More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
"Hey, Luther," Andrew said. "Speaking of misunderstandings, am I remembering this wrong, or didn't you promise me you would talk to Cass? You told me she wasn't going to foster any more children after me, but apparently she's had six more since I left juvie. Six, Luther. I'm no good at math but even I know that six is an awful lot higher than zero. How many do you think were in her house when Drake was home between deployments? "Now you let him into your house," Andrew said. "You put him under the same roof as your son, as my brother. After everything I did to keep them away from each other?"
...more
Aaron's face was white with fear and horror. "This has happened before." He said it low, like he was afraid the words would make it real. Aaron stared at Andrew like he'd never seen Andrew before in his life. Andrew didn't bother returning the look, so Aaron finally dragged his attention to Luther's face. "This has happened before, and you knew about it. You knew what he'd done and you brought him here anyway."
He peeled his armbands off one at a time and dropped them in Neil's lap. He said something, but Neil didn't hear him. The pale shade of scarred skin was too familiar and too startling for him to not react. Neil grabbed hold of Andrew's wrist. He started to turn Andrew's arm over, sure he'd imagined things, but Andrew clamped his free hand down on Neil's forearm. "Andrew," Neil started. "Just so we're clear, I'll kill you."
Neil loosened his grip but spread his fingers as he did so. He felt the slight dip and bump of destroyed skin beneath his fingertips and felt his stomach drop. Andrew wrenched Neil's hand off his arm, but he did it in a way that kept his bared forearm turned toward himself.
"Get rid of those," Andrew said. "Pigs don't like it when people like me carry weapons."
They were Andrew's family but they were as oblivious as everyone else when it came to Andrew.
"Andrew," Neil said again. "Do us a favor," Andrew said. "Let's no one talk for a while."
He wanted them to take statements, eyeball the obvious details of the gruesome scene, and shake Aaron's hand on their way out. The last time Neil saw Aaron, though, he was being led down the stairs in cuffs.
Neil watched his knuckles go white on the door as he leveraged himself into the car, but it wasn't until Andrew laughed and said, "Ouch," that Neil understood how much pain Andrew was still in.
A knife wouldn't hurt this much. Andrew's words punched the breath out of Neil's lungs; he took a stumbling step back in a desperate bid for balance. He wanted to say this wasn't his fault, but they both knew it was. Andrew hadn't told him about Drake, but he'd said Luther betrayed his trust. Instead of listening to that, Neil sided with Nicky's hopeful grief. He hadn't invited Drake to South Carolina, but he'd delivered Andrew into his waiting arms.
Guilt was a relatively new emotion for Neil, something the Foxes were teaching him through prolonged exposure to them. Up until this point he'd felt it in uncomfortable, fleeting bursts. Now it was a fierce, all-consuming heat that made him want to cut his own stomach out. He didn't know if he was going to puke or scream. Neither one was acceptable, so he clenched his teeth as hard as he could. Meeting Andrew's eyes was almost impossible. Looking away would be unforgivable.
"Is this how you stayed quiet?" Neil reached up and took hold of Andrew's wrist. He couldn't feel the scars through the cotton sleeve but he didn't need to. He knew they were there. Andrew knew what he was talking about, judging by how still he went. His smile didn't even flicker but Neil wasn't fooled. "Did you do this so you wouldn't tell her the truth about her son?" "Maybe I did."
"Better luck next time, Neil," he said. "I warned you once already, didn't I? I don't feel anything." "Anymore," Neil said, barely a whisper. The old scars up and down Andrew's wrists were evidence of how far Andrew had to fall to hit this point.
"If I were you I'd be more concerned with Nicky. He came down here thinking he was going to fix his family, but now his entire family's fallen apart." "He is lucky to have a friend like you worrying about him." "I'm not his friend," Neil said. "I'm his teammate." "Are you not his, or he not yours?" Betsy asked, and when Neil just looked at her, said, "They are distinctly different matters and it is possible to have one without the other. I'm sorry if I'm making assumptions, but it seems to me that he views you as a friend."
"Do you have any idea how much it cost?" Neil asked. "Yes, I want it back." "It wouldn't bother you that it was used as a murder weapon?" "It didn't kill anyone important."
After his childhood home in Baltimore, the Hemmicks' house was the last place in the world Neil wanted to be. Andrew's car was still parked at the curb, and Betsy pulled up behind it. She offered Neil a key, but Neil made no move to take it. His brain connected the pieces but refused to accept the final picture. Andrew wouldn't even let Aaron and Kevin drive his car.
She knew just like he did how cruel it was to keep Andrew on his drugs, and she'd already reached out to the people who could help him.
Neil sat on the bed between them. It was pointless to ask if Nicky was all right; anyone with eyes could see he wasn't. The best he came up with was an insubstantial, "Hey." "We shouldn't have come here," Nicky said, sounding as wretched as he looked. "I should have listened all those times Andrew told me to give up on them. If I had we wouldn't be here right now. Andrew wouldn't—" Nicky closed his eyes and sucked in a deep, unsteady breath. "What have I done?" "You didn't do anything," Neil said. He searched for words, but the ones he found weren't his. They were Wymack's, shared with Neil to
...more
"We researched him," Kevin said at last, voice thick with some unknown emotion. It wasn't grief and wasn't quite guilt. "We looked before we offered him a spot on the line. We didn't see anything about this. No one knew." "He didn't want anyone to," Neil said,
"Kevin," Andrew called from out of sight. Kevin nearly knocked the chair over in his hurry to answer. Neil watched from the doorway as Andrew stopped almost right up against Kevin. Andrew pat Kevin down for imaginary injuries and Kevin stood motionless until he was done.
Andrew spun back toward Betsy, delighted by Kevin's reaction. "Look at that face, Bee. He wants me sober more than almost anyone does, but only if the timing's right. I warned you, didn't I? Who will take care of Kevin if I'm gone? I can't trust him wandering around here by himself, and Coach can't be with him all the time. Kevin's kind of a full-time job."
"I'll watch him," Neil said. Kevin turned to stare at him, and Andrew pushed Kevin out of the way so he could see Neil better. Neil had startled the smile off Andrew's face with that, but it was back in a heartbeat. "You?" Andrew asked. That was all he said, but that one word said enough.
"Oh, Neil," Andrew said, and switched into German. "You and I both know you have a dreadful sense of humor, so this can't be a joke. What do you think you're saying? What are you trying to do?" "Take responsibility," Neil said in German.
"If I was going to leave I would have done so at the banquet when Riko called me by my name," Neil said. "I won't lie and say I didn't think about it, but I decided to stay. I trusted you more than I was scared of him. So trust me now if you can. I'm not going anywhere. I'll take care of Kevin until you return."
"Trust you." Andrew enunciated each word like he'd never heard them before. He laughed curled his fingers tight around Neil's chin. "You lie, and lie, and lie, and you think I'll trust you with his life?" "Then don't trust 'Neil'," Neil said. "Trust me." "Oh, but who are you? Do you have a name?" "If you need one, call me Abram."
"I'm named after my father," Neil said. "Abram is my middle name; it's the name my mother used when she was trying to protect me from his work." It was the name he went by at his little league practices so the coach would actually let him play. It was strange hearing it aloud when no one had called Neil "Abram" in eight years. "Ask Kevin if you don't believe me. He would know."
Neil waited, but Andrew didn't let go. With so many people watching them Neil couldn't lift his shirt. He did the next best thing and dragged one of Andrew's hands under the hem. He pressed Andrew's palm to the ugly scarring across his abdomen. Andrew's eyes dropped to Neil's shirt like he could see Neil's marred skin through the dark cotton.
"Do you understand?" Neil asked. "Nothing Riko does will make me leave him. We will both be here when you get back." Andrew's fingers twitched against Neil's skin. "Someone lied to me. These ouches feel a little rough for a child on the run."
Speaking of unpredictable assholes, when did that happen?" "When did what?" Neil asked. Wymack eyed him. "Forget it."
"What about the season?" Kevin asked. "What about Riko?" "What about Andrew? Attempt to think about someone and something else for just a moment there." Wymack waited a beat to make sure that accusation sunk in. "I know you're scared, but he needs this, Kevin. He's not any good to you until he gets his shit sorted, and he can't sort a damn thing when he's buzzing three miles off the ground. You know that."
Wymack let them get all the way to the door before calling, "Andrew. Don't leave me alone with these morons for too long. I'm getting too old to deal with their drama." "Oh, you and me both," Andrew said.
Andrew was gone.
"He's already gone, isn't he?" Aaron said. "Yes," Neil said. "They tried to make him stay, but he wanted to be gone before you got back. He didn't want to talk to you." "There's a change of pace." Aaron's mocking tone fell flat.
"I don't care." Aaron gave a savage jerk of his hand. "I don't care if Andrew never speaks to me again. I don't care about Cass or Drake or anyone. What Drake did—no. If I could bring him back from the dead and kill him again I would." "Good," Neil said quietly. "So now you understand why Andrew killed your mother."
"Why he—what? That isn't the same. He didn't do that for me." "He told me he did," Neil said. "I didn't even have to ask him. He warned her to stop hitting you and she wouldn't. He had no choice but to get rid of her. Just like last night, right? Drake was hurting Andrew, and you made him stop. "Except I lied," Neil said, getting to his feet. "Unlike you, he's not angry that you interfered. I just said that because I needed you to understand."
Neil hadn't realized Katelyn was standing with them, as she'd been neatly hidden behind Matt's much-taller body. She looked as uncertain as she did agonized, as if she wasn't sure of her reception. She needn't have worried, because Aaron nearly pushed Nicky out of his way when he saw her. As soon as he started for her, Katelyn ran down the hall to meet him. She threw her arms around him and pulled him close. Aaron held onto her like she was the only thing keeping him upright and let her pull his face into her shoulder. Neil heard her voice, but not what she was saying. It was muffled where
...more
"Thank you," Nicky said, quiet but fervent. "I don't know why you did it, but—thanks." "Mom said she still owed you guys," Matt said. "Coach wouldn't take her money when she offered it last year, so she figured this was just as good."
Neil fixed Kevin with a stony look. "Maybe if you'd stuck around a moment longer you'd understand why I don't care anymore. When you came upstairs, did you hear him laughing, Kevin? He was," he said, ignoring the way Nicky flinched and the quick look Dan shot Matt, "before Drake even hit the ground. So yes, even I would give up this season. And after everything he's done and every risk he's taken for you, you'd better feel the same."
Neil finally recognized the name. James Rhemann was the head coach for the USC Trojans, one of the Big Three in NCAA Exy. USC didn't have Edgar Allan's flawless record, but the Trojans were known for their sportsmanship. They'd won the Day Spirit Award seven years straight and had yet to receive a single red-card: an impossible feat considering their long history and their ranking. It made sense Wymack would turn to them for help first.
"When Andrew finds out you've stolen his car," Matt started, but left the rest of the threat unspoken. "Andrew knows," Neil said. "He left me his key."
He should just let it go, or at least leave it to think about later, but Neil couldn't resist. "Are we?" he asked, because hadn't Betsy said it just a few days ago? He hadn't understood it then and hadn't even tried, too angry and upset over everything else that was happening. Tonight it almost meant something, though what, Neil didn't know. Realizing Nicky couldn't follow his twisting train of thought, Neil forced himself to say, "Friends?"
He wondered what it meant; he wondered if it could mean anything to someone like him. He had Riko right in front of him, his father's ghost behind him, and six months before Nathaniel laid "Neil Josten" to rest for good. Having friends wouldn't change anything. But would it really hurt? He didn't know. There was only one way to find out.
When Nicky asked Neil what his favorite dish was, Neil could have lied and referenced any of the stereotypical foods he knew were associated with Thanksgiving. Instead he practiced a little bit of honesty
It's about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we chose. This one," Nicky emphasized, gesturing between them. "The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about."
Busy_beereader and 4 other people liked this
Kevin had watched the exchange where he was sitting against the entertainment center. When Nicky sighed and subsided, Kevin spoke up in French. "I will watch you. If you want to drink tonight," he added when Neil looked at him. "I won't let you say something you'll regret."

