. The first time you go in for the kiss. These are nerve-wracking moments that are not very pleasant to go through.

It’s especially difficult if you’ve already had success in the past through performance or narcissism. Practicing vulnerability often means that you will have to “get worse before you get better.”

As vulnerability researcher Brene Brown says, “The less you talk about your shame, the more of it you have.”

lame beta thing that every pick up book told me to never, ever, ever do: I asked her if we could get to know each other better first.

early on, when the neediness and vulnerability come out, it's awful. It’s not sexy. In fact, it’s usually incredibly unattractive and uncomfortable.

But that’s part of the process. The Pain Period. Slowly, you become comfortable with it. You become unattached to it.

himself. A non-needy man is comfortable showing his flaws because he’s more comfortable with how he feels about himself than how others feel about him.

Sharing yourself openly with others forces that transition between the two: from needy and afraid of what others think, to non-needy and comfortable in how you feel about yourself. The reason is because sharing these truths about yourself forces you to own them and accept them, and also demonstrates that feeling embarrassed or ashamed is just that, just another feeling, another

But there are some issues that can only be dealt with by women you’re seeing: particularly intimacy and sexual issues.

You’ll humble yourself, expose yourself, and then learn that it’s OK. It’s OK to be rejected. It’s OK to make mistakes. It’s OK to say something stupid. Don’t give up. Women will not dislike you for your rejections and mistakes or saying something stupid.

They’ll like you for your ability to be OK with being rejected, to make mistakes, and to say something stupid. The man who always has the perfect line to say to her is a man she will not trust because he shows no vulnerability and his words are inauthentic and, therefore, needy.

Become comfortable with being imperfect. It’s your rough edges she’ll be attracted to.

The worst part of the pain period is the fact that most people who have been stifling their emotions their entire lives have a lot of pent-up anger, frustration, and shame. Typically, the older you are, the more you have pent up. And when you start to express this anger and shame, the uglier it gets.

We always think that we’re the ones who

are fine. It’s everyone else who is screwed up.

if you consistently find it difficult to keep a woman interested in conversation; if you suffer from large amounts of anxiety around women; if you constantly feel a need to prove something ...

Ultimately, what women want — what we all really want — is a strong, independent, non-needy partner who fulfills us, who we can share ourselves with and receive them in return.

means opening up about your values, desires, feelings, and dreams. It means exposing your shame and insecurities and doubts and fears. It means living with somebody on an emotional plane, inhabiting that same heart-space together because that’s the one thing we can’t ever achieve by ourselves.

It’s not about words or behaviors, it’s about intentions. So if you’re going around telling sob stories and talking about insecurities to get laid, women will sense that and you will be a creep.

And all performance is neediness.

if you go around saying and doing whatever you want around women in the name of “expressing yourself,” this, too, will not “work” because your intention is not to connect with her and get to know her, but rather simple self-grat...

all narcissism comes from...