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I am a bad person trying very hard to be a good person,
"I'm sorry," Neil said, when in reality he was a little jealous. Both she and Wymack lost their parents to prison violence, but no one dared attack his father. It would solve a world of problems for Neil if a few inmates could just work up enough aggression and courage.
But mostly he thought about them as the people he'd spent the evening with, the people he was getting to know almost against his will. They'd never be perfect, but they were going to be all right. They'd come to the Foxhole Court as fractured messes but they were fixing each other one semester at a time. Even Kevin was going to come out of this on top. He wasn't going to fade into obscurity like Tetsuji and Riko thought he would; he would ride the Foxes' resurgence to the top and reclaim his place in the spotlight.
Renee said, "I'm not Andrew's type, Neil. There's nothing between us."
"When I said I wasn't Andrew's type, I meant it. It's not about my looks or faith. It's that I'm a woman." Neil heard her words but was slow to understand them. He blinked at her in confusion, blinked again when it clicked, and said a little too loudly, "Oh. Then Andrew and Kevin—"
He was more curious how Kevin found room in his heart for someone else when he lived and breathed Exy. It seemed impossible that a man could be so devoted to more than one thing.
"Then why can I know?" Neil asked. "Perhaps he knows you won't use it against him," Renee said.
"So what am I supposed to do?" Neil asked. "Be moral support and back-up," Nicky said. "If I go to Andrew with this, he'll either laugh me off or pretend he doesn't hear me. But he listens to you, right? I mean, you talked him into a team party. Maybe you can talk him into a family dinner somehow."
Please, Neil? I want my mom back. I miss her more than you know."
"Tick tock," Andrew said. "You have my attention; now keep my interest." "Nicky's mother called." "Oops, time's up."
"She was not my mother." Andrew waited a beat to make sure Neil understood and made a cutting gesture with his hand. "Cass, though, Cass? Cass would have been. She really wanted to be. Oh, you don't know. Here's a story for you, Neil. Listening? Cass wanted to keep me. She wanted to adopt me. Andrew Joseph Spear, she said. She collected all the paperwork but she wouldn't file without my consent. She thought I was old enough to choose."
"What did Cass do to you?" Andrew looked surprised. "Cass would never do anything to me."
"That's too easy. These kinds of secrets are not given out lightly. You know that. We calculate collateral damage and escape routes. We plan and brace for the reaction and fallout. But Luther did not tell. He chose to not believe me at all. And that's a thousand times worse, you see."
"He said it was a misunderstanding." The way Andrew went so perfectly still, if only for a second, told Neil he was right.
"Please?" "I hate that word."
"Did you really kill Aaron's mother?" "That was a tragic accident. Didn't you read the police reports?" Andrew affected innocence but the twitch at the corner of his mouth gave him away. Andrew gave up the farce a couple seconds later and laughed. "Guess she hit him one time too many. I warned her not to lay a hand on him, but she didn't listen to me. She got what was coming to her. Does that frighten you, Neil?" "My first memories are of people dying," Neil said. "I'm not afraid of you." "That's why you're so interesting," Andrew said. "How aggravating."
Nicky scrambled to his feet. "That's what I wanted, but I didn't really think you'd get it, especially not on the first try. I just knew you were my best shot at getting Andrew to listen. You're amazing, you know that?" He yanked Neil into a fierce hug before Neil thought to dodge. "Oh, you just might be the best thing to happen to the Foxes."
"How did you do it?" Neil neatly excised ninety percent of the truth and said, "I asked."
"Why are you so special?" Matt asked. "I'm not," Neil said, confused. "Andrew doesn't give ground to anybody. Why does he keep saying yes to you?" "He's high," Neil said, twirling a finger near his temple. "He thinks it's funny."
He just hoped he'd be fast enough if worse came to worst.
STOP
It was time to add power to his speed, or so Kevin said.
He'd given Kevin control of his game and trusted Kevin to make the most of his potential. If Kevin thought he could handle this, Neil wouldn't let him down. It might mean working twice as hard as he had up until now, but he'd meet Kevin's expectations somehow.
He supposed he should be grateful he was at least taller than Andrew and Aaron were.
"They don't feel right," he said. "A tear for your discomfort," Andrew said, completely unsympathetic.
Andrew laughed. "I never took you for a dreamer. You are so strange sometimes."
People talked about his trial and how it saved them from Andrew. No one said what they were doing to save Andrew from himself.
Are you afraid of your own happiness or do you honestly like being miserable all the time?"
Despite that, the sound the balls made as they ricocheted off the wall sent a dark curl of power through his veins. Every rebound was a small boom. Neil could only imagine what it'd sound like when he could put real speed behind his swings again. His shots would be missiles aimed at the goal, and he'd leave goalkeepers startled in his wake.
Nicky drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "Maybe this was a mistake." "Oh, now he says it," Andrew said, and got out of the car. "Too late."
She looked to the twins next, but her gaze slipped past Aaron entirely. She smiled at Andrew and said, "Aaron, it's been a long time." "Aaron," Aaron answered.
Neil's mother might have been awful and violent at times, but she was fiercely devoted to him.
"Yes, we're still together. I came back to take care of Andrew and Aaron, not because things went sour with Erik. I love him, okay? I always have and I always will. When are you going to get that?"
Andrew said. "I am only here because Neil whined at me until I agreed to come along. Leave me out of this."
"I'll find Andrew," Neil promised in English. "There is no need to worry," Maria said before Neil could duck inside again. "In fact, I think it's promising he has been gone this long. He'll come back when he's finished speaking with Drake." Neil's heart skipped a beat. "What?"
Aaron had a hand up to pound on the door, so Neil shoved his racquet at Aaron. Aaron grabbed hold of it instinctively. Neil took a half-second to brace himself and drove the heel of his foot into the door as close to the knob as he could. Wood splintered around his shoe and his heel almost got caught on the jagged edges when he yanked it free.
Drake said something. Neil didn't know what. He'd remember the words later, the angry demand to know what they were doing barging in like this. Right now Drake's voice was just a roar in Neil's ears, or maybe that sound was Neil's world crashing down around him. He didn't know.
Neil saw too much blood and too much skin. He knew what he was seeing, knew what this meant, but couldn't believe it yet. That didn't stop him from leaping at Drake. Aaron was faster. He barreled past Neil almost hard enough to take Neil off his feet. Drake looked like he could take any of them in a fight, even with his pants around his ankles, but he was too tangled in the sheets to get up fast enough. Aaron wasn't waiting for him to figure it out. He brought Neil's racquet up and around in an underhanded swing so hard and fast air whistled through the tight strings. The head caught Drake in
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AARON MINYARD WAS FASTER! HE WAS FASTER FOR ANDREW! HE WAS FASTER THAN NEIL TO SAVE HIS BROTHER!
The next crash was Neil's racquet slipping from Aaron's nerveless fingers to the floor. Neil couldn't look at him, couldn't look at Drake, couldn't look at anything or anyone but Andrew.
He held onto the headboard like his hands were glued to it, and he was laughing.
Neil dove forward and climbed onto the mattress at Andrew's side. He reached over him, snagged the edge of the sheets, and gave a fierce yank to free it from Drake's corpse. Neil only had the bloody sheet partway over Andrew's body before Kevin reached them. Neil didn't know how much Kevin saw. He couldn't look back to see Kevin's reaction, but the thud said Kevin recoiled from the sight
"Hey," Neil said, or thought he said. He didn't recognize his own voice. "Andrew. Andrew, are you—" He couldn't ask if Andrew was okay. He wasn't that cruel. He would beg Andrew to stop laughing if he could but every word he spoke threatened to set off his gag reflex. All he could do was hang on, fingers knotted in the sheet he'd gotten up to Andrew's shoulders.
WHAT IF I JUST KMS
Neil could feel Andrew trembling through the sheet, but Andrew's body and mind were operating on two different wavelengths. Andrew's grin was wide and savage as he mocked his own pain. Neil wanted to tell him to hold still, but Andrew finally got himself upright. The sheet threatened to slip off his shoulders, so Neil wrapped it tighter around him. Andrew let him do it with a bemused look on his face. Blood was smeared and half-dried in a line down his cheek to his chin from a gash at his temple.
Andrew saw Neil's glance. "I think I'm concussed. Either that or this is a new side effect of my medication the doctors forgot to warn me about. If I throw up on you it is only half-intentional."
The strangled noise Aaron made was his best attempt at Andrew's name.
Imma cry
Aaron clambered onto the bed and reached for Andrew.
MY TWINYARDS😭
"Andrew," Aaron said, desperate and frightened. He held onto Andrew like he thought Andrew would disappear if he let go. "Andrew, I didn't—he—"
Andrew spat a couple times and gasped for breath. "Quiet, quiet. Quiet. Look at me," he said, but it took him a while longer before he could sit up and face Aaron again. He pressed a hand to Aaron's bloodied shirt. "It's everywhere. What did he do?" "It's not mine," Aaron said. "It's not mine, it's—Andrew, he—"
Andrew knotted his fingers in Aaron's hair and yanked to shut him up. "Answer me. I said, did he touch you?" "No," Aaron said. "I'm going to kill him," Andrew said. "He's already dead," Neil said.
Andrew tried tilting back out of his reach, but he was too nauseous and unsteady to move fast enough. Nicky cradled Andrew's face in his hands.
"Looks like I was right about him after all. Or do you still think this is all a big misunderstanding? Go on, tell me again how I'm too unbalanced to understand normal brotherly affection and love. Tell me this is natural."
