B.L.’s Comments (group member since Dec 15, 2012)

B.L.’s comments from the A Wild in Colbie group.

"I went through a lot of stuff for a long time, and i'm still not over it, i don't think i ever will be. I want.....to think like other people do but i can't. I'v never been normal, i don't know what it feels like" says Soren, his eyes alight with the pain of his past.

Soren nods in understanding, "It's hard to be not normal in a world full of people who try so hard to be and can't understand why we just....aren't" he says.

Kol squeezes her hand and kisses Rory's forehead, "He's growing up Ror, he's almost a teenager, we're just going to have to get used to him lashing out. It isn't just you, he's been snarky with me too, he doesn't hate us, i think he just wants to express himself and that comes out as anger. I really get it, i was exactly like him, we have to let him have some space, he might never be the mummy's boy he once was, but you'll get your relationship back eventually if you work at it" says Kol carefully.

Kol turns to Rory from the floor and gets up to sit next to her, Kaiden grips onto his dad tightly and Kol says "It's alright mate, i'm just going to sit with mummy, you carry on playing with you're cars", Kaiden lets go reluctantly and starts to line up all his cars, as if for a race. Kol smiles and sits next to Rory, he unknots her hands and takes one in his, "Jace has gone out with his mate Kasper, you kow, Ever's son, they're down the park, he needed a bit of head space. When he comes back we'll have some tea and then talk properly alright, it's just going to take some time" says Kol.

Ever nods and places a hand on Brayden's chest, she can feel his heartbeat under her palm. Ever looks up into his face and slides her hand up to his face, she touches him tentatively so she doesn't hurt him.

"Good, good, we can be weird and get given strange looks by everyone together then" jokes Soren with a smal smile.

Kol comes in through the doorway and says "Rory, stop. Now. Jace go downstairs wit you're brother", Kol's voice doesn't hold anger, but it is strained. Jace does wht his dad says and gets up, but before he leaves the room Jace looks at his mum, her outburst has just reinforced his anger, his eyes are dead with numb acceptance, "You're a liar, i hate you" he says and then runs downstairs. Kol looks at Rory and shakes his head "What the hell was that Rory, you cannot talk to him like that, he's a child, he's upset, and rightly so, and why are you dragging me down with you? If he starts to get angry with both of us then we're screwed. I told you to give him time, not have bloody go at him. He's our son, we HAVE to keep it together, WE have to be better, stronger, for them, if they can't rely on us for that then what the hell is the point. I'm ot saying we need to be perfect, but we cannot think of ourselves, or our pain, our pain doesn't matter, when are you going to get that. Calm down and then come back down stairs so we can sort out this mess", Kol speaks calmly, he can feel history almost repeating itself and it hurts even more because there is nothing he can do about it. Kol leaves to go down to his sons. He loves Rory, but is boys have to come first. Obviously they all had a lot of work to do.

"Not when i feel physically sick whenever i have to talk to people, and being around too many makes me have a bloody panic attack" says Soren with frustrated sigh "I'm not complaining, it's just fact".

Jace yanks his hand away from her's after a moment and his eyes fill with a bright anger that makes his whole body tense noticeably. "You didn't leave when you could though....when that arsehole was at home with me and MY LITTLE BROTHER. Dad says you did the best you could, that you were afraid and that you wanted to keep us safe. Dad isn't stupid, but he loves you...a lot, so anything he says will be to defend you, always. It's all bullshit though. If you wanted us saf you just had to leave, you just had to get dad to have us, but you didn't, it was never about us, and what you did after I was born, i know all about that....it's just one fucking thing after another. I always thought it wasn't you're fault, that thats just the way things are but the last almost 3 years have been alright, we got on with things, nothing horrible happened. We we're actually happy.". Jace cannot control his rage, it spirals through him like a tidal wave.

Jace's hands tighten into fists, his temper had always been short, but he counts to 10 in his head and thinks of all the reasons not to get angry, like Kol taught him. Kol says slowly "But you did".

"I'm still womndeirng if my story will have a good or ba ending. There was a time when i thought there was no possible way it could end without pain and hatred, but now.....now i have no idea what might happen" says Soren. In his life, things had always gone horrbily badly, and now the scarres of his past won't allow him to make a difference to his future, beinga round people isn't something he will ever get used to. What kind of life is it where you'll never have anyone to love you. His mum had said many times that Soren would end up alone, because no one could ever love him, those words were just hateful, Soren knows, but that still doens't stop them from being true.

(I'll play Jace for a minute alright x)

Kol sighs, he knows Jace doesn't hate his mum, he's just resentful of everything thats happened. So much for a fresh start. Kol goes into the living room to see Kaiden, Kaiden looks up at his dad, the hope in Kaiden's eyes almost kills Kol. Kol sits down next to Kaiden and pulls him into his lap, "Is J mad at mummy?" asks Kadien turning to face his dad. Kol thinks for a moment and then says"Hes just upset Kaid, mummy's gone to talk to him. But none of us are angry at you, so yo on't ave to worry, we all love you".

Kaiden is led on his bed, arms crossed, the duvet is a dark blue to match the walls, but the room is suprisingly light because of the extra window. Kol and Jace painted the room together and built the bed. Lots of things had changed in the last almost 3 years, Jace had started secondary school and he was doing alright, he liked to write just like his dad. When Kaiden see's his mum coming in through the door he slams all his walls up and doesn't say anything.

“Just because you know the ending to a story is bad, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read the rest and go along for the ride. Because when it comes to love the story is more important than what happens in the end. No epic romance was ever written for the ending” says Soren, his lips twist into a soft smile. Audrey is sweet, a pretty and sweet girl who doesn't think he's a complete weirdo...yet.

Kol looks at Rory, the pain clear on her face. "Kaid, go play in the living room for a minute alright, me and mum need to talk, we'll be there in a minute" says Kol, his face troubled but firm. Kaiden complies, Kaiden, unlike Jace, does what his dad tells him to straight away. Looks like Jace got all the defiance from both Rory and Kol. Once Kaiden is out of the room, Kol goes to Rory and pulls her closer, desperately wanting to wipe the pain and guilt away, "Hey Ror, you have to know that i wouldn't change a thing between you and me. I chose not to go to Uni, because you were more important to me. You, Jace and Kaiden, i love all three of you more than anything, including whatever dreams i might have or have had before. So dont feel guilty for life, because we did the best we could at the time, he's angry and frustrated, things haven't been easy on him. I remember when i was his age, i was rebellious and hardened, angry, so full of rage, at everything and everyone. I went through hell, so i felt like hell. It's the same for Jace...but eventually with the right help i moved forward and so will Jace, we jut need to give him time to adjust again and we can't force it. But if you really want to talk to him i won't stop you" says Kol, his intense gaze on Rory's face.

Ever rushes to stand between them just in case James tries to hit him again. Ever reaches out and touches James's arm gently and says "James.....i'm sorry, i know that doesn't really mean anything to you...but...i wish i could love you..."
"but you can't" interupts James, his face is hard but he doesn't shove her hand off which means he doesn't completely hate her. James gives Brayden a final glare before leaning forward and kissing Ever lightly on the lips before walking out of the room silently. Ever breathes out loudly and turns to Brayden, she touches his face and says "That was my fault den, you didn't deserve that, are you alright?".

(Jace is 12 i think and Kaiden is about 5, had to go through to work that out ;)

Kol smiles at Kaiden who seems overjoyed to have his mother back, even though he is only 5 years old Kol thinks he understands to some extent what has been going on. Kaiden is so innocent though, much more than Jace had ever been, or ever will by the looks of things. Jace had been through a lot, it is only natural that, at the age of 12 almost 13, he'd feel a bit unsure or defensive. When Jace still doesn't respond to his mum, Kol kneals down in front of Jace, he looks into his already quite handsome but hardened face "J, i know this is hard for you, and we're not going to force you into anything, you can feel how you like, but i want you to try and not bottle up everything because you feel hurt or afraid, things have been really fucked for a long time, and i'm not going to pretend we can go on like nothing happened, but we can try, as a family, to move forward". Jace stares right back into his dad's eyes unflinching, "Until the next thing comes along you mean....i liked it before....her coming back screwed up everything again, and she'll probably just leave you again, leave US. I hate it. I hate this town, i hate this stupid pretense of family. Is that honest enough for you dad.....you never wanted to end up here either, you got into University, a proper good one grandma said, but you didnt go....because of HER, because of ME. And then you could of gone on that book world tour before Kaiden was born but you couldn't because of HER-"
"Jace Night-" Kol interupts with disbelief in his voice.
"We were meant to LEAVE here dad, on that tour thing for your new book series, all over the world we're meant to go and never come back. Start over you said, just the three of us, but she's back and your running around like thats all that matters....Fuck it then. Fuck your life. Fuck mine-"
"JACE stop NOW" says Kol, his voice is calm but incredibly firm. Even Jace doesn't mess with this voice. Jace givs them all one last look of defiance and runs up to his room, slamming the door.

Soren stares into her grey eyes and says "My mum told me this story once, it was only once, the one time i remember her being mum and not....her" Soren doesn't know why he's saying anything about his mum, nothing but never ending pain that sears through his whole body follows thoughts about her, but he shakes his head and continues "I don't remember all of it, but one line has always stuck in my head for some reason, 'Once upon a time a wish met a kiss and they fell in love' I never understood love, even in books, because when you fall there is always a chance you’ll hit the ground hard, pain is almost inevitable. So why do we call it falling in love if we know that means were basically saying it will almost certainly end up causing us a vast amount of pain? Maybe it’s because we know that falling in love isn’t about what happens after we finish falling, it’s all about how you feel whilst you fall. Because We know that what we feel in those moments is worth anything. And maybe it's the same with life"

Soren nods at the understanding in Audrey's eyes. He feels unable to turn away from here, the feeling is strange for Soren as most of the time he avoids people whenever possible.

"Sometimes things happen, and there's no real reason for it. I feel like my life is scattered most of the time. Like it's all small pieces of paper and someone's turned on the fan. But, doing my art and drawing and...talking to you makes me feel like the fan has been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. My art unscatters me, and i think you unscatter me too” says Soren, his gaze slightly more thoughtful than before, he realises his words might sound strange to Audrey because she doesn't know the truth about his life before, nobody really does.

Kaiden's eyes widen and he goes almost limp in Kol's arms. Kol had told them both that mum was home, but he reckons it must still be a shock to actually SEE her. Kol places Kaiden on his feet and says "Kai, it's alright", that seems to jolt Kaiden out of hs daze and he runs full pelt over to Rory and throws his arms around her. Jace is still holding onto Kol's hand, his grip so tight that Kol looks down concerned at his son's apparent distress.